Mr. Hissy *issy Pants strikes again

Bear's had it with having his blood sugar tested and getting insulin shots. Meanwhile, he finds himself in quite a bit of trouble with Momma and Ellie Mae. Secrets, a lot of blood, pig latin and lots of feline nonsense: what could go wrong  right?


BC: Bear Cat Kat 
MK: Momma Kat 
EM: Ellie Mae Kat 
The Boy: Momma's fiance 

BC: *(@ your @*#$!
EM: Hiii--II!
BC: OH, great. The ONE thing that makes this better.
EM: Really?
BC: {sigh}.
EM: I make this better? What this?
BC: I WAS BEING FACETIOUS!
EM: Fa sees hiss? Who's Fa? And who is the "hiss" he sees?
BC: That's it. I quit.
EM: Wait ... what?
BC: I QUIT! I QUIT! I QUIT!
EM: You quit?
BC: YES!
EM: Quit Fa sees hiss?
BC: Quit being your brother!
EM: Well, Daddy says you're my brofur. So you'd still be my brofur right - even if you're not my brother?
MK: OWWWWWWWWWWWW! Son of a ...
EM: THAT'S A LOT OF BLOOD!

BC: And there's more where THAT came from!
MK: This whole diabetes thing is most painful for me.
EM: Oh, hey! Did you run into a barbed wire fence?
BC: YES! Yes, she did! And the barbed wire fence's name is Bear.
EM: So the fence has the same name as you? COOL!
BC: You know my rule.
EM: Fart first and ask questions later?
BC: NO! The OTHER rule.
EM: Work is for chumps?
BC: NO! The OTHER rule.
EM: Our humans must always wear pants?
BC: NO!
EM: Scarf then barf?
BC: Do you even pay attention?
EM: To what?
BC: ME!
EM: What?
BC: My rule is that if you make me bleed, I'll make you bleed more.
EM: That's your golden rule. Although considering the nature of the rule, maybe it should be your red rule.
BC: Exactly. So Momma checks my blood sugar twice a day before my shots and I make her bleed more than I bleed.
EM: Wait ... Momma shoots you? MOMMA! That's not very nice! No wonder you look like you danced with a barbed wire fence named Bear.
BC: ME!
EM: You danced with a barbed wire fence named Bear?
BC: NO! I MADE HER BLEED! I'M the barbed wire fence!
EM: Is this a game?

BC: WHAT?
EM: I'm a monkey's mailman.
BC: What?
EM: I'm playing along! We're playing the I AM game!
BC: No. That game is the lame game.
MK: Can we get this over with, please?
BC: Only if you want me to *&@$ you up!
EM: What are you doing, Momma?
MK: I'm testing Bear's blood sugar.
EM: OH! COOL! Can I go next?
BC: Hey! Since having one's blood sugar tested is SO fun, I'll let you go first!
EM: REALLY?!?! That's so nice! I'm ready. I can't wait! This is going to be so fun!
BC: HEY! You can even have my insulin shot.
EM: Shot?
BC: No, see, Momma gives you a little poke with SuperMan serum and you can fly.
EM: OH! Cool!
MK: NO!
EM: But why can't I get SuperMan serum?
BC: Go ahead, Momma. You can give her my dose.
EM: PLEASE?!?! Bear, I'm surprised you're being so nice!
BC: Anything for my favorite sister!
EM: I'M your favorite sister? That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me!
MK: You're also his ONLY sister, Ellie.
EM: Ummm ...
BC: If I wanted a sister, I'd want you.
EM: AWWWWWWWW. Are we best friends?

