Tuesday, April 16, 2019

Death by taxes and other stories

This episode occurred the week before last. Momma used her break from blogging to complete her taxes. Bear had just started his new medication - which now seems to be working in terms of what he eats and how he's not vomiting nearly as much as he did before - at least for now. Momma's quickly learned that with pancreatitis there's a big difference between winning a battle and winning the war. Sometimes life involves two spatting cats ... taxes ... and lots of barfing.

PLEASE HELP! We need a favor! As many of you know, Momma's been unhappy with our current format. As is, even Momma wouldn't read our own posts because they are so long. Momma's operated on the assumption that people would prefer the entire story in one place than to have parts scattered throughout the week. Please let us know what you think. Would you be just as likely to read our posts if they were spread over three days instead of all in one? Which format do you prefer? Do you have any other ideas about how to structure our posts? Better organization? More headings? Too many "private" jokes and references that require being a regular reader of our blog to get? Let us know in the comments!

MK: Momma Kat
BC: Bear Cat Kat
EM: Ellie Mae Kat
The Boy: Momma's fiance

MK: I HATE taxes. But I'm ALMOST done ... just need to print out and finish this worksheet ...
BC: {jumping on the table} HI!

MK: Bear ...
BC: Don't worry. I've got this Momma. No one shoots paper at my Momma!
{Pause}
BC: Are you talking to me? ARE. YOU. TALKING. TO. ME?
MK: Ummm ...
BC: I'm not talking to you, Momma!
MK: Then who are you ...
BC: I've had enough of your sass. Do you kiss your mother with that mouth? You shoot that paper at me one more time ...
MK: WHAT?! Shooting paper?
BC: THE PRINTER! Well, fidget you too, stupid printer! I'll funk you up, punk! I'll skunk your junk until your spunk is shrunk. 
MK: But ...
BC: Try to throw a piece my way, why don't you? You can't be tougher than Bear Cat Kat! I'm not scared of anything! I'm the quack daddy! Come on! MAKE. MY. DAY! I'm going to shove that paper so far up ...
{Pause}
BC: HEY! Come back with that! I wasn't done with you!
MK: Bear, it pulls the paper back in to print on the other side.
BC: That's what I thought! It got up on the wrong side of the printer.
MK: No, see it prints two-sided ...
BC: Come back here and let me teach you a lesson!

{Pause}
BC: I see you mocking me, stupid printer! We'll finish this right now!
{The printer makes a noise that startles Bear}
BC: AHHH! It's trying to kill me! It's trying to kill me! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLP!
MK: Bear! It's just a paper!
BC: Don't be ridiculous. It's not JUST a paper ... famous last words! JUST a paper until a cat ends up in a chalk outline!
{Pause as the printer feeds another sheet of paper to print on}
BC: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! {Jumping down from the table} It's after me! It's after me! HELP! Hold my calls! You haven't seen me! I don't live here! I gotta get out of here!

MK: Mr. Tough Pants strikes again!
EM: Sheesh. When Momma said she was doing her taxes she said that it frustrates her to no end ... but they are downright dangerous! 
BC: {from under the bed} Death by taxes!
MK: One more copy.
EM: I'll take care of this! NO ONE HURTS MY BROTHER!
BC: {from under the bed} NO! Smellie! Don't go near that evil contraption! It will throw paper at you!
{Pause}
BC: HUH? What am I saying? STICK YOUR HEAD IN THERE!
{Pause}
BC: {coming out from under the bed} I gotta see this!
EM: I'm not stupid! I saw what happened when you stuck your head in the printer.
BC: I did that to teach you a lesson.
EM: How to be a moron? Adventures in ...
{Paper feeds into the printer}
BC: {running back under the bed} AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
MK: Whew! That's done. That goes on the stack ... Now to finish the ...
EM: OH! Paper on the floor! Paper on the floor! I have to lay on it!
MK: NOT MY TAXES!
{Pause}
MK: Bear! I turned the printer off - it's safe to come out.
BC: Phht. Like I'm scared of a piece of paper. The Boy, the printer ... you're really good at turning things off.
EM: Umm ... this is comfy. Surely the tax people wouldn't mind a few samples of my wonderful fur, right? They might even give you an extra credit!
MK: Ellie! OFF MY TAXES!
EM: Awww.
BC: Yeah. Right. I bet every year, they get tons of fur from every Tom, Dick and Harry Cat. 
EM: WHO? Why would Tom, Dick, and Harry send all their fur to the tax people? 

