Momma's vacation[ish]

Momma and The Boy are going on a short vacation in town. Because The Boy knows how much Momma worries about Bear, he devises the perfect way for Momma to keep up-to-date on the cat stuff going on at home. Okay. Maybe the "perfect way" doesn't turn out to be the most accurate way to describe The Boy's plan ... but he DEFINITELY gets points for trying! This post is proof positive that: 1) cats should NEVER be given smartphones, and 2) you can leave the cats at home but they'll follow you wherever you go - and that's what makes life with cats so worthwhile!

BC: Bear Cat Kat 
MK: Momma Kat 
EM: Ellie Mae Kat 
The Boy: Momma's fiance 

MK: We need to have a family meeting.
{Bear and Ellie look around}
BC: What's SHE doing here?
EM: What's HE doing here?
MK: {🎡 🎡 to the tune of We Are Family by Sister Sledge 🎡 🎡}
We are family,
I got all my felines with me.
We are family,
Get up everybody hug.
We are family,
I got all my felines with me.
We are family,
Get up everybody hug.

{Silence}
The Boy: Oh, for Pete's sake! You were just waiting to burst into song, weren't you?
BC: You call that song? Phht.
EM: Umm ... I have a question.
MK: Yes, Ellie?
EM: Erm ... so The Boy isn't part of our family? Because you sang about felines and you ...
BC: Phht. OBVIOUSLY.
The Boy: HEY! Now wait a minute! I'm part of this family!
BC: Uh huh. SURE you are.
The Boy: Kat?
EM: No. Bear's right! The song CLEARLY states my felines with me. Nothing about you.
The Boy: But that's not accurate, right? I mean, I'm part of this family!
EM: Well ...
The Boy: BOTH of you jump in my lap for pets when Momma's not available!
EM: That'd make you more of a substitute.
BC: As if!
EM: Well, I mean, he's better than nothing! He's more like a substitute teacher. You know, having no idea what's going on - thrust in the middle - and an easy target for the kids to take advantage of ...
The Boy: So you two hate each other and you're family but I'm just a ...
EM: Not-the-Momma?
BC: Yep. DEFINITELY a Not-the-Momma.

The Boy: That's so unfair!
MK: FOCUS!
The Boy: WHAT?
EM: Momma told you to focus.
BC: HA! Good luck! He's a Not-the-Momma!
MK: The Boy and I are going on a mini-vacation.
EM: Where are we going?
The Boy: Erm ... just your Momma and I are going!
BC: Spoken like a true Not-the-Momma!
MK: No. You two are staying here.
BC: The Boy and Smellie are staying here?!? FINALLY! Momma and I are going on vacation!
MK: Err ... NO. THE BOY and I are going on vacation.
BC: For how long?
MK: A couple days.
BC: Wait ... does this mean I won't have to get my insulin shots and blood sugar tested?
MK: No. We're vacationing at a hotel here so I'll be back twice a day to give you your medicine.
BC: RATS!
EM: Wait ... you're taking a vacation from us?
BC: Do they have chickens at your hotel?
MK: No. We're taking a vacation to lay in the sun and relax. And no. No chickens.
BC: Like you'd tell us if there were!
MK: Laying by a pool with a load of chickens doesn't sound relaxing!
BC: HEY! Don't knock it until you try it!
The Boy: We have to go!
BC: Tell the chickens I'm coming for them.
The Boy: Bear, I'm giving you a smartphone so you can text us if there are any emergencies.
EM: WHAT IF I HAVE AN EMERGENCY?

BC: Like what? You fall off the cat tree?
EM: That only happened once!
BC: Once ... last week!
EM: I didn't trip out of the litter box.
MK: I think this is a really bad idea. There's a reason we can't call 911 anymore.
BC: What's 911 for if not to report an empty food bowl or someone stealing poop from our litter box!?
The Boy: Bear will be on his best behavior.
EM: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
MK: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
BC: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
The Boy: ONLY AN EMERGENCY, okay, Bear?
EM: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
BC: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
MK: You deserve everything you get.
The Boy: WHAT? I know you worry about Bear when you're not here ...
EM: HEY! What about ME?!? Momma should worry about ME! What if I don't have laps when I need them? Or what if Bear beats me up?! {GASP!} Or what if I run out of sparkle balls?!?!?! {GASP!!!! GASP!!!!} Or I run out of food!?!?!?!
BC: Phht. For once, Smellie's right.
EM: I am?!
BC: YES! Momma should worry about you. I'm fine!
EM: Err ... thanks?!
{Pause}
EM: Erm ... was that a threat - like Momma SHOULD worry about me because you're going to beat me up?
The Boy: I thought giving Bear the ability to check-in with us would let you relax a little more!
MK: That's sweet.
BC: BARF.
MK: Kisses all around! Bear!
BC: I love you, Momma!

