Tuesday, October 30, 2018

Long days' journeys into even longer nights

BC: Bear Cat
EM: Ellie Mae
MK: Momma Kat
The Boy: Momma's fiance

FRIDAY NIGHT:
{Momma and The Boy are sleeping}
BC: Prepare to die!
MK: Wha? 
EM: After you.
MK: Huh?
BC: Bring it!
EM: I'm going to shove my claw so far up your rear end that you can use it to floss your teeth.
MK: What the ...
BC: I HATE YOU!
EM: I hate you MORE!
BC: {GASP} I thought you were a nice cat!
EM: I'm learning you fight fire with fire. Not that you're really a fire ... I mean, more like a sputtering hot dog.
BC: I am NOT a dog! Take that back!
EM: Do you even listen?
BC: No one says they hate me and ...
MK: KNOCK IT OFF YOU TWO! We're trying to sleep ... as in NOT sleeping and just trying.
{The Boy snores}
MK: I'M trying to sleep. The Boy would sleep through a train speeding through the living room.
BC: You mean he's dumb.
MK: That is not what I said.
BC: Dweeble dweeble dweeble.
MK: Bear, that's enough. He's not so bad that you won't jump on his lap.
EM: Momma can never get a picture - when she grabs the camera, you take off.
BC: If you don't have photographic proof, it didn't happen.
EM: So the tissue box fiasco didn't really happen? You haven't shown me any pictures of that. Just the aftermath.

BC: I'm telling you, the tissue box attacked me! It had it coming!
EM: Someone's been a little heavy in the catnip.
BC: Oh, shut up! You wouldn't understand! You have no self-respect!
MK: Shut up, BOTH of you!
BC: But she started it!
EM: No, I didn't!
BC: Yes, you did.
EM: Shut up!
BC: YOU shut up!
EM: Make me!
BC: Easy enough!
EM: I've had enough of your ...
BC: {HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSS}
{Momma looks around to see what she can use to distract one of the cats long enough that they leave each other alone}
EM: I DARE you to mess with me! 
BC: HEY! Keep your paws to yourself!
EM: My Daddy will beat you up!
BC: You mean your Daddy who won't chase you anymore?
EM: {GASP} You're right!
BC: You sound surprised.
EM: You started it!
BC: No, I didn't!
EM: You attacked me!
BC: And then when I tried to walk away, you pawed my butt.
EM: So you started it!
BC: Oh, shut up!
MK: I don't care how it started, both of you END it ...
{Momma throws a toy mousie across the room}
BC: HUH?! What was that?
{Bear takes off after the mousie}
MK: Wait a minute ... that was to distract your sis ...
BC: MOUSIE MOUSIE, what did my horrible Momma do to you?
EM: Idiot. He falls for that distraction thing every time.

BC: You have no right to tell ME about distraction! "My Daddy's the best thing ever! My Momma's the best thing ever! Laps are the best thing ever! Tuna is the best thing ever."
EM: Those things are all true!
BC: We need to work on your concept of "best thing ever." And who can forget, "OH! Sparkle ball! I love you, sparkle ... MOUSIE! I love you, mousi ... SPARKLE BALL!" 
EM: I just love my toys.
BC: For a whole couple seconds.
EM: If you truly love something, you know when to let it go.
BC: By let it go, you mean when you get your toys stuck under the couch? 
EM: Err ... yeah. That too.
BC: Hmmm. Could I convince Momma that I love you and that I'm nobly letting you go? 
MK: I try to distract one cat ... and the other takes the bait. It's the same thing though, I guess. As long as there's no more ...
BC: M'ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!
MK: {sigh} Too late. I could close myself in the bedroom and they'd never notice.
EM: Oh, STUFF IT, Shorty McDumb Pants!!
BC: I WOULD notice! I know you hide your tasty whole chickens and bazookas in your bedroom. I just haven't figured out how to bust you yet!
EM: Ask nicely?
BC: What? Do I look like YOU?
EM: What's wrong with me?
BC: The more accurate question is what's RIGHT with you?
EM: I'm really tired of you insulting me!
BC: I'm really tired of living with your stupidity.
MK: I'm REALLY TIRED of you two going at it all night so that I don't get sleep!
EM: He started it.
BC: I did not!
MK: I'm TIRED!
BC: And grumpy.
EM: Not as grumpy as you!
BC: Oh, shut up!
EM: Wait! Where did Momma go?

BC: She was just here!
EM: Good job. Make Momma run away.
BC: She wouldn't run from me.
EM: No, that's just everyone else!
BC: The Boy doesn't run from me when I just in his lap!
EM: AHA!
BC: RATS!

SATURDAY NIGHT:
EM: Stop putting the bite-y on me, Bear! This isn't fun.
BC: What are you going to do about it? HUH?
EM: MOMMA! HELP! Bear's being mean!
BC: Quit squirming so I can give you a hug!
EM: HELP!