BC: Fur with one's taxes ... SO passe and pedestrian. And fur doesn't pay the bills!
MK: I seem to remember some cat furring up my homework, our business cards, greeting cards ...
BC: Phht. That's different. That's MY fur!
EM: I bet Tom, Dick and Harry Cat wouldn't appreciate you calling them passe and pedestrian. Hmmm ...
{Pause}
EM: Well, my fur might be worth something ... thick bushy tail ... shiny coat ... it only seems fair to share my wealth ...
MK: Come on, Ellie! MOVE!
BC: And your taxes could maybe use a fang mark or two ... you know, for authenticity.
MK: Don't you dare! I need to finish my return!
BC: RETURN? You're taking Smellie back? Or The Boy? Or BOTH? MY. PRAYERS. HAVE. BEEN. ANSWERED!
EM: HEY! I'm sick and tired of you making fun of me!
BC: You make a good idiot.
EM: Thanks!
MK: BEAR!
EM: Wait a minute ...
BC: Gee. Thanks, Momma! If you hadn't said my name she wouldn't have realized ...
EM: I'm not stupid! I'm really smart! I can over-smart you anytime!

BC: Please. You couldn't over-smart me even if you had a brain and a dictionary.
EM: I could over-smart you with my paws tied behind my back and blind-folded.
BC: Don't tempt me. That actually sounds perfect. Well, as long as your mouth is taped shut.
MK: Can you two take this away from my taxes?
BC: Oh, really? YOU can over-smart me? How many times have you run around like a crazy-pants thinking I was chasing you?
EM: Well, you said you'd play with me ...
BC: EXACTLY! You should know better.
EM: Aww. I just want to be your friend!
BC: Okay.
EM: REALLY?!?!
BC: Moron!
EM: That's not a nice thing to call a friend! No wonder you don't have any friends!
BC: Hehehehehehehehehehehe.
{Pause}
BC: Wait a ... I have PLENTY of friends. They're just intimidated by my handsome perfection.
EM: Why do I get the idea that I'm the butt of some joke?
BC: You're certainly the butt of ...
MK: BEAR!
EM: You want a piece of me? GO FOR IT! But I'll hand you your fat striped butt on a platter!
BC: HA! You don't have a HAND to hand me anything! And we don't have a platter. HA!
MK: Can you two take this away from my taxes? I'm ALMOST done and I just want to be done with it!
EM: Not only is Bear mean to me, but everything I love gets destroyed thanks to Bear! My old scratcher, my new scratcher ... my box! He ruins everything!

BC: Phht. I can't help it. I'm a force of nature!
EM: A force of nature that's scared of everything!
BC: Besides, I'm sick, remember? I can't help barfing.
EM: And you can't barf on say ... your shark bed or the cat cube?
BC: But then I couldn't use them!
EM: EXACTLY!
BC: I think you should rethink the demise of the old scratcher and your box.
EM: You BARFED on them!
BC: No. I BARFED on the old scratcher and on the new scratcher. I FARTED in your box.
EM: Either way, it's gross!
BC: But the way I remember it, the actual destruction wasn't me.


EM: MOMMA! Bear's confusing me!
BC: Big surprise. HUGE!
{Pause}
BC: Besides, I'm a boy. We do boy stuff and we change for no woman!
EM: Boys are gross.

The Boy: HUH?
EM: Not you, Daddy.
BC: ESPECIALLY him.
{Ellie vomits}
BC: NOT BAD! NOT BAD, SISTER! A little practice aiming, some dramatics - and you'll be on par with me!
EM: I didn't mean to do that! My belly is furry.
BC: Furry? You ate that kibble from behind the couch, didn't you?
EM: Err ... but that's not what I'm talking about. My fur coat is so gloriously bushy and full that I get a stomach full of fur when I groom myself.
MK: Oh, Ellie! Are you okay? I don't remember seeing you vomit before.
BC: Her stomach is "furry."
MK: Ellie Mae Kat, did you eat that moldy kibble from behind the couch?
EM: WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP ASKING ME THAT? Like I go around eating stuff off the floor ...
BC: And ...
EM: Hmmm ...
{Pause}
EM: Yeah. I am kind of a kitty garbage disposal. So what?