MK: I love you, Ellie!
EM: Have a good time, Momma! Make sure your lap doesn't get sunburned!
The Boy: I love you, BuddyBear!
{Pause}
The Boy: WAIT?! Where did the cats go? They didn't wait to get a kiss from me? I love them too! I'm going to find them!
MK: Come on, let's go!
The Boy: BUT ...
{The front door closes}
BC: Phew!
EM: That was close. Daddy kisses. Ick.

Texts from His Royal Bearness' phone - as seen on The Boy's smartphone:
[over the next ten hours]

😾 3:01 pm: Testing ... testing ... πŸ˜Ύ
 

😾 3:08 pm: I'm waiting in line for my food bowl! πŸ˜Ύ
 
 

😾 3:48 pm: Are there tasty whole chickens at your hotel? πŸ˜Ύ
 


😾 4:06 pm: Did you find any [tasty whole chickens]? πŸ˜Ύ


😾 4:23 pm: THERE'S A GUY POOPING IN MY GARDEN! πŸ˜Ύ
 

 

😾 5:04 pm: Smellie's staring at me. πŸ˜Ύ
 

😾 5:48 pm: Do you know where my sparkle balls are? πŸ˜Ύ
 

 
 

😾 6:28 pm: Did you tell Smellie to ask me if I want to play with her? πŸ˜Ύ
 

😾 7:21 pm: Smellie's on my last nerve. πŸ˜Ύ
 

 

😾 8:30 pm: Bear's being mean to me! πŸ˜Ύ
 


😾 9:36 pm: I need Momma! πŸ˜Ύ
 


😾 10:23 pm: Tell Momma it's time for our wet food treat! πŸ˜Ύ
 

😾 11:21 pm: Bear? Is everything okay? πŸ˜Ύ


😾 12:57 am: Someone's breaking into our house! πŸ˜Ύ
 

© 2020 Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat - Published by K. Kern. 
All text, pictures, images, and other content are original and copyright by Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat [K. Kern], 2015-2020. No content on Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat may be used without the owner's [K. Kern] written permission. If you see this post posted on a site that isn't Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat, please contact cats@mommakatandherbearcat.com. 

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42 comments

  1. Oh his Royal Bearness and Lady Ellie Mae in Waiting
    You and your Momma have me giggling like a crazy person.
    Of course you had to test all the equipment...and of course once tested for proper response time from the Momma it was your Royal decisions to do what cats do...Ignore things unless you chose to pay attention.

    My grandsonkitty Frisco is quite the techie..(should you need help) favorite sissy of Angel Madi discovered he was kinda interested in her fingers when she was on her iPad...So a few years ago when she bought a newer model.
    She gave him hers and put a few cat games on it. However, not realizing his expertise with his paws she neglected to disable texting etc. Dang if that crazy cat didn't text the last person she sent a text too. She rec'd a message, "your texted not legible send again". She replied 'I didn't send you a text'. She ran to check her old iPad and yep Frisco sent a paw text in lieu of a butt text. She said thank goodness he didn't hit my amazon icon.
    Take care everyone stay well...
    Hugs cecilia

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahahahaha. That's one talented cat! I'm thinking Frisco knows more about technology than I do!

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  2. With all that fun and relaxation Momma and the Boy should go on vacation more often!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Home is more relaxing! Not that that's saying much ...

      Delete
  3. I hope that Bear doesn't have access to Amazon on that phone, or you're going to have some big boxes of treats coming!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank goodness you can't buy artillery tanks on Amazon ... I'm afraid to check if they sell tasty whole chickens ...

      Delete
  4. I couldn't read this entire post, but it surely looks like someone now needs a vacation for their vacation!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I KNOW! JUST when we were starting to have fun the humans decided to come home!! What's with that?! They RUINED our fun! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  5. I hope that you had a wonderful vacation! I'm glad that there weren't any chickens to bother your lounging. Kitties can be so dramatic sometimes. I hope that Bear was able to settle down and just enjoy a little down time. After all, he got to get away from his human-watching duties while you were gone.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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    2. Yeah! Seriously?! Where's MY vacation? ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  6. guyz....knot sidin with yur purrsonz on thiz but we due knot think mom N dad getted
    they rest N relax thiz waz aimin for !!!!!!!!!!!! oh, N bye de way de fone still had
    SEVEN purrcent and de batt reez knot even red ~~~ :) ♥♥

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We didn't get our vacation either! JUST when we were starting to have fun the humans decided to come home!! What's with that?! They RUINED our fun! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  7. Yikes....not much of a vacation!!!

