Friday, August 31, 2018

Bear's politics

BC: Bear Cat
EM: Ellie Mae
MK: Momma Kat
The Boy: Momma's fiance


BC: It's time.
EM: For what?!
BC: The THING.
EM: What thing?
BC: Women! They never stop asking questions! Just believe me when I say I've got your best interests at heart.
EM: You?!? Got MY best interests at heart?!?
BC: Stop asking so many questions!
EM: What thing? 
BC: Stop asking so many questions!
EM: What thing?
BC: The PROTEST. We're going to give them a fracas they can't ignore.
EM: You never said anything to me about this before.
BC: If I told you, I'd have to kill me.
EM: WHAT?!
BC: I mean I'd have to kill YOU!
EM: But you DID tell me!
BC: Stop asking so many questions! Women are meant to be seen and not heard!
EM: Why are you going in the pantry? I thought we were going to give them a fracas they can't ignore? If you're in the pantry, they can just close the door.
BC: It's a SIT IN! I don't make up this stuff! To be a SIT IN ... you have to sit IN something! It's common sense!

EM: I always get suspicious when you start talking about common sense and my "interests."
BC: I KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!
EM: I really don't think that's what it means ...
BC: I'm the expert on protests around here.
EM: And how many times have your protests elicited the change you were protesting for?
BC: Don't worry about that now. I know what I'm doing.
EM: Don't you think sitting in the pantry is a bit too far? We could sit in our beds ... or sit in the kitchen ... anything to be OBVIOUS that they can't ignore.
BC: You can sit there in your stupidity for all I care. Do you want to be part of this or not? 
EM: Well, yeah ... 
BC: SIT. IN. We must do whatever is necessary for the cause. It's hard ... the major sacrifices ... but we have our rights to uphold.
EM: What are you talking about? You go in the pantry ALL THE TIME and you ENJOY it in there!
BC: You should listen to me. I'm the expert at these kinds of things ...
EM: An expert on sitting in things?
BC: But if you want to be a ...
EM: SHHHHH! I hear Momma coming! Move so I can get in there with you.
BC: Phht. No way. This pantry has a maximum occupancy of one.
EM: But you said I had to sit in ...
BC: Try the freezer. Or the oven. It's usually nice and toasty this time of year.
EM: But ...
BC: AND CLOSE THE PANTRY DOOR!
EM: But ...
BC: Don't ask and just do it! Hurry up! Before Momma gets out here!
EM: I don't ...
BC: Stop asking questions and just do as I say! You're a total suck-up and do whatever the humans tell you ... how am I any different?
EM: Do you really want me to answer that?

BC: SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
{Pause}
EM: This is one of those times you tell me to shut up and then get mad at me because I didn't tell you, right?
BC: SHUT YOUR TRAP, WOMAN!
EM: {whispering} Before Momma gets here ... What are we protesting?
BC: It's need to know only and you don't need to know.
EM: {whispering} How are we going to communicate what change we want if I don't know what the change is?
BC: You know. Those higher muckedy mucks. They make all those decisions.
EM: WHO?! 
BC: What's wrong with you?  
EM: Momma and Daddy?
BC: They aren't the bosses of us. I wear the pants around here.
EM: Then who are the muckedy mucks?
BC: Are you on my side or not?!
EM: Well, I can't really say until you tell me what ...
BC: SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Here she comes! Here she comes!
MK: What are you two up to?
EM: We're protesting, Momma.
BC: SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
MK: What are you protesting, exactly?
EM: Err ...
BC: It's a surprise!
MK: You don't know because Bear didn't tell you what you're protesting, right?
BC: SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! No fraternizing with the opposition. I'm the elected representative who deals with the humans.
EM: I didn't elect you. 
BC: More important cats than you made the SMART choice.
EM: Maybe if the facial tissue box gets out of line or the glass looks at me funny.
MK: Where's Bear? I hear him ...
EM: And you're awfully bite-y and scratch-y. And my Momma always says you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. The whole brute force thing doesn't usually ...
MK: Bear? Where are ...
BC: Pay no attention to the cat in the pantry!
{Pause}
BC: The great and powerful Princess Buttercup Black Bear Cat of the Forest has spoken!
{Momma opens the pantry door}
BC: Err ... hi, Momma.

