Friday, October 12, 2018

Violators will be hoed #ChewyInfluencer

EM: Ellie Mae
MK: Momma Kat
BC: Bear Cat
The Boy: Momma's fiance

EM: Uh huh ... uh huh ... SENT!
MK: What are you doing on my computer?
EM: Nothing.
MK: Why were you pawing around on my keyboard? You usually only do that when I'm trying to work!
EM: Isn't my tail pretty?
MK: Are you trying to distract me?
EM: Would that work?
MK: Not really.
EM: Err ... I think I just heard Bear barf somewhere.

BC: {walking into the room} What about me?
MK: Ellie said you barfed somewhere.
BC: Phht. Get ME in trouble. You're the one messing around on the internet.
MK: WHAT??!? 
BC: Yeah. Smellie asked me to help her set up her e-mail.
MK: Wait a ... YOU'RE grounded from the computer!
BC: You always want me to be nice to Smellie and then when I am, I get in trouble! I'll go back to being mean!
EM: WHAT?!
MK: When have you been using my computer?
BC: See? Now that's when it's very convenient that you sleep eight hours a night and wear ear plugs.
MK: You two are up all night on my computer?!?
BC: ALL night is a bit of a stretch. I mean, you go to bed at like two am - so wouldn't it be half the night and then part of the day? I thought you'd be proud that we share.
MK: Is that why you've come in for cuddles and woken me up every couple hours? Because it was Ellie's turn and you had nothing better to do?
BC: I don't know about that. Sleep is better. Eating is better. Heck. And even poop is less complex.
EM: Too bad you can't cover your business in the litter box.
BC: HEY! You know I have a stinky poop side and a non-stinky poop side. It's not my fault you got in on the wrong side.
EM: You always leave your business uncovered!
The Boy: It's a sign that he thinks he's dominant.
EM: Well, technically, Momma's the boss, but ... I've never seen her leave her poop uncovered.
MK: Wait a ... are YOU TWO the reason my computer's been running really slow? What have you two been doing?
BC: I thought we slowed it down just enough to match your mental capabilities. You can thank me! Now you don't have to spend half the day staring at your computer and scratching your head.
MK: So let me get this straight ... you and Ellie get in trouble for being on the computer and you take the offensive and insult me?
EM: Err ...
BC: I'd think you already know how this works! Can you say .... DISTRACTION?
EM: Umm ... you just admitted ...
BC: RATS!
MK: May I see your inbox, Ellie?
EM: Well, I mean ... technically, it's my private correspondence ...
BC: NO! Don't show her! Then she'll expect ME to share MINE!
MK: That's actually a really good idea.
BC: RATS!
{Momma looks over Bear's inbox}



