Tuesday, October 9, 2018

Fun, Ellie-Style

BC: Bear Cat
EM: Ellie Mae
MK: Momma Kat

BC: Do you mind?
EM: Not really.
BC: {sigh}.
EM: What are you doing?
BC: What are YOU doing?
EM: Trying to figure out what you're doing.
BC: I'm in a cat bed ... I can barely keep my eyes open ...
EM: You're trying to trick me! You want me to say you're sleeping ... but you're not. Because you wouldn't be talking to me if you were asleep.
BC: I'M TRYING TO SLEEP!
EM: Oh.
{Pause}
EM: You're not just saying that so I'll leave you alone, are you?
BC: Would that work?
EM: Probably not.
BC: {mumbling to himself} Stupid sisters. I haven't had a good nap since they brought her home!

EM: Do you want to play? Momma's got some boxes out and we can run around them and have a good time! You chase me first!
BC: Okay. Start running and I'll chase you.
EM: {running one direction} AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
{Pause}
EM: {running the other direction} AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
{Pause}
EM: {running a third direction} AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
{Pause}
EM: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
{Pause}
EM: OOF! Sorry, Momma.
MK: Watch where you're going! Ellie, what are you doing?
EM: Bear's chasing me!
MK: {looking around the room} Chasing you? For how long?
EM: I've been bouncing around and running like the wind for about five minutes! Bear hasn't caught me! Hahahahahaha.
MK: And what has Bear been doing all this time?
EM: {looking at Bear still in his bed} HEY! You're not chasing me! That's how we play the game!

BC: Thanks, Momma! She wouldn't have figured it out for another fifteen minutes. I could've had a nice little nap while Miss Spaz ran around like a chicken with its head cut off.
EM:  I'm going to pounce on you!
BC: Oh, NO YOU'RE NOT. Not if you want to live to see our wet food treat time.
EM: Wet food treat?! Where?!?

BC: Momma's in the kitchen plating our treats right now.
EM: As long as it's not those lobsters we had last week. Those didn't taste very good.
BC: I'm surprised you bit them. You claim to be a nice cat.
EM: They looked yummy! How was I supposed to know it was Momma and Daddy?
BC: You better get in the kitchen before I do ... or I'll eat all the wet food.
EM: OH! {running to the kitchen} This is my favorite part of the ... WAIT A MINUTE! Momma's not in the kitchen! That was a mean trick!
BC: {thinking as he falls asleep} Her brilliance stuns me.
EM: I'm going to chase you!

BC: You can't chase me if I don't move.
{Ellie whaps Bear with one paw ... and then another}
BC: I really hate sisters!
EM: Run, Bear! Run!
BC: I suppose there's no chance you'll let me have a nap?
EM: You always say that! Like napping is all you ever do!
{Whacky-paws start again}
BC: STOP. WHAPPING. ME!
EM: NO!
BC: @#$%! the &@^#! No peace in this house.
{Bear gets up and runs down the hall to get away from Ellie}
EM: {chasing Bear} This is so much fun! See? Isn't this fun?
BC: Fun isn't exactly the word I'd use.
EM: Then which word would you use?
BC: Momma would get mad at me if I repeated the word. HEY! LEAVE. ME. ALONE!
EM: Why are you so grumpy? You need a nap.
{Pause}
EM: Oh.
BC: I'm jumping on the bed. You ARE NOT invited.
EM: Aww. But what am I supposed to do while you take a nap?
BC: Lap hop? Play in traffic? I don't care as long as I don't have to hear or deal with it.
EM: Okay.
{Bear jumps on the bed ... 3 ... 2 ... 1 ... Ellie jumps on the bed}
BC: Didn't you hear what I said?
EM: I want to give you a hug!
BC: Why are you following me?
EM: I'm NOT following you. We're sitting on the bed.

