Friday, August 17, 2018

Are we there yet?

If you missed our last post about Momma taking both cats to the vet at the same time ... Coordinated holding cells.

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat
EM: Ellie Mae
Police officer: Police officer

BC: I can't believe we're going to the vet ... AND at the same time ... AND you tricked BOTH of us into our carriers. Where's the justice?! Where are the ethics? And how do you live with yourself?
MK: Bear ...
BC: HEY! WAIT A MINUTE! Why does her carrier get to go on the seat, when my carrier has to sit on the floor?!
MK: Safety. I can hook Ellie's carrier in with the seatbelt - but not yours.
BC: Oh, SURE. Give ME the death trap! Let ME be the piece of popcorn ... all while SMELLIE rides in safe comfort.
EM: I'm in a @#$! carrier too! Stop your whining!
MK: Are we ready?
EM: I hate you!
BC: NO!
MK: {sigh} Just getting you two in your carriers is exhausting. But I don't look forward to this drive.
BC: NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER ... NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRR ... SCREECH!!! Prepare to lose, Smellie.
EM: Lose what?
BC: Our carrier race.
EM: Huh?
BC: NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER ... NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRR ... SCREECH ... HONK HONK!!!
EM: And she passes him on the left.
BC: RATS! You cut me off! WOMEN drivers!
MK: Your carriers are in the same car going the same speed.
BC: Wait wait wait! Why are you stopping?
EM: Momma's probably going to throw your carrier out by the side of the road.
BC: Hahaha. BITE ME.
EM: I'm a NICE cat.
BC: Are we there yet?

MK: I'm stopping at a red light.
BC: WHY?!? I don't like being crammed in here with a shoe horn!
EM: Oh, SHUT UP, Bear.
BC: Next thing you know, you're going to tell me you stopped because the fat lady sung. 
EM: HEY! It's not Momma's fault! You really shouldn't make fun of her weight ... she doesn't make fun of your weight.
BC: I'm well-acquainted with the doughnut butt. I wasn't referring to her! She doesn't SING ... she caterwauls. Wait until she sees a flock of birds. We'll stop again.
EM: Flock? BIRDS?!? WHERE?!?
BC: My sister the food nut.
EM: FOOD?!?! WHERE?!?
{Pause}
BC: Are we there yet?
MK: Bear, we haven't moved an inch since the last time you asked.
EM: Food?! Where's the food?!?!
BC: LET. ME. OUT. OF. HERE!!!
EM: FOOD!
BC: OUT!
EM: FOOD!!!!!
BC: OUT!!!!!
MK: Bear! Stop rocking your carrier from side to side. What are you going to do if it ...
BC: HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLP!
MK: Oh, for the love. I TOLD you to stop rocking the carrier because you'll tip over.
EM: Are we there yet?

BC: This never would've happened if I was in the other carrier!
MK: Bear, you've almost tipped our old carrier off the seat more than once.
BC: So sue me! No, wait. You might take that literally. I say, "arrest me," and next thing I know I'm behind bars!
MK: {sigh}.
BC: Put me upright!
MK: Bear ... The traffic's moving again and I'm driving!
BC: I'm laying on my side!
EM: You lay on your side all the time.
BC: Phht. When I WANT to. I don't WANT to now!
EM: Oh, SUCK IT UP!
BC: Shut up!
EM: You shut up! I'm tired of hearing your voice!
BC: Momma? Are we there yet?
MK: Okay, okay ...
EM: LALALALALALALALALALALA!
BC: You're not going to drown me out! I'm a tiger ... hear me ...
{Pause}
BC: Oh. That's not good.
EM: WHAT?!? What happened?
MK: {trying not to laugh} He tipped the carrier again - he's upside down.
EM: Hahahahahahahahahaha. That's what you get!
BC: Huh? Oh, yeah! Laugh at the poor guy who's stuck viewing Momma's feet on the wrong end of her body. This never would've happened if I was in the other carrier.
MK: That's my fault. I forget you're a tipper. I should've given you the carrier with the round and un-tippable bottom.
BC: TOO LITTLE TOO LATE!
EM: Tell Momma about your con.
BC: Err ... which one?
EM: The wet food.
BC: Err ...
EM: Oh, for the ... HOW YOU PRETEND TO NOT LIKE WHAT SHE FEEDS US FOR OUR WET FOOD TREAT SO SHE'LL OPEN SOMETHING ELSE FOR YOU.
MK: What's the con?
BC: So help me ...
EM: He eats the original stuff after you go to bed!
MK: BEAR! I thought that was Ellie eating it.
BC: I can see why. That little piggy hangs out at the market too long if you know what I mean. 