MK: What are you protesting?
BC: Smellie favoritism.
EM: WHAT?!
MK: Excuse me?
BC: You feed her. Food I could eat.
EM: Now wait a minute ...
BC: {LOUDLY} Roses are red, violets are blue ... and just for the record, we hate you!
EM: But I don't hate my Momma. She's the bestest thing ever.
BC: SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Before you ruin everything!
The Boy: What's going on out ...
BC: {loudly} Two four six eight ... who do we repudiate!?
The Boy: What'd your Momma do now?
EM: She feeds me.
The Boy: Ummm ... isn't that a GOOD thing?
BC: It's food I could eat!
The Boy: But you've never been without food. Your Momma makes sure to get plenty for both of you and you both eat as much as you want.
BC: That's not the point!
The Boy: Then what's the point?
BC: I don't have to tell you!
The Boy: Because there is no point, right?
BC: I'm BUSY here. I don't have time to talk with the little people. As big as the little people are around here.
The Boy: Do you agree with this, Ellie?
EM: Well, no. But if the higher muckedy mucks ...
The Boy: There are no higher muckedy mucks!
EM: But Bear said ...
The Boy: Your Momma's the highest muck around here.
{Pause as Bear snickers}
The Boy: That's not entirely what I meant.
BC: But it's what you said.
The Boy: We're NOT going to stop feeding your sister.
BC: Then I'm not leaving the pantry.

The Boy: Umm ... is that supposed to convince me to change my mind? I would love to go in a room and close the door and not have you try to beat it down ... and I'd love to eat just ONE TIME without you in my face. And maybe I could actually get eight hours of continuous sleep! Stay in there all you want. Heck. If you want, I'll even close you in there ... PERMANENTLY.
BC: Mooommmmmmmmmmmmmmmma! The Boy's being mean to me! I'm like Cinderella with the two mean and ugly step-sisters. Surely you can see the wisdom in not feeding the trolls.
EM: HEY!
The Boy: HEY! Your Momma doesn't have more power or say in the house than I do!
BC: Ah. The Smellie Neighs are back.
The Boy: I'm not smelly and I'm not a horse!
BC: You doth protest too much.
The Boy: Feeding the trolls?! YOU'RE a troll!
BC: That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
The Boy: That wasn't a compliment!
{Pause}
The Boy: {toward Momma} This is all YOUR fault! You've encouraged and enabled him all along!
MK: He's not that bad. He's just misunderstood.
The Boy: That's not what you were saying last night when you clipped his claws.
BC: ABUSE! I was being ABUSED and NO ONE cares! Smellie gets what's coming to her and everyone gets upset ... but I get my claws clipped one by one and no one knows I'm alive!
MK: Really? Because I have no fewer then five bandages after your little fit last night.
BC: Little fit? LITTLE fit?! YOU WERE TRYING TO KILL ME! And I have short claws. I'd take bandages over short claws!
The Boy: I can help you with that.
EM: She clipped my claws too.
BC: Oh, BOO HOO. Your livelihood isn't determined by how well you use your claws and fangs.
EM: I'm a nice cat. And the people love me just fine. I'm eating well ...
BC: EXACTLY!
MK: Bear, we love you, fangs and all.
BC: Then why do you clip my claws?!
MK: Well, see, there's love and there's being a glutton for punishment.
BC: Vote Smellie for punishment! NO FEEDING THE TROLLS!

MK: Bear ...
BC: All this protesting ... I'm exhausted. And hungry. Protesting is not for the weak or gentle. I'm taking a nap.