MK: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START! You applied for KFC? And you're looking at toilets?
BC: THRONES. I'm looking at THRONES. Now that I'm on the princess registry, I figured I should sit like one.
MK: What are imperfect chickens?! It's not like they come off the production line irregular! Why would you want a non-tasty chicken? Or a piece of a chicken?
BC: You took away my allowance! As they say, "If you've got a buck, you have a cluck."
MK: I don't believe this!
{Silence}
MK: Never mind. I TOTALLY believe it. Wait a ... YOU TRIED TO SELL ELLIE ON DEVILSLIST?!
BC: I was waiting to list The Boy until I found out how much I could get for Smellie. 
MK: You and Malccy from Malccy's Moments have been talking a lot?
BC: Phht. He's just across the pond - not in another galaxy.
MK: I know he's a good friend to you.
BC: Can you believe his people came up with a new system to deprive him of his second breakfasts? That's cruel and unusual! When one of them feeds him, they leave out a note that Malccy's been fed so he doesn't convince another member of the family that he's starving! Can you believe it? Like a common criminal!!! What's so wrong with two breakfasts?! I see Smellie eating fifth and sixth breakfasts all the time! But does she get in trouble?!? NO!
MK: So Malccy's back to casing the neighborhood BBQs?
BC: I don't think he ever stopped. HA! No BBQ is safe with him around! That fire-breathing dragon is his *itch. Actually, he's my hero. How many cats can snatch a steak from a neighbor's grill, manage to make it home with the steak still in one's mouth and live to tell about it?
MK: It's the end of grilling season.
BC: Well, what kind of nonsense is that?! A cat should be able to poach a steak from a neighbor's grill any time!
MK: Have you ever thought that the neighbors are wise to his plot now?
BC: Phht. These are HUMANS we're talking about. NOT cats.
MK: HEY! Wait! Your sister is NOT going anywhere!
BC: Phht. OBVIOUSLY.
MK: Let me rephrase that so we don't have technical confusion ... ELLIE is not going anywhere - no matter what you call her.
BC: Well, just last night, I was calling her ...
MK: STOP! I don't want to know! And Ellie's not allowed to run off chasing hugs or other cats.
EM: Not even Woodrow from Three Chatty Cats?! I have a mega crush on him! And he loves laps just as much as I do! I can imagine us sharing a lap and living happily ever after.
BC: Barf barf barf. I don't think you could find a lap big enough for you both ... you're a little on the excess side ...
EM: HEY! That's Woodrow you're talking about! No one messes with Woodrow and gets away with it!
BC: Umm ... no. Woodrow's not the size of a bus.
EM: Oh, yeah? I've seen your correspondence with HotTortie934. You think Frodo and I are stupid enough to run away to a city with lots of hugs!
BC: And?
EM: Well, it DID sound pretty good ... until I realized YOU'D suggested it. Hmph. Like I'd do anything you encourage me to do.
MK: BEAR! You're ordering Tiagra again?
BC: Umm ... AGAIN? Did I ever ...

{Pause}
BC: It's about time you noticed! I've been flaunting my tail around for days and you've been completely oblivious!
EM: I don't see any difference.
BC: You're just jealous!
MK: Bear, there is no difference.
BC: Just ruin my hopes and dreams! How did you know if you didn't notice a difference?
MK: Your inbox.
BC: RATS! Well, anyway, HotTortie934 loves me just the way I am!
MK: Whatever happened to SweetTortie4U?
BC: YOU got Mudpie grounded! Her Mommy didn't know she had an e-mail account and you blew that secret last time you invaded my inbox.
MK: I'm sorry, Bear.
BC: Eh. It gives her street cred. And I kind of like a bad girl.
MK: Not even one piece of fur on Mudpie is bad.
BC: HotTortie934.
MK: Your sister isn't going anywhere. Especially a city with a lot of hugs.
EM: Actually ...
BC: I'm going where I'm appreciated!
EM: The junk yard? What are you going to do there?
BC: HEY! Momma! You should see Smellie's e-mail inbox! It's right here!
EM: HEY!
MK: One inbox might be enough for today.
BC: I had to share MY inbox!
MK: Okay. Okay. Yeah. Crush on Woodrow. Ellie, when I told you about Sophie getting her head stuck in a Kleenex box, you weren't supposed to repeat that!

{Pause}
MK: Wait a ... Laptops4Less? What do you need a laptop for?
EM: NOTHING. I WANT to be a laptop. And they said they pay top dollar for laptops! I might as well make something for all the lap-sitting I do.
MK: Oh, yes. That e-mail exchange we had yesterday when I was trying to work!
EM: Well, I was trying to make my ears not lonely.
MK: Bear? 
BC: I didn't do it.
MK: You didn't send e-mails to your sister about her tail and revenge for me feeding you vegetables?
BC: Well, to be fair, I also e-mailed Smellie about revenge over your "vacation" where we got left behind.

