Tuesday, August 14, 2018

Coordinated holding cells

In our last post about Ellie's worms, we mentioned that both cats went to the vet together a few weeks before. This was the first time Momma took two cats to the vet at the same time .... and it was ... err ... interesting. Now that her sanity and hearing's restored, you may enjoy the exchanges yourself.

EM: Ellie Mae
MK: Momma Kat
BC: Bear Cat
Vet tech #1: Vet tech at our vet's office
Vet tech #2: Another vet tech at our vet's office

EM: This is BULL-[BLEEP]! I want my lawyer! I want the President! I want the President's lawyer! You're not going to get away with this! I have rights! LET ME OUT!
MK: Ellie ...
EM: Let me out right now or I'm going to DESTROY this carrier! I'm not kidding. I will FINISH this carrier!
MK: Ellie!
EM: You love this carrier, don't you?!? Telling everyone we finally got a much coveted SleepyPod ... well, I'm going to @#$! it up!
MK: {sigh} It very well made, Ellie. Pretty sure it's made to withstand feline abuse.
BC: Phht. Is that a challenge? Let me show you what I can do.
MK: Bear ...
EM: If you don't let me out, I'm going to tell my Daddy you put me behind bars like a common criminal.
BC: Like he can tell Momma anything. We all know Momma's the boss around here.
MK: You always say you're the boss, Bear.
BC: That's what I meant!
EM: LET ME OUT!
BC: FINALLY! Hahahahahaha. Where she belongs ... behind bars! Though you're about five times the size of the common criminal.
EM: @#$%! At least I don't walk around wearing prisoner stripes that make my butt look big!

BC: Phht. MAKE my butt look big .... it's not MY fault we all KNOW your butt is big. 
EM: Shut up, you @#$! Just wait until Momma lets me out ... you'll be sorry!
BC: Hahahaha. The only way you could hurt me is if Momma put your carrier on ...
MK: BEAR!
BC: I didn't do it!
MK: Oh, really?
BC: YEAH! 
{Pause}
BC: Okay okay. It depends on what we're talking about.
MK: Did you tear the tag off the cat bed?
BC: Not saying I did ... but if I told you it mocked me, would it get me out of trouble?
MK: No.
BC: Why do I always get in trouble for everything?
MK: Because you DO everything! There are clear sets of fang marks in this tag.

BC: Did you ever think that the tag might've tripped over my tail, flown in my mouth and gotten all up in my business? I'm the VICTIM here!
EM: Trip? Over YOUR tail? That STRING?! Hahahahahaha.
BC: Shut up, Smellie Neigh!
EM: LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT?!?! I can't believe you two are arguing about the tag on the bed ... when I'm STUCK IN PRISON! PRIORITIES!
MK: Bear, you ripped the tag off the bed.
BC: So arrest me!
MK: You read my mind.
{Pause}
BC: HUH?
{Pause}
BC: Wha?!
{Pause}
BC: PUT ME DOWN! PUT ME DOWN RIGHT NOW! IF YOU DON'T %^&@ PUT ME DOWN, I'M GOING TO *&@# UP THIS HOUSE!
MK: I hate to break it to you, Bear ... you've done about as much damage to our home as one cat can do. I'm not getting the deposit back.
BC: Is that a challenge?
EM: I'm still here! HELLO?!?! Let me out! Oh, that's just great ... IGNORE me while I'm trapped in here! HELLO?!?!?!?!?!
BC: You clearly need someone to explain the meaning of sarcasm to you. I didn't mean you should arrest me LITERALLY.

EM: Your mouth is always writing a check your fangs can't cash!
BC: Lock her up and throw away the key!
EM: More like STEAL the key for your secret stash.
BC: We do not talk about what doesn't exist. My secret stash is so secret, even I don't know where it is. But even so, at least I wouldn't EAT the key like you would do.
EM: A girl snarfs up a little barf here and there and she never hears the end of it.
BC: MOMMA?!?! Let me out so I can teach Smellie a lesson!
EM: Stop your whining ... and LET ME OUT! Momma! I'm going to fix him!
BC: I'd love to see you try.
EM: Momma, if you don't let me out RIGHT NOW, I'll never drop my favorite mousie in your shoe EVER AGAIN!
BC: Your favorite mousie? Which one is that?
EM: Crazy pinky. She's badass.