    The Florida Furkids

    ReplyDelete
  8. I knew it would be trouble giving Bear a smartphone!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We could only imagine what Flynn and Eric would be up to if they'd had smartphones!

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  9. MOL I don't think you guys are going to be getting much rest and relaxation!!! I can see Mudpie's texts now..."MOMMY!!! MOMMY!!! MOMMY!!! MOMMY!!!" And I wouldn't have it any other way :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's true. Don't tell The Boy, but I was secretly excited to be home with my kitties again. Life is just better with them in it!

      Delete
  10. Dang. We were hoping to have a wild party at your house, Bear, while the humans are away. Guess that won’t be happening.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I KNOW! JUST when we were starting to have fun the humans decided to come home!! What's with that?! They RUINED our fun! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  11. AMARULA: How dare they vacation without you!?? When the human thinks of doing something crazy like that I like to leave a little "present" in her suitcase if you know what I mean!!!! And loved your comment about ZULU- when you're only one color you really don't have a lot going for you!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahahaha. I don't DO suitcases though. Smellie loves to sit in them. Since Momma's suitcase interior is black and so is Smellie ... it's ALMOST like she's not here at all ... or maybe that's just wishful thinking! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  12. Somehow I think your momma would have been more relaxed just staying home instead of reading all those text messages. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's true. Though the period of silence is where it REALLY gets stressful. You know the cats are up to something ...

      Delete
  13. I know realize why the Ninja and Stormin Norman can't have their own smartphones. Hope your 'pawrents' were able to enjoy at least a smidgeon of fun at the hotel. 😊

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The best part was that the hotel was across the highway from the airport! I love watching planes take off and land!

      Delete
  14. Wow, what a relaxing vacation Momma Kat and The Boy had. MOL!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Home is more relaxing! Not that that's saying much ...

      Delete
  15. Bear! That shark HAS to be put in a cage. There he is gnawing on your arm again. How do you put UP with that!? And really, I think you handled your end of the vacation communication like a Boss. Clear, concise, um...well, clear and concise and um...yeah, plentiful! There could be no doubt what was happening and what was needed. I like the way you handled the emergency of those guys doing the unthinkable in the yard! Although a slight, just eency weency, mis-communication. You are large and in charge. Ellie was in safe paws.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, TECHNICALLY, Smellie is LARGE ... but you are right, I am in charge! ~Bear Cat
      Bear, I don't think that's what she meant by large, jerkface! ~Ellie Mae

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  16. Your mom sounds like mine! She hates leaving me even for a little while.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Do you think we use it to our advantage? ;) ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  17. Well I cant help thinking at least one party is missing the idea of a what a holiday is all about.
    Have you guys thought of variations on a theme? Sun sea and sand aka Sun lamps, ultra big litter box, and a paddling pool all set up in your lounge! Just a thought, plus can have fun ordering from the staff and then sending meals back, not tipping and getting to walk on the beach whilst still socialy distancing ;)
    Purrs from my imagination to yours.
    ERin TCP

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Whoa! The humans could WAIT ON US! Wait ... they already do. Nuts. ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  18. Sometimes it's just more relaxing to stay home, right?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. True. Somehow arguing cats have a way of sharing their misery with us no matter where we are!

      Delete
  19. MOL!! You guys did a good job of keeping your humans on their toes! Our Female Human would never leave us with a smart phone but we've got a tip for you. There is a lady named Alexa that lives on top of one of our cabinets. All you have to do is yell her name and tell her what you want. For instance, the next time Ellie is out of sparkly balls just have her yell, "Alexa! Go to Amazon and order me 30 packages of sparkly balls!" And Bear Cat, I'm sure it would work for you. Just meow at Alexa to bring you tasty chicken. And the next time you have the phone, give the Tribe a call!
    Purrs & Head Bonks,
    Alberto & The Tribe

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Erm ... thank goodness I found this comment before our cats did! I'd be broke! Our cats think Alexa is like the tooth fairy or the Easter Bunny ... just a little too good to be true :)

      Delete
  20. Replies
    1. Thank you! If you have a blog or site we can visit, we'd love for you to share it with us!

      Delete

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