BC: IF I wanted a sister.
EM: Uh, okay. I think.
MK: Do you think we can get this done before I bleed out all over the floor?
EM: That really IS a lot of blood.
BC: Don't mess with Bear Cat Kat.
MK: Throughout this whole blood test and insulin shot fiasco, I've bled more than you, Bear. Even when we adjust for our relative weights. And I've CERTAINLY stuck myself more by accident than I've stuck you.
BC: Love hurts.
MK: YOU hurt.
EM: But I'm his favorite sister!
BC: SHHHHHH! Keep it down! I have street cred to uphold.
EM: You're embarrassed of me?
BC: Err ... I'm not embarrassed by you per se ... it's your existence that embarrasses me.
EM: Oh. Okay. 
MK: Ellie, that's not any bet ... oh, never mind.
EM: Test my blood sugar, Momma! This is so exciting! I've never had my blood sugar tested before!
MK: Umm ... actually ... when you're at the vet and they take some of your blood ...
EM: WHEN THEY POKE ME?
MK: Yeah. One of the tests they do is to check your blood sugar.
EM: WHAT?!?!? But Bear said ...
MK: Ellie ...
EM: WHAT? Bear wouldn't lie to me!
MK: {sigh} Ellie, when was the last time Bear said something that was true?
EM: Well, earlier today, he told me if I didn't stop looking at him, I'd be sorry. I didn't stop looking at him and I WAS sorry.

BC: Hehe ... {seeing Momma's face} ... err ...
MK: Let me rephrase that ... what has he told you that was true and didn't involve a threat to you?
EM: Well, last night he said you'd brush our teeth soon. I HATE my teeth being brushed!
MK: But I didn't brush your teeth last night!
EM: Well, no. But you did tonight.
MK: THAT'S NOT THE SAME ... Ellie! You know I brush your teeth every other day. So when Bear says I'll brush your teeth soon, he has no special information, he's just playing the odds.
EM: The what?
MK: Notice how he uses "soon" instead of "tonight?"
EM: Well, now that you mention it ...
MK: When else has he told you the truth?
EM: Yesterday!
MK: Okay.
EM: You were running around and trying to get everything done before Daddy got home and Bear said he was going to do something that was really funny.
BC: Utshay upyay.
EM: WHAT?
MK: Bear's speaking pig latin.
EM: Pigs speak Latin?
MK: NO! It's not a real language.
EM: LATIN isn't a real language? I'm pretty sure the Latinians would be offended at that. And why shouldn't pigs get their own kind of Latin? That's discrimination! Oh sure, the Latinians can speak Latin, but pigs can't?
MK: {sigh} Never mind. So what was really funny?
BC: Ipzay ityay.
EM: I don't know what that means!

BC: I'm speaking in the language of your relatives!
MK: PIGS DON'T ACTUALLY SPEAK LATIN, you two nuts!
EM: But the language of my relatives would be the language of black cats ...
MK: No, Ellie. He was saying your relatives are pigs.
EM: WHAT?! And I was about to keep your secret!
BC: Uh oh.
EM: You know your desk chair with the wheels on the bottom?
MK: Okay ...
EM: Bear ran really fast and leaped in the chair over and over again, moving it to the center of the room. Then you hurried out of the kitchen and ...
MK: BEAR CAT KAT! I broke my toe!
EM: But it WAS really funny!
MK: I KNEW I hadn't left my desk chair in the middle of the floor!
BC: Oops.
EM: And Bear caught it on video!
MK: {her voice raised a couple octaves} WHAT?!?!
EM: Yeah. We watched it over and over again last night. Slow, fast ... it was always funny!
MK: You BOTH are grounded.
EM: But Bear did it! And he wrote down all the bad words you used for his cursing collection.
BC: Oops?
EM: OH! And Bear showed me how to use the food ball!
MK: Excuse me?
EM: That blue ball? The one with treats?
MK: The puzzle feeder?
EM: He showed me how to get the treats out of it!
MK: Let me guess ... because when you couldn't get it to work, you disturbed his nap so he just showed you how to get the treats out?
BC: Phht. Shows what YOU know. I figured if I showed her how to get the treats out, she'd roll the ball up and down the hall - doing all the work - and since she's too stupid to eat the treats right away and waits until she can't roll it any farther ... I could grab at least half the treats without her realizing it and without having to do any work.
EM: WHAT?!?!
BC: Err ... I mean ...