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Disclosure: We received Fancy Feast Medleys Tuna Recipe Variety Pack Canned Cat Food (3-oz, case of 12) - for free in exchange for an honest review. Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat only shares information we believe would be of interest to our readers. The content is ours - neither Fancy Feast nor Chewy are responsible for the contents of this post. #ChewyInfluencer
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BC: I was framed!
MK: How's that?
BC: With a FRAME. OBVIOUSLY.
MK: Speaking of vegetables ... we have some food to try from Chewy.
BC: Oh. whenever you start like that, I just know I'm not going to like it.
MK: This month we're trying Fancy Feast Medleys Tuna Recipe Variety Pack Canned Cat Food.
BC: {sniffing the box} Fancy Feast?!? I LOVE Fancy Feast! Even the box smells good.

EM: And I love tuna! Let me smell! Let me smell!
MK: This is designed as a complete and balanced diet. And the broth that comes with it helps in keeping you two hydrated. The variety pack comes in three flavors: Tuna Florentine, Tuna Tuscany, and Tuna Primavera. Which one should we start with?

EM: Let's start with tuna!
BC: They're all tuna, stupid head.
EM: I'm not a stupid head, YOU'RE a stupid ...
MK: Tuna Primavera it is. Err ... with green stuff.

BC: You mean VEGETABLES?
MK: Err ... no. Of course not. It just says green stuff.
BC: ENOUGH TALKY! Just give me food or shut up! I'm not going to sit here and listen to you mumble along when my gastric juices are eating away at my patience.

MK: Okay. Okay. Here.
BC: HUH?! What's THAT?! There are ... there are ... THINGS in there that shouldn't ever be in cat food!!!

MK: I grant you that the fruits and vegetables part is a bit odd as cats are obligate carnivores that don't require fruits and vegetables for balanced nutrition - but it doesn't really hurt either.
BC: I don't know what you're talking about! Vegetables are taking over this planet.
{Pause}
BC: I don't think so. NOT eating it. What? Are you trying to kill me? Death by vegetable! HELP! HELLLLLLP! My Momma's trying to feed me vegetables! They're not even real food!
{Pause}
BC: I don't think so. What? are you trying to kill me? Death by vegetable! HELP! HELLLLLLP! My Momma's trying to feed me vegetables! They're not even real food!

MK: Ellie?
EM: Umm ... no thank you. You wouldn't really feed us vegetables, would you, Momma?
BC: DAMN! One of the few foods even Smellie won't eat! That's when you KNOW it's yucky.
MK: Oh, come on! Not even one of you will take a bite?!? It's TUNA!!! 
BC: WITH VEGETABLES.
MK: SHEESH! 
{Pause}
MK: Chewy is easy to love: they have a wide selection of QUALITY pet products, freshness is guaranteed, and they offer fast shipping and easy returns on all orders. With orders over $49, one to two day shipping is FREE! After hearing so many bloggers talk about Chewy's fast shipping, I was eager to see the difference for myself ... and sure enough! FAST! Much faster than any other seller I've encountered. Though my favorite part is 24/7 customer service. 
BC: Hehehehehehehe.
EM: MOMMA! MOMMA! Look what Bear put on the refrigerator!
MK: I probably don't want to know. Though I am kind of curious ...
{Momma goes to the kitchen and sees this sign on the refrigerator}
MK: {SIGH} I'm so glad we clarified that.
{Ellie giggles uncontrollably in the other room}

NOTE: I wish I could say it got better with the other two flavors - but while Bear and Ellie ate a few bites of the other two varieties where the vegetables weren't as obvious - in the end, this food was a complete bust. Bear is picky as all get out and I think his sister is slowly learning how to do the same.

Interested in trying Fancy Feast Medleys Tuna Recipe Variety Pack Canned Cat Food (3-oz, case of 12)? Go visit Chewy and order a pack for your favorite feline!

Wonder what we've thought about the other products we've reviewed as part of the Influencer program? To find our past reviews you may follow this tag: #ChewyInfluencer.

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33 comments:

  1. My goodness me you two have been quite busy and I bet you were ready for lots of yummy Fancy Feast Medley.
    Hugs Cecilia

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  2. Manny likes to get on my computer too, but he just sits his butt down on the keys! Guess I should be thankful...