MK: {walking into the room} Can't you two keep it down?
EM: Bear keeps attacking me! I didn't do anything to him!
BC: You exist. You're here. You did something to me.
MK: Bear!
BC: This doesn't concern you. Nothing to see here. Move along.
MK: STOP MESSING WITH YOUR SISTER! If I hear her squeal one more time ...
BC: HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-YAH!
{Ellie squeals}
MK: Of course you would.
BC: You made me. 
MK: Bear ...
BC: That's what you get for jumping to conclusions and assuming I'm being mean to Smellie!
EM: You ARE being mean to me!
BC: Pay no attention to the all-black sorry excuse for a cat! 
{Pause}
BC: {to the side} SHH! No one asked you! {To Momma} I was giving Smellie a hug!
EM: A hug of PAIN!
BC: Did I ask you? NO! NOW SHUT UP!
MK: BEAR!
BC: Now what? What are you going to do about it?
MK: You're a furry little terrorist!
BC: Tell me something I don't know.
{Pause}
BC: Come on, Momma. Tell me something I don't know!
MK: You're grounded?
BC: Are you asking me? Ground Smellie!
EM: But ... but ... I didn't do anything!
BC: Take away her allowance!
EM: HEY! I'm being a nice cat! Why should I lose my allowance?
BC: Ummm ... because you don't get an allowance in the first place?
EM: That doesn't seem entirely fair ...
BC: Life isn't fair, kid.
MK: It's not my fault you have an attitude problem.
BC: It's not my fault you can't handle my awesome.
EM: More like your awesome jerk.
BC: You're my jerk!
MK: BEAR! Leave your sister alone.
BC: Make me!

MK: You're just in a bad mood and you make everyone else miserable!
BC: You mean everyone is already miserable and it puts me in a bad mood?
MK: How are we miserable?
BC: Miserably STUPID!
MK: Okay. There's no excuse for this ...
{Momma picks Bear up and he bites her}
BC: HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!
{Momma runs, Bear chases and bites at the back of her legs}
EM: So much for Momma never running away from him.
MK: OW! #$%@. Stupid cat!
EM: The mark of a good Momma ... when she puts herself in harms way to protect her kitten.
MK: &#@$ your @#$*!
BC: Don't tempt me.
EM: At least he's leaving me alone.
MK: Why are you in such a *&@# bad mood?
BC: Why are you so stupid?
EM: Dang. He really IS in a bad mood! I mean, it's one thing to bite the hand that feeds you ... and something else entirely to be completely belligerent. 
BC: I'm not belligerent! YOU'RE belligerent! That's why they call you Ellie Bellie! SEE? Belligerent!
EM: That's not what it means!
MK: Ellie, just ignore him.
BC: Unless I can't be ignored because I'm being so much of a ... AWESOME.

SUNDAY NIGHT:
EM: MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOW! MeoOOOOOOOW! My life is over!
MK: Oh, for the love ...

EM: I hate you ... you stupid ... stupid ...

MK: What's going on our here? Is Bear being mean to you again?
BC: {from the other room} WHAT?!? I'm no where near her! And let me just voice my outrage at jumping to the assumption that Smellie's distress is caused by me.
EM: MY SPARKLE BALL IS STUCK UNDER THE COUCH!

MK: All that pitiful meowing is because your sparkle ball got stuck under the couch?
EM: Full disclosure ... it's more like sparkle ballS that got stuck under there.
MK: I JUST WANT TO SLEEP WELL FOR A NIGHT!
EM: But I need my sparkle ball! I don't want it to think I don't love it!
BC: Which one?
EM: ALL OF THEM!
MK: Ellie, I'll get them all out in the morning!
EM: But what am I supposed to do tonight?
MK: Sleep?
EM: But I do that during the day when things are quiet around here.
MK: Of course.
BC: What's all the commotion out here?
EM: I lost my sparkle ball under the couch!
BC: Then I guess it's good you have twenty other ones.
EM: Err ...
BC: You managed to lose ALL of them under the couch? It's been ten minutes!
EM: I excel? Besides, I have one left.
The Boy: Take a look at this! It's so true!!! This is our cats! Only they both get a spin and "try to kill your sister" is on there.
{Pause}
The Boy: WHAT?!?! I couldn't sleep, so I checked my phone!
MK: {groans} WHY?! WHY?!?!?! How was I supposed to know two cats aren't just double the trouble and pains of one, but an exponential increase in nonsense?
The Boy: The only times it's quiet around here is during the day after the cats pass out from their nightly activities or when they're eating their wet food treats.
BC: A smart person would sleep then too.
The Boy: That's not really convenient for people who need to work during the day.
BC: So the problem isn't me and Smellie, but society's expectations.
The Boy: Does it really matter? 
BC: Huh. No.
MK: You'll still do exactly what you want.
BC: That's how this works, yes. And by the way, you missed one for the wheel ... stick one's wet nose in Momma's ear! Wait! Wait! You missed TWO! Claw up the nose. Our wheel looks more like this ... Momma tied up the blinds where I used to bat at them, she took out the doorstops so I couldn't mess with them, she taped down all the cords so I couldn't play with them ... but I still have plenty of ways to have fun.