BC: A technicality. You might just make a decent cat after all. If not unbelievably annoying ...
EM: That's the nicest thing you've ever said about ...
BC: No touching.
EM: But I want to give you a hug!
BC: No, thank you.
EM: But I want to show you how I feel about ...
BC: Exactly.
EM: You don't want to hug me? Why? I thought this was a game! I try to hug you and you run away!
BC: You and your games!
EM: My favorite game is chirping at Daddy and making him chase me!
BC: We really need to talk about what constitutes a game ... sitting just far enough from the humans that they can't reach you and then ripping up carpet ... THAT'S a game. Or escaping outside just to prove you can ... THAT'S a game. Or making sure they're watching and then jumping on the counter or sticking one's paw in the toaster or something else that makes them come running ... THAT'S a game.
EM: What's fun about sticking your paw in the toaster?
BC: Don't knock it until you've tried it.
EM: In other words, the only fun part is in Momma's reaction.
BC: Now you're catching on.
EM: I don't even know where the toaster is.
BC: A secure location. Or at least, Momma THINKS it's in a secure location. But really ... nothing in this house is secure or Bear-proof.
EM: I see why you're grounded many times over.
BC: I'm bad to the bone. Don't you think torties would prefer a bad boy?
EM: I don't know that I'd call a Momma's boy a bad boy.
BC: SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Sure, I love my Momma and all ... but I have a mind of my own!
EM: Oh, yeah? Like earlier when you pretended to not want to be picked up but after a few ear rubs you melted in Momma's lap like there's no where else you'd want to be?
BC: Is nothing sacred?!? I wasn't pretending! Momma SNATCHED me against my will! I was traumatized!
EM: Then why did you start purring?
BC: You must have me confused with another handsome tabby.
EM: No. It was DEFINITELY your big striped-butt.
BC: Enough ifs, ands and butts. Leave my butt out of this!
EM: I'd recognize those prison stripes anywhere. Admit it. You're a Momma's boy! 
BC: Momma! MOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMA! Ellie's annoying me!
EM: Good enough.
BC: Good enough, what?
EM: Always running to Momma when there's something you don't like?
BC: My nickname isn't YELLIE! Momma! Smellie's pestering me! If you don't do something about it, she's going to be a was instead of an is.
EM: This is fun!
BC: WHAT?!?!
EM: Putting you in your place!
BC: You haven't PUT me anywhere.
EM: You're also a Daddy's boy.
BC: EXCUSE ME?!
EM: I saw you in his lap last night. You jumped up there and he was petting you!
BC: That never happened!
EM: Oh, yeah? What about this? You look like you just melted in Daddy's lap.
BC: RATS! No one told me there was @#$%^! proof! Who took that picture?! Momma?! She's in for a surprise via her shoe!
EM: Speaking of Momma ... last night, Momma and I played a game. I'd climb on her back and she'd try to knock me off!
BC: You're just completely oblivious, aren't you?
EM: It was fun!
BC: These games of yours ... have you ever thought that they might not be fun for the other party?
EM: Why wouldn't they be fun for the other party? I mean, Momma kept knocking me off! If she hadn't enjoyed it, she wouldn't have kept doing it. Just like when I chase you. If you didn't want to play, you wouldn't run!
BC: Oh, yeah? And the whacky-paws when I don't run?
EM: I KNOW you want to play. You're just playing hard to get!
BC: And how would you know I don't want to play?
EM: Why wouldn't you want to play with me?
BC: I don't even know where to start.

EM: Phht. If you didn't want to play, I'd just know. It'd be OBVIOUS.
BC: Right. This from the cat that thinks it's a fun game to jump on Momma's lap again after she puts you on the floor. I'm going to sleep in my cat bed. DO. NOT. FOLLOW. ME.
{Bear jumps down and Ellie follows}
BC: {SIGH!!!} ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGG! She's like a bad penny - with FEET!
EM: I have needs! Like when I want Momma to pet me but she puts me down before I was done! 
BC: When it comes to laps, you're never done.
EM: My ears get lonely! It's a thing!
BC: I know what it feels like to be ignored. Momma and her "work." Phht. Whatever that is. 
EM: Brothers aren't so bad. Last night when Momma put me on the floor, you let me rub up against you and you licked my ears.
BC: Don't remind me. When was the last time you washed those things?
EM: Err ... the last time you licked me?
BC: Eww.
EM: You told me that if they can't appreciate my beauty, screw them. You think I'm pretty!
BC: Only when you keep that tail out of my face.
EM: So you admit it! I'm proud of my tail! 
BC: Will it shut you up for at least thirty minutes?

EM: FINE!
BC: Thank you.
{A few minutes pass}
EM: Has it been thirty minutes?
BC: {sigh} NO! I'll tell you when the thirty minutes are over!
EM: What if you forget?
BC: Let me tell you ... there are some things a cat can't ever forget.
EM: I'm that important to you?
BC: That's one word for it.
EM: Has it been thirty minutes yet?
BC: NO! I TOLD you I'd tell you when they're over.
EM: So you didn't forget?
BC: NO! Now leave me alone!
EM: Well, you can't forget me if I sit right here ...
BC: As long as you SHUT UP, I don't care where you go.
EM: Oh! Cool! Let's share the cat ...
BC: HEY! GET AWAY FROM ME! GET OUT OF MY CAT BED! We aren't on snuggling terms!
{Pause}
BC: Why do I get the feeling she does this on purpose? Another one of her "games." Her "games" are annoying to no end - and yet, my games and her games can't be ignored. To-may-toe, to-mah-toe.
EM: Did you say ... TUNA?!?!
BC: {sigh} It's going to be a long day. Just like yesterday and every other day since Smellie moved in.

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44 comments:

  1. Bear, what you need is a condo with a microchip reader on the flap. That way only you could get in! Same as those cat feeders with chip readers. In fact maybe you should have one of those fitted to MK and certain key items of furniture around the place so only you can use her lap, and access the bed, sofa and counter. Or maybe that is a bit too nanny state?
    Toodle pips
    ERin

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    Replies
    1. Can you do that?! That would be cool! Smellie is so stupid, she'd bang her head against the flap for HOURS. Hmm ... that might be entertaining ... ~Bear Cat

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  2. Ellie, you are such a sweetheart but sometimes it really is best to let your brofur get his nap in.