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    Replies
    1. I even typed out a post once! I like to dance in front of Momma and have her admire me. ~Ellie Mae

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  3. That was fun and you sure get some interesting emails Bear. You might end up being the Official KFC Kit!

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  4. I always had trouble with Eric and Flynn trying to use the computer too. Once when I had a new laptop Flynn was sharing my lap with it and touched something. As I watched the icon slowly got bigger and bigger. It took about an hour to work out what he had done and get it back to normal.
    Flynn wouldn't eat vegetables either. Two of his varieties had carrot, peas or beans in them and he would always pick them out and leave them in a neat pile on the edge of his dish.

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    1. Hahaha. I'm so thankful for my DESKTOP. Back when I had the laptop, I couldn't keep Bear off it. He was either ON it or popping the keys off. And I spent a couple hours more than one time trying to fix some setting he'd managed to change :)

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  5. Admiral was the one who got up on the laptop as often and as thoroughly as possible. Katie, not so much. I use the desk top for serious things and it's got wireless stuffs i.e. keyboard and mouse so I can lift them away from her feets and butt to avoid interesting phenomenon.
    I loved those inboxes and I am amazed they let you see that! Why, some of those are like Katie's inbox! She hears from her boyfriends mostly... they do a lot of meowing about her lush tail and tempting mustache.

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  6. Kitties with email accounts...what could possibly go wrong? 😂

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  7. Hee! Hee! I am sooooo glad that Mom has not found my email account...I can just imagine.
    And wow! A NEW Fancy Feast! I LOVE Fancy Feast and I LOVE tuna! I gotta get Mom to look for it today! Yummy Yummy Yummy!
    Purrs
    Marv

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  8. The kitties here love FF Medleys, even with veggies, but they only get it on rare occasions. Oh my goodness, the email inboxes were so funny! I'd love to see Annie's but would be leery of Pierrot's. It's always very enjoyable to see both of your pictures!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you :) Pierrot's would be interesting - that's for sure ;)

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  9. AMARULA: I know I am your number one hot tortie Bear!!! And I can't thank you enough for trying to get rid of Frodo for me!! I think he and your sister belong together!! I'll try to set up a secret email account just like you and see if I can sell the two of them...if the human ever lets me near the computer!!

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    Replies
    1. RATS! Momma should've been smart enough to make you HotTortie#1 instead of 934. Don't worry ... I'll make sure she understands ;) ~Bear Cat

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  10. Oh, I am CRACKING UP!!! Mudpie doesn't mind that she's grounded right now...she says it's too cold outside to go anywhere! (And Mama is absolutely right...there's not a bad piece of fur on her perfect little body.)

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  11. At least they were distracted from their email momentarily by new food! Sam doesn't go for veggies either, though she does like pumpkin (which might technically be a fruit?).
    Jan, Wag 'n Woof Pets

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  12. Sure hope the many cats around here don't learn how to do emails. But yours are very interesting. We probably wouldn't like the tuna with veggies either. Like you said, why ruin the tuna.

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  13. Maybe MommaKat needs better passwords, if you two are setting up email accounts on her computer! :D

    Sorry you didn't gp for the veggies in those FF medleys, Bear and Ellie. Even with the tuna, huh?

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    1. Hmmm ... so THAT'S what she has written down near the computer ;) ~Bear Cat

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  14. You 2 crack me up. What if the greens were catnip?

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  15. You know, Ellie, Sophie is HORRIBLE at keeping secrets! I bet Woodrow already knows about the crush. And he'd probably be quite flattered. I'm sure he could find a lap big enough for you two. But yeah, don't trust Sophie and secrets. Btw, I didn't know that Sophie had an email address! I gotta find out her password!!! Any ideas?

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  16. Well, we should meow, sorry you didn't like the noms, but we just can't. We think the only way these companies are gonna take us kitties seriously is ifin we quit buyin' and eatin' their foods. Big hugs

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

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