EM: But I thought you said we'd stick it to them until they listened to our demand.
The Boy: TO NOT FEED YOU, Ellie.
EM: Well, yeah. There is that.
BC: Time for my beauty rest. Keep it down out there or his royal sharkiness will deal with you!
The Boy: Have you ever noticed that he can wake us up whenever he feels like it, but we get a grumpy grizzly bear if we accidentally wake him up.
BC: OBVIOUSLY. Now, everyone SHUT IT or you'll regret being born.
{Bear falls asleep ... light snoring is heard}
EM: HELL NO! I won't go! HELL NO! I won't go!
BC: Wha ...
{SMACK!}
BC: Quit smacking me!
{SMACK!}
BC: What are you doing?
EM: Protesting!
BC: But you don't have a permit! You need a permit.
EM: You're making that up!
BC: Fine. See for yourself.
EM: I'm getting revenge for this morning.
BC: I'm telling you ... it wasn't me that farted!
EM: NO! When I jumped on the bed ... you and Momma were sleeping ... and you whapped me until I jumped back down because you wanted Momma and the bed all to yourself.
BC: MY bed. MY Momma. I don't share. You're lucky they feed you. And you're lucky I let them.
EM: You don't let anyone do anything! You're not the boss around here! 
BC: Oh, shut up, Yellie Mae!
EM: Hell NO! I won't go! Hell NO! I won't go! Hell NO! I won't go!

BC: You've really been working on those lungs. You always have to outdo me and take things one step further to make me look bad, don't you?
EM: You don't exactly make it hard.
BC: HEY! You make it sound like ...
EM: And I'm not alone.
BC: What do you ...
{Pause as Bear sees his favorite mousie holding a sign in Ellie's protest}

BC: {GASP} Fat Albert! You traitor!
EM: Maybe if you called HER by her REAL NAME ... She's Crazy Pinkie! NOT Fat Albert.
BC: {seeing Pinkie with another sign} Oh, now this is ridiculous. I'll deal with you later.

EM: Don't get mad at her!
BC: I'll make my own sign! HMPH!
{A few minutes pass before Bear shares HIS sign}
BC: BITE ME! BITE ME!
EM: Get that sign out of my face before I ...
BC: I thought you were a NICE cat.
EM: Don't try me.
BC: Move your ...
{A fracas breaks out ...}
MK: BEAR!
The Boy: ELLIE!
{Pause}
The Boy: YOUR cat is being mean to MY cat!
MK: If they were really fighting, my cat would wipe the floor with your cat!
The Boy: No way!
MK: Knock it off!
The Boy: They're not listening to us.
MK: They're CATS!
The Boy: I'm going to lock myself in the bathroom.
BC: BATHROOM?!? Are there tasty whole chickens in there? HEY! Let me in there!
{On and on}

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42 comments:

  1. WOW, a big time political fight just in time for the weekend!

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  2. Wow, that is quite an argument. Looks like it was a draw.

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  3. Ya just can't protest like we used to do in the olden days, Bear!

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    1. Why not? I'm a fan of dictating reality to people ... but Momma says no. ~Bear Cat

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  4. Well, mom says this is about what it's like in the hoomin political world right now. But BC, we are firmly on Ellie's side here - foodables for everyone!

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  5. I could see why you needed a nap after all that protesting! Evening protesting by sitting is a lot of work.

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  6. MOL! Bear, tell your humans that they just need to get used to the fracas in a house with cats. We often do the scratchy-bitey-slappy thing. Why I did it just last night. Lily was curled up next to The Male Human snoring away (Lily, not The Male Human) and I made my stealthy appearance, sat and stared at her for a moment, lifted my right paw veeeeerrry high and WHACK! It was definitely worth the chewing out I got from the humans!
    Purrs & Head Bonks,
    Oliver & The Tribe of Five at Feline Opines

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    1. Hahahaha. We bet that was epic! You could charge to show people the video! ~Bear Cat

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  7. Bear, you're so cute in your shark bed. So many like to protest for the sake of protesting. Some protesters even get paid for it. Hey, maybe you could get some tasty whole chickens out of it. Ellie needs to eat too, though. She's adorable with her protesting sign.