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  3. Oh Bear, it's so sweet to see how much you love and appreciate your Sister!

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    1. Err ... YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH. ~Bear Cat

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  4. *guffaw!* Just read Brian's comment...

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    Replies
    1. Appreciate and love are a little too strong of words. ~Bear Cat

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  5. Hee! Hee! Just like around here...except I am the bug!
    Or so Ninja and Mom and Kozmo and Jo Jo and Cinnamon and My human brother and my Dad say!
    Purrs
    Marv

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  6. dood...for what itz werth...itz knot just sisturrz.... babee brotherz iz...werst...
    if thatz pawz a bull....my life az eye knew it......GONE !!!!!!!!!!!! :) ♥♥♥

    tuna of moon

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    Replies
    1. Hmmm ... we need to stand up to these pesky siblings and show them what's what ... err ... tomorrow. ~Bear Cat

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  7. Do you think you'd end up getting annoyed with Mudpie if she was your sister, Bear? ;)

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    Replies
    1. NO! Because she's a TORTIE! And she's not big on wet food. ~Bear Cat

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  8. AMARULA: I am going to try that trick on Frodo and Zulu! Very clever! Though I do worry about what kind of expired catnip they are feeding you--that's the only excuse for that photo of you on the Boy's lap!!

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  9. Bear, it is not easy having sisters, especially needy ones. We've had some needy cats in the past...and we still miss them to this day. ♥

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  10. Bear, we feel for ya. We have sisters around here too. Hope that Em will soon leave you alone. We did get a good laugh out of all your goings on. Have a good day.

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    Replies
    1. I can't even imagine! ONE sister is bad enough! ~Bear Cat

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  11. I love listening to your conversations. :) Ellie, Bear does look tired. Maybe you should let him get a little shuteye.

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  12. Ellie, I think you would have fun with Trouble. She does the same thing with Brody, always chasing him :) XO

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    Replies
    1. I think Trouble and I would get along well ... and the humans would be in ... well ... Trouble. ~Ellie

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  13. You two are so much like Sawyer and C.J. All Sawyer wants to do is play games, but C.J. will have no part of it. XOCK, angel Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, angel Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth, Calista Jo, Cooper Murphy and Sawyer

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    Replies
    1. I think I'm rather nice about the whole thing! ~Bear Cat

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  14. Let sleeping cats lie is my motto! You might find that Bear Cat VERY annoying if he decides to play! I know, I have four brothers. xx

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    Replies
    1. FOUR?!? I barely survive ONE! Then again, more boys to chase me ... ~Ellie Mae

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  15. Mom said she thought I commented yesterday when we were here. But whether we did or not, here we are again because: I want to offer my services when needed. I am an attorney you know. Presently I have 2 clients who call on me from time to time. I could consider the Case of Ellie. I have won the Case of the Sticky Human! The case against one of our fellow kitties is pending.

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    Replies
    1. A lawyer really? Don't humans have a bunch of backwards laws that make no sense to the feline race? ;) ~Bear Cat

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  16. Bear...Sam feels your pain. These young sisters are like Tasmanian Devils, aren't they?
    Your fur-iend,
    Sam 🐾

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  17. Sisters, amiright?!? Sophie stalks and pounces on Olive and you should hear the words that come out of that tortie's mouth! Might even make you blush, Bear. Woodrow also tries to play, and surprisingly, he's found a play buddy in Harley.

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    Replies
    1. It makes my heart smile to think of Woodrow and Harley playing! We'd love to see that.

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  18. Oh Ellie, lissen up girl. A mommy's boy makes a very good mancat. They're much better to their girlcatfuriends than cads. Big hugs

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

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  19. Teddy says he will come play with you Ellie. Rosie won't play with him and Ruby doesn't quite get cat games.

    P.S.: Love your 'I'm going to chase you face'

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  20. I'm envious of you, Bear, 'cause you have a pussycat fursib that likes to play games. I like to play games, but they're not the same kind of games the doggie at my house likes to play. She comes up with weird games like doing figure 8's around the house and almost running me over while doing them, or flopping her stuff toy around from her mouth like mad. And guess what? She never bathes or cleans her ears! Can you believe that?! I'll trade you the doggie for Ellie. What do you say? Tee hee hee.

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    Replies
    1. I know it's kind of hard to believe with that resounding endorsement ... But err ... no thanks ;) ~Bear Cat

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  21. MOL Bear dude, mew defo need your own space or rent a new place fur Ellie - but dude deep, deep, really deep deep down we know mew'd miss her if she wasn't there!

    Happy Purrsday guys

    The B Team xox

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  22. "Love, love, love..." (The Beatles), MOL ! Purrs

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