MK: Bear ...
BC: HEY! She gets half! I've given her half so she keeps her trap shut. But she doesn't tell you THAT. So much for that. Broken trap. BLABBY WOMEN! I hate all of you!
EM: Nah nah nah nah nah nah.
BC: HELP me! I don't like seeing the world upside down.
EM: Try a new perspective, Bear.
BC: I'd like to see outside the box. Hahaha.
EM: That was a good one! Are we there yet?
MK: I'm driving. Just wait until I stop at a light - I'll right your carrier then.
BC: HELP! HELP! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLP!
EM: SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! DON'T MAKE ME BREAK OUT OF THIS CARRIER TO MAKE YOU SHUT UP!
MK: Come on ...
BC: Set my carrier right, WOMAN!
EM: What? So you can knock it over again?
BC: Oh, yeah. That's easy to say from the non-tip-able carrier!
EM: I'm still shoved in a tiny place. I'm still going to the vet. Get over yourself.
MK: Hold on ...
{Pause}
MK: Crap. 
BC: Oh great. Red and blue lights. We're being abducted by aliens.
MK: No. I just got pulled over.
BC: WHAT?!? Who's pulling you?
Police officer: Everything okay, ma'am?
BC: DON'T TAKE US TO YOUR LEADER!
EM: Don't beam us up to your ship!
Police officer: What the ...
BC: HEEEEEEEEELP! This woman ABDUCTED US! HEEEEEEEELLLP! She abducted me and my sister! And now YOU'RE going to abduct us and we'll never see the earth or tasty whole chickens ever again!

EM: I'm not your sister!
Police officer: Did you realize you were swerving a bit back there?
BC: DUH! She was flipping my carrier so it was right side up.
Police officer: Perhaps you can pull over first next time.
BC: NEXT time?!? There's going to be a next time?!?! We don't know this woman! We were sleeping soundly in our beds and THIS WOMAN ABDUCTED us!
EM: YEAH!  It was horrible! My home is the best thing ever and this woman STOLE us! We were KITTY-NAPPED! Put out an Ellie alert!
BC: More like a Smellie alert. Then again, your smelliness proceeds the rest of you.
EM: Oh, SHUT UP!
Police officer: Ma'am? Can you please step outside of the car?
MK: WHAT?!?!
BC: And we got crammed into these tiny carriers! That should be illegal!
EM: Her ear rubs aren't so bad ....
BC: She abducted us for medical research! Lock her up and throw away the key - like she did with us!
MK: Wait a minute, officer ... I have the vet records ...
BC: HELP! HELP! She's going to kill us! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLP!
EM: Why don't you just shut up and let this nice officer do his job?
BC: SHE'S GOING TO KILL US!
EM: Shut up, moron. You just LOOOOVE to hear the sound of your own voice!
Police officer: Well, I definitely believe these two are siblings.
BC: Don't tell anyone! I have street cred to uphold! We don't even look alike!
EM: Maybe he can take you and your prison stripes where you belong!
BC: We'll tell you where the bodies are buried.
Police officer: Bodies?
BC: JFK, Malaysian Airlines Flight 370, the Easter Bunny, Amelia Earhart, Jimmy Hoffa, the aliens from Roswell ... 
Police officer: This lady doesn't look old enough for JFK, Amelia Earhart, and those aliens.
BC: She's TRICKY like that! I can tell you where the bodies are.

Police officer: DEAD bodies?!?
BC: Is there any other kind? Not so quick on the uptake are you?
Police officer: Ma'am, I'm going to have to take you into the station until we figure out what's going on.
BC: Do you have a pen? WRITE. THIS. DOWN. My name is B Cube.
Police officer: Cube be what?
BC: Not very bright, are you? The letter "B" CUBED. As in "Big Bad Bear." Thank goodness we don't have an ACTUAL emergency because you couldn't dig your thumb out of your ...
MK: BEAR!
Police officer: Your name is Bear?
EM: Hehehehehehehehe. What kind of name is "Bear?" Then again he's lucky it's not skunk!

BC: You would know. You look like a skunk. Bear's my name. Don't wear it out. But just in case you didn't recognize me, I'm a cat rapper of great renown.
EM: In your own head!
BC: I drop more than beats, mother-meower.

EM: I guess that makes you a crapper.
Police officer: {snickers} With that set of lungs, I believe you are a singer.
BC: WHAT?!?
EM: A cat rapper is a crapper. Rap is rap ... not singing.
BC: It's a tough crowd today.  We got the po-po all up in our grill! Don't rappers always mention the po-po? And their bitches and hoes?
Police officer: I don't know. I don't listen to rap.
EM: Will you just SHUT UP!
Police officer: Excuse me?
EM: NOT YOU, DOOFUS! My annoying brother!
BC: I'm a celeb. Where's my annoying paparazzi?
EM: Remember? You told Momma her camera would end up in the toilet if she didn't put it away.
BC: Oh, yeah.
Police officer: Would I know any of your work?
BC: Have you ever been at my Momma's house?
Police officer: I don't think so.
BC: You can come over some time and see for yourself. I'll even give you an autograph. You wouldn't believe it! The kibble in our bowl is at a criminally low level!
Police officer: Not exactly a ...
EM: She brushes our teeth and clips our claws!
Police officer: So you two DO know this lady?
EM: You're the nicest police officer ever!
Police officer: Why, thank ...
BC: Don't get all puffed up - she says that to everyone. Everything's the best ever. You're just a ...