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    1. The Boy mentioned getting paid to protest but Momma told him not to mention it in front of me ... it gives me IDEAS ... ~Bear Cat

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  8. Oooh, thats interesting. Now, Bear, you know theres glutton free products you could buy MK if theres an allergy issue in the momma's house. I'm not sure if they cover Ellie Mae though, or TB though? As to FC, well maybe she's being a suffragette, protesting that suff stuff, or lack of spare kibble to chew on?
    Toodle pips and purrs
    ERin

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    1. It's discrimination! Or something like that. I'll look into the glutton free products! ~Bear Cat

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  9. Very good of you take a political stance, BC, but I thought it was 'leetle' bit mean to suggest EM did her sit-in the freezer or oven! Bad boy!

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  10. Oh Bear I'm extra super duper careful not to bring politics into the pantry....I could be come a very hungry kit kat
    Hugs madi your bfff

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    1. You're right. The pantry is where the food is. It deserves respect. Unlike those humans! ~Bear Cat

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  11. You do realise that if you stop your humans feeding Ellie that she will get thin, don't you! You won't be able to tease her about her curvy shape then so you will have to find some other way to get your fun.

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  12. AMARULA: I would protest with you anytime Bear! I wish I had a cool pantry like you do so I had a place to escape the human and her minions Frodo and Zulu!

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    1. The more the merrier! And I know you understand the value of a good protest! Unlike SOME sisters. ~Bear Cat

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  13. *teary eyes* I'm not allowed in my pantry. Mom keeps stuff in there to cook with and she says cat hair is not considered a spice. Also I'm not allowed to get pawlitical. Yoo live in a very cool house, Bear and Ellie.
    Purrs,
    Dori

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    1. Not allowed in your pantry?! THAT'S something you should protest! My Momma's given up on keeping fur out of our food. It adds a certain ... authenticity ;) ~Bear Cat
      ps - you can come and visit any time. I know my Momma would die with happiness :)

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  14. *Teary eyed*....we don't have a pantry! Lucky you guys.

    BC and Ellie Mae were terrific today....they always are but this protesting hit my funny bone something fierce. Perhaps because of all the protesting up here against the Kinder Morgan pipeline from Alberta. Anyway I loved it or should I say the 4 of us loved it. I couldn't help but notice Bear's Sharl bed. I think Tyebe would love this but can't find one anywhere. I must go on-line. Once again a terrific post and a good belly laugh.

    Jean, Shoko, Tyebe and Budd

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    1. Momma's going to e-mail you about the shark bed. We always love to hear that we made someone's day just a little brighter. That's why we do this - that's why I've been so important to Momma ... I make sure she laughs. ~Bear Cat

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  15. Protesting...I would like to join the Tabby's Against Black Cats Group.
    And Bear, are you not getting a little rounder? Purrhaps you have been getting some of Ellie's grub as it is!
    Purrs
    Marv

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    1. But you love Ninja, right?! I mean as far as brothers go. ~Bear Cat

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  16. Wowzers! It sounds like that politics stuff found it's way into your house, Bear Cat and Ellie Mae! Forget about sitting in ... we'd use the pantry and any other hidey place to avoid politics. :-D

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    1. Good point. The people always disappear when the poop hits the fan! ~Bear Cat

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  17. That was... animated at your house ! Never a dull moment ! Purrs

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  18. You are pretty good at this protest business, Bear. Feed the resistance, right?

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  19. I don't want my cats to see this post, I think they would love to have a sit in. Love the mouse with the "free Ellie" sign :)

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  20. Hmmmmmm A sit in huh? (Dezi thinks a minute) Nah, that's too much trouble. Me thinks ifin ya' ask nicely, you should get whatever you want. That's what we do. Oh and be sure to use the sad face. Works on mommy's every time. We can't speak to the daddy's but hey, give it a try. Big hugs

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

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  21. That Crazy Pinkie turned sides on you, Bear?! She must've learned that from those human politicians on TV. There are some politicians that aren't very trustworthy. The pantry makes a good spot for your campaign headquarters, 'cause I don't think you're conversations can be wire tapped in there. Tee hee hee. Winks.

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    1. WOMEN! She got so mad when I called her Fat Albert too! ~Bear Cat

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