BC: That's not her name! And it's a HE! He's MY favorite mousie and his name is Fat Albert! You've been dropping him in Momma's shoe?
MK: Huh. That was you, Ellie? I thought it was an accident.
BC: It was.
MK: What are ...
BC: It was an accident, because SHE'S an accident. 
EM: Awwww ...
{Pause}
BC: The only "accidents" that happen around here are to Smellie's face! Oops. I did it again.
EM: So help me ... when I get out of here ...
BC: Bring it on!
EM: You're so much tougher when you have bars protecting you.
BC: There aren't any bars! It's some mesh #$%! I can't even see you through your mesh! Wait a ... THANK GOODNESS for that! I can pretend I don't even HAVE a sister.

EM: You won't be able to forget when I'm done with you!
BC: MOMMA! Smellie's threatening me!
EM: What'd you do this time to get us in the slammer?
BC: It's not MY fault. What'd YOU do? You're the one that asked for a lawyer!
EM: SHUT UP! I can't think about how to break out of here with you blabbing around!
BC: We're in quite a predicament. She grabbed you first, you must be the culprit.
EM: I'm a good girl!
BC: And yet, you're just as much in the slammer as I am!
EM: I WAS FRAMED! I didn't do it! I swear!
BC: Yeah. right.
EM: I wonder which of your escapades got us into this mess! The closet? The broken glass? Farting on my Daddy?
BC: SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! They're LISTENING.
EM: Is Momma taking PICTURES of this?!? 
BC: Oh, no she didn't.
EM: Let us out of here instead of taking pictures!
{Pause}
BC: Let ME out ... she can stay in the carrier.
EM: HEY!
MK: Okay. Time to go guys!
BC: GO?!?! Go WHERE?!?
EM: Uh oh ...
BC: Are we going to a tasty whole chicken farm? Maybe test driving a tank or two? NO! A fitting for my tiara.
EM: I heard Momma say something about the vet last night.
BC: And you didn't think to tell me LAST NIGHT?!
EM: Well, I tried to tell you and you told me to shut up!
BC: And you listened to me?! Of all the times I told you to shut up ... THIS is the one you choose to honor?!?
EM: HEY! It's not MY fault!
BC: You're taking just a tad bit too much satisfaction here.
EM: You said if it wasn't an emergency ... and technically it wasn't ... so ...
BC: Oh, shut up!
EM: Like for real? Or are you just saying that?
BC: I'm surrounded by idiots! Oh, HEEEECK no! I am not visiting hell! Not today ... not ever. Not even for tasty whole chickens!
EM: Shut up, will you?! Your babbling takes attention away from my complaints!

BC: Drown me out! I DARE you!
EM: LALA MEOW LALALA MEOW LALALA MROW!LALALA M'OW! LALALALALA.
BC: You're lucky the carriers are between us ... I'd make you pay!
EM: Bring it on, doofus!
MK: Oh, for pete's ...
BC: Last time I went to the vet, they shoved something up where it doesn't belong.
EM: That happened to me! I told you about it, remember?
BC: Oh. Huh. I guess that's never happened to me.
EM: NEVER?!?
BC: How's it being a nice cat now? But really. If it happens to you ... it happens to me.
EM: I'll remember that.
BC: Well, it's not like I promised anything. Last time I went to the vet, a bunch of dogs almost ate me!
EM: Because you were rude to them? You went in cursing and being obnoxious?
BC: Err ... how do YOU ... it's like you were THERE! RATS!
EM: I know everything. I know you. And a little birdie told me everything. Plus, I know you get pretty obnoxious from the safety of your carrier ... as you've shown already today.