{Pause as Bear sees Ellie's really ticked off face}
BC: Umm ... now I know how The Boy feels!
MK: What?
BC: You always trick him into saying stuff that gets him in trouble. And you do it to me too.
EM: I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU!
BC: Can I get that in writing?
EM: That's not all you'll get!
BC: But wait ... remember? The Superman Serum and blood testing?
EM: YEAH, right! You were just trying to trick me! You're not a good brother at all!
BC: Ummm ... can you tell the torties that? Because torties like bad boys and it would really help my street cred and I might get la ...
{Pause}
BC: OWWW! MOMMA! You enjoyed doing that, didn't you?
MK: Oops.
BC: OH, SHUT UP! I HATE ALL OF YOU!
EM: GOOD, BECAUSE WE HATE YOU TOO!
BC: WOMEN! Always persecuting some poor male.
EM: It's not persecution when it's deserved!
BC: Oh, look at you, Miss Fancy Pants Word ... err ... sayer.
{Pause}
BC: OWW!
MK: Insulin done.
EM: YEAH! He's in sulin! BEAR! You're in SULIN!
BC: Too bad she used her one moment of brilliance to define persecution.
EM: I'm tired of being the butt of your jokes and Bear-ness. When I get all comfortable at a spot, you come and sit on me so I'll move!

BC: I prefer pre-warmed seating. Even if it smells like ...
EM: And the other night, you were done eating, but you didn't want me to eat the rest of your wet food, so you put your tail in it!

BC: YOU LICKED MY TAIL!
EM: BECAUSE IT HAD FOOD ON IT!
BC: Isn't it bad enough that you can find a dried bit of wet food no one else can see, you eat random things that seem edible. you'll eat "recycled" food I deposit around the house and you've elevated licking plates to an art form?
EM: I have an inclusive eating policy.
BC: You mean you have an inclusive butt policy?
{Pause}
BC: Then I finally realized that if I eat your favorite wet food that I normally refuse to eat. I know you won't eat my flavor - meaning I get both plates. Smellie? Are you paying attention?
EM: Ummm ... Momma?
MK: Uh ... huh?
EM: That really is a lot of blood ...
MK: Where?
EM: YOUR ARM!
MK: I'm just feeling a little woozy ... I'll be fine in a minute.
EM: Ummm ... should I call 911?
MK: N ... o ... fine.
BC: We're blocked from calling 911, remember?
EM: Oh, yeah. How many times did you report an empty food bowl or being murdered by your Momma?
BC: Oops.
{Pause}
BC: HEY! MOMMA! It's wet food treat time! MOMMA! MOMMA?!? Smellie, what did you do to her? Where did all this blood come from?
{Pause as Ellie stares at Bear}
BC: Err ... oops?

© 2020 Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat - Published by K. Kern. 
All text, pictures, images, and other content are original and copyright by Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat [K. Kern], 2015-2020. No content on Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat may be used without the owner's [K. Kern] written permission. If you see this post posted on a site that isn't Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat, please contact cats@mommakatandherbearcat.com. 

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44 comments

  1. Yep, those ear sticks and shots can be very stressful, mostly for the humans, but you sound like you're good at adding to the stress Bear!

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  2. Yikes! We're glad we didn't have to see all that blood.

    The Florida Furkids

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  3. Oh Ellie Mae you do have lots of drama to deal with. Bear I'm sorry about the pokes and that you have to endure shots but at least you don't have to go to the vet to get them. I had to give Angel Madi Adequan shots. I never in my wildest dreams thought she would sit still for them. She was not much on touchy feely or confinement. Lo and behold it was the easy. When she was sitting I could pinch up just a bit of skin on her neck...sticky sticky was quicky quicky
    Hugs Cecilia

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    Replies
    1. I was shocked that Bear is harder to stick than Kitty. She wasn't touchy feely, but if I gave her a plate of wet food, I could get the shot in with little fuss. But she'd only eat the wet food once a day so I couldn't stick her more often as I really needed to. Bear's always been so laid back about stuff like this - I honestly didn't expect the drama.

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  4. MK, you are so clearly outnumbered...
    We hope Bear's condition is stable and you have enough bandaids!

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  5. We're sorry you have to go through all of this. We hope things settle down soon.

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    Replies
    1. I think that would be in Momma's best interest. ~Bear Cat

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  6. I think you should set up video cameras, to capture the hilarity!
    Hilarity...chaos...whatevs...
    ;-)

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  7. Oh Bear! Your Momma is only trying to help you.

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  8. Mom had a cat that received insulin once a day. Boo would talk all through the insulin shot and just keep talking when mom was finished. No problem for Boo although mom felt bad for her.