MK: BEAR! 
Police officer: Let's go ma'am.
BC: What about us?!
EM: YEAH!
BC: Does this mean we don't have to go to the vet?
EM: Are we going to a real prison? Will Momma have to wear stripes? Can I have a picture?
BC: HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLP!
EM: It's just me in here, dumbbutt. And I ain't coming to your aid.
BC: Oh, shut up. HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!  HEEEEEELP!
EM: Make me.
BC: I've had enough of you interrupting my interrupting complaints!
EM: If I waited for you to stop complaining, I'd never get a word in edgewise!
BC: EXACTLY!
EM: You got our Momma arrested! I'm going to give you a piece of my ...
{Momma wakes up in bed with the cats wrestling a foot away}
MK: Oh, thank goodness.
BC: What's your problem?
EM: Probably YOU!
BC: Shut up!
MK: Whoa. That was ... interesting.
BC: Did you dream you were a buffalo again?
MK: Not quite. I do feel slightly comforted ... the drive today couldn't be nearly that bad.
EM: What drive?
BC: Are we there yet?
MK: Famous last words.

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40 comments:

  1. Dang, I thought we were gonna have to send MK a get outta jail free card!

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    1. There are times I think jail would be a vacation from my two ;)

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  2. Ellie Mae that photo of you saying 'are we there yet' looks like you are thinking of a great escape...
    Hugs Madi your bfff

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  3. What a minute...I wanna know more about your dream police officer, MK! I love a man in uniform...*bats eyelids*

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  4. We are so glad that was a dream! And we bet your mom was too.

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  5. Yikes! I'm glad it was just a dream! But if you ever went to jail and Bear realized he wasn't getting fed on time anymore, I'm sure he'd figure a way to break you out.

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  6. Thanks for the share. After reading this, we are relieved that it was just a dream. We love seeing the photos with the caption are we there yet? Hope you are all having a great Friday and have a great upcoming weekend.
    World of Animals

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  7. AMARULA: Bear I always knew you had the soul of a race car driver!! I can't believe you managed to get your human arrested! That's a dream of mine!

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    1. I wish I'd gotten a picture of her in cuffs! That @#$%! is solid gold! ~Bear Cat

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  8. Dram. I think it sounds nightmarish (but I'm not a rapper by trade) and I love Bear's expressions. The pictures are really cool!!

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  9. So, are ya'll really goin' to the V-E-T? Cuz like, that's not right, not right at all. Altho', what kind of carrier are ya'll usin' that be tippin' over? Sounds like ya' need a new one. We use our stroller fur car rides, but we still have a carrier that we sometimes use too. Even with wheels attached it doesn't tip. Sendin' hugs and purrayers.

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

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    Replies
    1. We need to attach wheels to ours! We got a bit of a wide load if you know what I mean ;)

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  10. Getting pulled over with kitties in the car would be a nightmare. Actually, getting pulled over period is a nightmare. Poor Bear getting tipped over. The indignity! I love the title of the last post. I was feeling sorry for Ellie trying to get in Bear’s carrier.

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    1. She really did that too! She dumbfounded me and the vet tech because she was so committed to sharing his carrier.

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  11. Mrs H wants to know what actually happened between going to jail and waking up? Was it all so bad that you had a dream about it? Did Bear actually have the dream about you. Or maybe the officer was a tasty chicken in disguise???
    Anyways I'm sure whatever the next time you go to the vet, be it dream or not, you'll strap both carriers down, ;)
    Toodle pips and purrs
    ERin

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    1. The officer kind of looked like a chicken ... only with a few less feathers ;)

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  12. Whew! For a minute there, we thought we were going to have to find a good bail bonds person and a lawyer for MommaKat! We hope you all made it to the vet and back relatively unscathed.

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    1. The trip was filled with the Itty Bitty Kitty Choir. They seemed to be trying to drown each other out ;)

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  13. Oh dear...maybe kitty prozac would be a good idea for the next outing?

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  14. Ha ha, you two are literally your Mama's worst nightmare!! :)
    We wonder what the real trip went like? Probably not peacefully, but at least without Momma Cat getting arrested we hope!

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    Replies
    1. The trip was filled with the Itty Bitty Kitty Choir. They seemed to be trying to drown each other out ;)

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  15. We hope there’s not another vet viist in your near future. We don’t think your Momma can handle it.

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  16. This reminds me of a very funny story when I tried to take THREE cats to the vet at once. About 10 years ago, I had the bright idea that I would take all of our cats to the vet at once (this was before Ruby or Rosie's day). The cats were all in carriers in the backseat. Daisy was quiet, Otis was howling and hissing and Tommy somehow managed to open the top loading carrier and every two seconds would stick his head up look around as if he was saying (you guessed) are we there yet? It was funny and stressful at the same time - but yeah, I never did that again.

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    1. Hehehehehe. Cats are Houdinis of epic proportions! I should put them in the back ... it would be safer for everyone!

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  17. This looks so yummy! We got litter this month. Litter. Lexy and I can't eat that!

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    1. No kidding! What are they thinking?! We at least should have the chance not to eat it! ~Bear Cat

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