BC: A little birdie?!? YOU MET A TASTY WHOLE CHICKEN?!? How rude! And you didn't even introduce me!
EM: Wouldn't you like to know?
BC: And YOU started it!
MK: Alley oop! Let's go!
BC: HEY!
EM: HEY!
MK: HEY! Both of you! Stop hopping around your carriers! I'll drop one of you!
BC: Threats. Threats.
EM: Too late. The damage's already been done to Bear.
MK: It's NOT a threat, Bear! I'm got a carrier in each hand - if you two bunny hop all over the carriers, I'll lose my balance.
BC: Phht. Don't tempt me.
MK: You both weigh over 13 pounds ... EACH.
BC: I suppose this is when you tell us you're putting us on a diet.
EM: {GASP} You said the D word! What's wrong with you?
BC: Put me down! I'm NOT going to the vet and you're going to let me out of this carrier!
EM: Me too!
BC: Oh, SHUT UP, copy cat! Hahahaha. You spilled ink all over yourself!
EM: You're just jealous that I'm a black cat!
BC: BOOOOOOOR-RING!
MK: I've had enough of you both ... and I haven't even made it the car yet!
EM: Then HURRY UP! 
{The car ride and it's unfortunate events will be detailed in another post}
MK: {walking into the vet while huffing and puffing} Oh, thank GOODNESS! FINALLY! That DID NOT go well. I can't believe we survived!
Vet tech #1: And who do we have here?
BC: Your Momma!
EM: That's not even funny!

MK: The Itty Bitty Kitty Choir here for our two pm performance.
Vet tech #1: Wha ...
BC: GET ME OUT OF HERE!
EM: I HATE YOU!
MK: I've got Bear Cat Kat and Ellie Mae Kat here for ...
Vet tech #1: Worm treatment for both cats and needle aspiration of Ellie's kidney?
BC: I KNEW IT! It's all YOUR fault! I can't believe this! This is the THIRD time I've had to go to the vet in the past year JUST BECAUSE of Smellie.
Vet tech #1: Wait a ... the chart says "Ellie." Is Smellie her name?
BC: YES!
EM: NO!
BC: Guess how she got THAT name?! And I have to live with her! And I'm here. AGAIN.
Vet tech #1: Don't worry this will be pretty ...
EM: Oh, shut up and stop your whining! I got worms because I was on the street.
BC: That's a weird form of payment for a street walker.
EM: WHAT?
MK: BEAR! Shut it!
BC: I LIVED on the street for eight months and you didn't see ME getting worms! I decimated any worm that even THOUGHT about taking me for a spin.
EM: Or maybe your digestive tract - with all your farting - was inhospitable.
BC: HEY! I'll have you know my digestive track is plenty hospitable!
MK: That's why you're being treated for worms too, Bear. Just in case.
BC: Just in case?!?! JUST IN CASE my sister's a pain in my behind?!
Vet tech #1: AHHHHH. The Itty Bitty Choir. I get it! Hahahahahahaha.
BC: Well, aren't YOU Miss Smarty-pants!

MK: BEAR!
Vet tech #2: Are you guys ready? I can take you back.
Vet tech #1: {under her breath} Thank goodness!
BC: BACK?!? Back WHERE?!?! THEY'RE TAKING US OUT BACK TO SHOOT US?
MK: As tempting as that is right now ...
BC: You can't even find a vet that practices in an office?!? Oh, yeah. Save money taking us to the vet that works out back!
MK: BEAR! Shut it!
Vet tech #2: Oh, I see how it is ... you put the cat you've had for a long time in the less fancy carrier ... and your new cat gets the nice one! Hehehehehehehe.
MK: Uh oh.
BC: HEY! Momma? Is that true?
MK: NO! It was a completely random decision ... and Ellie'd been taken to the vet in the SleepyPod before. I thought worm detritus might be left behind so I wanted to keep you out of there.
Vet tech #2: I was kidding about the favoritism!
BC: Smellie's the suck up!
Vet tech #2: Smellie? I'm pretty sure the chart says that's not her name ...
BC: HEY! Speaking of carriers ... This is MY carrier!
EM: But there's plenty of room!
BC: NO! Get in your own carrier! Get your paw out of my carrier!
{Pause}
BC: HEY! Stop trying to shove yourself in my carrier! I'm not leaving! And if anyone's going to hide behind someone else ... it's going to be me!
EM: Scared-y cat.
BC: You better shut up before I make you!
EM: Then I guess you're lucky that we're at the vet because they can fix what I break.
BC: Yeah right ...
MK: And we haven't even seen the vet yet. I need a nap ... some ear plugs ... a stiff drink and a vacation - not in that order.
Vet tech #2: Aren't YOU a pretty girl.
BC: And there goes the neighborhood. You can keep her!
EM: Oh, shut up, stupid head!