    EM, you are keeping Bear's mind off his shots with your sisterly babble. mol

    Shoko

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  9. Daily insulin shots were given to Angel Tara at our house too. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I could do it, but we do what we have to do for our fur babies.

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    Replies
    1. Kitty was diabetic - but that was 15 years ago. So much has changed! But it's still just as hard emotionally.

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  10. Ummmm....you two need to remember that Momma is the one that gives out the food and treats as well. You need to keep her healthy (and not bleeding!!). :)
    PS...Thank you for your comments on my post today...it meant so much to me that you have such wonderful thoughts about our Angel Sam and her chickens. I LOVED it. ♥♥

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    1. I was afraid my comment was too cheesy - but it seemed so obvious to me as I looked at the picture with Charlie. And by the way, we have wonderful thoughts about ALL of your Angels. We could never forget. NEVER.

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  11. MK...EM and BC...you totes cracked me up. Troof! I still have a an open mouthed big smile on. Have had since I read and then re-read to make sure I didn't miss any of your smart remarks, Mr. Bear! Miss Ellie...think Deportment as a good go-to. Good grief! Your mom and Dad...what they go through with you two!

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    1. Phht. What about what WE go through because of them? You've never seen Momma or The Boy without pants! There's not enough mind bleach in the world for that! ~Bear Cat

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  12. Have to say, whenever I see Ellie Mae with that precious little face turned up looking at you, I wish I could crawl thru the monitor and smooch her!

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    Replies
    1. She will always be my best model. Trying to get a shot of Bear looking at me is hit or miss ... but some feathers or something, and Ellie Mae's eyes are on me :)

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  13. Oh and Bear, I scratched mommy's eyes out...right onto the pillow! Well, sorta.

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  14. Sounds like Ellie has a lot of rules to keep straight. Bear, I'm sorry that you have to get stuck twice a day. But maybe take it easy on your momma. If she bleeds too much, she'll be too weak to take care of you. Or perhaps she should search Amazon for a full body suit.

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    Replies
    1. You're right. I should write all my rules down for Smellie. I dare my Momma to try a full body suit. Where there's a claw and a fang, there's a way! ~Bear Cat

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  15. I do hope you got your treats before the blood ran out? Of course, Bear, you could try for a tansfusion from Ellie to your mum?
    Purrs
    ERin

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    Replies
    1. I'm sure if I told Smellie Momma needed her blood, she'd be eager to donate ALL of it. DARN! ~Bear Cat

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  16. We are really sorry you're all having to go through this. Ear sticks and insulin shots are no fun. We love you guys.

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  17. Sounds like your poor Momma is going to need a transfusion. I am sorry you have to get picked twice a dy though.

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    Replies
    1. Actually, I'M lucky. She might stick me only 3 or 4 times - but she sticks herself like 6 times a day because she's not paying attention! ~Bear Cat

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  18. Love your RULES (especially the farting one - ha, ha, ha!). Sorry about all that blood stuff - must be a real pain the butt. xxx

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  19. dood....we iz knot sure who we feelz for most....honest ta cod....ewe ore yur mom.... !!!!

    we hope thiz hole pro seed ure getz easier over time ......trooth :) ♥♥

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    Replies
    1. Don't tell anyone ... but I kind of feel sorry for my Momma. Not that she doesn't deserve what she gets ... but don't worry, I've done worse and she's still here :) ~Bear Cat

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  20. I've seen my mom test her blood, but thank the starts that she hasn't tried to test mine, 'cause I HATE needles. Needles are the teeth of vampires! Hmm. . . Bear, maybe you could find a vampire slayer in the yellow pages. Winks.

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  21. We're sorry you have to experience this, Bear. Remember, your Momma needs her blood to keep her strength to feed you! That's what I told Lexy when she accidentally scratched Mommy the other day.

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    Replies
    1. Accidents happen. Then again, in this house, there aren't many accidents :)

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  22. We feel for you, Bear. Our older brother Buddy was diabetic for TEN YEARS and needed insulin twice a day. Getting his blood was difficult as he aged, so Mom would take him to the vet to have it done. However, Buddy lived to be 24 years old. Have faith.

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    1. TEN YEARS?!?! With the rate my Momma's going when she "helps" me, she's not going to live that long! ~Bear Cat

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