The Boy: You might both be your Momma's cats, but there are times I'm thankful that that's the case.
MK: Right. They're MY cats when they misbehave and YOUR cats when they're nice.
BC: We're nice?!? When is that? We really need to remedy that injustice.
The Boy: Well, sometimes you're so tired, you don't wake up enough to try to kill me when I pet you.
BC: No photographic evidence ... it didn't happen.

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52 comments:

  1. Hehehe two in so many ways is better than one, but then oft it isn't. Have you guys thought of human sharing? One human per bed per cat. Then create a rota and share the them.... Or get to vary your sleep patterns so cats and humans can co-habit. Maybe Ellie and the Bear could go to work with each human in turn, to give the other a break. Just think of the fun around the office that could be!
    Toodle pips and purrs
    ERin
    PS I think you need another wheel that has the food and treat options on it, too!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. NO! I'd get the short end of the stick! Err ... or should I say, the more dull end of the stick! Smellie can be a real pain when she wants to be! ~Bear Cat

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  2. Dang, you two sure have been busy. Hey Bear, you must be auditioning for the Night Stalker role pal!

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    Replies
    1. Is that a thing? I don't think I can beat Simon though ... maybe in my younger years ;)

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  3. Ooo, you are a mischievous pair! I don't know why the hoomans don't sleep on the couch and leave the bed to you. Problem solved.

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  4. do you believe Cody doesn't get into ANY mischief late at night? Probably because he wakes my husband up every morning at 3:30 am MOL!

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  5. Bear, you are a pill...there, I said it!

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  6. guyz...therz a lot oh act shun frum sum catz in TT all nite long tho we willna
    men shunz any namez coz we onlee likez each other for may be 8 secondz topz N
    sum one elze in TT canna getz any sleepz either....knot R problem her haza day job
    we say !!!!!! :) ♥♥♥

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    Replies
    1. I know! It's not OUR fault! If they really loved us, they'd work at night. No ... wait. Never mind. ~Bear Cat

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  7. Sputtering hot dog....that's a whole new level of insult! High paw!

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  8. Naughty kitties!

    Purrs xx
    Athena and Marie

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  9. Oh goodness...I'm happy Mudpie is content just to go night-night with her Mommy!

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    Replies
    1. At least Bear's not caterwauling for hours at 5 am anymore!

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  10. You two are just like true siblings....fighting like cats....and cats! :)

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  11. AMARULA: I don't like this new tougher side to your sister! Bear you gotta attack her now to bring her down a peg--PS "If you don't have photographic proof, it didn't happen" is pretty much my motto too!!

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  12. It's stories like these that make me happy we have only one senior cat who is extremely quiet at night! The worst I get is early morning demands for breakfast. :)
    Jan, Wag 'n Woof Pets

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    Replies
    1. We bet Sam can interrupt sleep like the best of them ... when she wants to!

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  13. Nothing better than two silly cats. Such good entertainment. You two kitties are just hysterical.

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  14. MOL you two keep your Mom hopping, don't you?

    The Florida Furkids

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  15. Bwa! Haa!! Haaa!!!! Ninja and me have got to get that wheel! I purrticularly Like YOURS!!!
    Purrs
    Marv

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    Replies
    1. My Momma tried to take most of those options off the table ... but I always have a surprise or two for her. ~Bear Cat

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  16. Sounds like around here. When a kitty is bad, I tell my hubby His cat is acting up :)

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  17. I think my cat Jake has one of those spinning wheels too.

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  18. What a crew! Sounds like your place is worse than ours. Tyebe quits jumping on everyone when the lights go out. This is new for her and much appreciated by Shoko and me. When the sun comes up it's time to get up and we start all over again. Luckily it will soon be 9am before the sun comes up. Woohoo an extra hours sleep.

    Jean

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  19. Oh...the joys of having more than one pet. LOL 👻

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  20. Don't worry, Ellie. Woodrow totally agrees with your concept of best thing ever. Everything is the best in his book, too!

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  21. Bear, you tackling Ellie's backside reminds Mom of her white Persian kitty that used to tackle his Siamese fursib the same way! The difference is that deep down you two I think actually like each other, but Mom's kitties didn't like each other so one took the inside territory and one took the outside territory. Tee hee hee. I luv the photo of you and Ellie sitting together on the floor.

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  22. Quit squirming so I can give you a hug, nearly made me fall out of my chair.
    Happy Meow()ween
    Cecilia

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  23. Happy Howloween guys!
    Wishing mew a spooktacular evening ~ MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
    The B Team xox

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    Replies
    1. You always make us Meow Out Loud! We love that spinning wheel cartoon. Gotta get one of those for our house. Purrrs! Dori and Herms

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  24. I'm never bad. Oh wait a second... What's that, Lexy? I'm lying? I am not! Don't listen to her, guys.

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    Replies
    1. We know you are 100% sweetness, Lola. Well, except when it's time to go to the vet ;)

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  25. MOL So, is this what we're missin' out on by sleepin' all night? Hmmmm (Dezi and Raena look at each othe rand think deeply a minute) Nah, we'd rather sleep. Ifin we wake up mommy at night, she needs to go to the pawtty box and that means we gotta work. MOL Big hugs

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

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