And on and on ...

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39 comments:

  1. Oooh, Carrier Wars! Plus the joys of sisters, brothers, vet techs and family appointments! This all sounds like way too much fun. Bear, maybe you should see if they have any tasty whole chickens on their client list that they can introduce you to... like a date and take them out for a meal ;)
    Toodle pips and purrs
    ERin

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    Replies
    1. Chickens go to the vet?!? How does one find a chicken vet? And what came first, the chicken vet or the egg vet? ~Bear Cat

      Delete
    2. Now that's a hard one to crack! MOL
      ERin

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  2. Oh my Ceiling Cat, your poor mom (says our mom). WE say, here's a team cauterwauling in solidarity of your pain and anguish, dear furriends.

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  3. Don't tell our gang, but in a few days I'm taking all FOUR to the vet at once! It's going to be interesting. . .

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  4. How many times have I asked the veterinarian to prescribe anti-anxiety meds for ME before taking the cats in?

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  5. Looks like another crazy adventure to the vet. Both of you were locked up and they almost threw away the key. Good thing Ellie corrected the doctor and her name is not Smellie lol. Carrier wars would be a new television show to put together. Thanks for the share. Hope everything went well.
    World of Animals

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  6. It sure is nice to see you two having some fun!

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  7. AMARULA: I have one question for you Bear! Why is your human still breathing? First she announces to the world your weight (and don't you worry I know that you're 13 pounds of pure muscle) and then she announces that you may have worms!! Oh the humiliation! The horror! You've gotta teach her a lesson!

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  8. Two cats to the vet at once? MK is my hero. Rufus went for his yearly last week and I couldn't believe how loudly he sang all the way to the vet and back home again. I figured if I got pulled over by the police for bad driving, the officer would understand without me having to roll down the window...
    He also came with a smorgasbord of parasites after living outside before we adopted him.
    xxoo

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  9. Oh, the fun of going to the vet! We actually used to put two cats in the same carrier - can you believe that??
    Jan, Wag 'n Woof Pets

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    Replies
    1. My sister tried to climb in MY carrier WHILE I was in it! #nothanks ~Bear Cat

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  10. The mom has taken two of us together to the vet. Sometimes Wally and Ernie...sometimes Ernie and Zoey. We make sure it’s always a struggle for her. Because if we have to go...she’s gonna pay....

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  11. Your mom is very brave taking you both to the vet. She only takes us one at a time - of course, the fluffy canine one doesn't get shoved in a carrier like me!

    P.S.: We laughed out loud when Bear said "is that a challenge?"

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  12. Oooooooh you two know how to ride in style and with royal purple trim....too bad those things are just used for VET
    trips?!YIKES Bear you are always up for a challenge...
    Hugs madi yoru bfff

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    Replies
    1. Well, we used the SleepyPod as a bed until the first time I took one of the cats to the vet in it. Now it sits empty.

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  13. Your mom is as brave as Claire to take you both to the vet. We agree with you, Bear, it's a challenge indeed ! Ellie, your close-up is terrific ! Purrs

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    Replies
    1. Moms! Brave where they shouldn't be ... and scared where they shouldn't be.

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  14. Sounds like it was quite the adventure! I'm glad that Momma Kat survived! The most we've done is three cats. Even with just one cat, it usually requires two humans attend. :-)

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  15. guyz...stoppin bye ta at leest say hi; we iz havin trubullz sneekin round de inter netz thiz week ~~~ ☺☺♥♥

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  16. When Mommy takes us both to the vet, I'm the chatty one. Lexy is mostly quiet, so she doesn't talk back to me and I get to say anything I want! MOL Sometimes I pay for it when we get home, though.

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  17. Taking multiple pets to the vet is never fun. For pets or mamas. *Sigh*

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  18. Oh my goodness. I’m tired and I didn’t even have to go. I know how MK feels!

    I’m now off to read more in your post today!

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  19. Your poor mom, carrying to 13 pound kitties in carriers is not easy.

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