{Pause}
EM: It's so unfair! Bear gets all this special attention and is forgiven for just about everything because he's sick. He gets all the good food and you don't make him share!
BC: Phht. Like I'm a Share Bear. More accurately ... my name is Bear and I'm a barf-aholic.
EM: Last night, Momma made three plates of food for you! She wouldn't do that for me. And you ate none of them!
BC: Phht. And who got them when I turned my nose up at them?
EM: BUT IT'S NOT THE SAME! I just got your left-overs!
BC: The left-overs taste the same.
EM: But why would I want something you won't eat?
BC: And yet, you did.
EM: I want to be sick too so I get all the special treatment! "Bear! PLEASE eat? PLEASE?" "Bear, I'll give you whatever food you want!" "Bear come cuddle with your Momma!" "Ellie! Leave Bear alone!"
BC: And go to the vet? Because Momma took me. And LEFT ME THERE for over an hour.
EM: Well, that doesn't sound so fun - but I like to flirt with people and have them admire my tail. With that string of yours, you wouldn't understand.
BC: STRING?! STRING?!?!? My STRING?!? Let me tell you, sister ... it's not the size of the tail ...
EM: But how you use it. Right? As repeated by every cat with a thin or short tail.
BC: Of all the ...
{Pause}
BC: I ... ! YOU! ... ERR ...!
EM: Cat got your tongue?
BC: That's it. Your box is toast. I'm barfing in it with an exuberance to end all barfing until the end of time.
EM: Then I might need to use my recently acquired skills to barf where you like to sleep.
BC: With Momma?
EM: Err ... good point.

© 2019 Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat - Published by K. Kern.
All text, pictures, images, and other content are original and copyright by Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat [K. Kern]. No part of my post may be used without my written permission. If you see this post posted on a site that isn't Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat, please contact mommakatandherbearcat@gmail.com.


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46 comments:

  1. Oh no, so much barfing I feel a tad queasy myself. For all the mice and Captain Jacks I eat, I never knowingly barf anywhere.
    Now humour is a funny thing (pardon pun) and the same for posts, too. Some folk never visit me; either mine were too long or they didn't like format, content or me. Who knows, but I think you need to stick to what you like and what works for most. I like a story (singular and around 1500 words) in a single dose—like a chapter in a book— but longer stories split over a few weeks/days also works. But that is just how I work, and folks that like that have stuck around. But I post as a rule once a week, so there is scope that I could change that for a bigger or longer story.
    Purrs and hope the taxes go well and hair free ;)
    ERin

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We love your writing! Especially with Esme and Jennifer, etc. We've been hoping you'd start another!

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  2. Hey, your format is totally you and you should only change it if YOU feel the need. I do wonder why taxes are so darn taxing.

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  3. I do think shorter posts would be good. We would like to hear more about Bear and how he is doing. We didn't know he was sick.We love seeing them both and hearing their stories. You all have a great day.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. Bear's actually doing much better - at least for now :)

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  4. I've got to agree with Brian's comment above; it's your blog! Ellie, Da Boyz have whittled a box almost to the bottom...then they stopped! Am wondering if I should replace said box, so they can start again...what I your opinion?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Take away their box?!?! WHAT?!?! Give them a new box but make sure you keep their work of art too! Just last night, I started on a new box! Don't tell anyone though ... it's full of stuff and I'm hoping Momma won't notice. ~Ellie Mae

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  5. One of the nice thing of a purrsonal blog is that it's YOUR blog : do as you want and as you prefer for your format ;) Purrs

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  6. I agree with Brian- your blog is YOU and the cats and your family and that is what makes it unique. Though I do find personally that shorter blogs sometimes have more "zing" and leave you wanting more. I sometimes can read the whole thing when they are too long as much as I love Bear and his sister!
    AMARULA: Humans are stupid! Who cares what they think! The more Bear the better! And I agree with you that the printer must die!!

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    Replies
    1. Maybe Frodo and our stupid printer can run off and elope! Nah. I wouldn't put the printer through that ;) ~Bear Cat

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  7. You guys almost make taxes seem fun. 😁

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  8. When I first met you all, I did think the posts were a little long. However, I was interested and so I read them. Since I was first here, I have become accustomed to their length and I am here every time I get notification there is a new one. Because I love reading them. My thought is keep your present format and the number of pictures of the two kids! Because that is exactly what they are like. Why I love coming here. For me, I wouldn't change a thing. It is uniquely yours. That's what makes it so entertaining and fun. Those two are serious true-to-life-siblings!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! Truly. I've been plagued by doubt and insecurity and your comments I took to heart - and truly touched my heart.

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  9. Like Katie Isabella, were always reading your posts and having the photos and photos with writing to break the post up. Despite length, we want it all at once. Keep putting photos in too. They make me laugh.

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    Replies
    1. I'm so glad to hear that about the pictures! I feel especially insecure about my photography skills - so I use them grudgingly. Thank you for the compliment too ... I've been struggling a bit lately and I needed to hear what you said.

      Delete
  10. We love you just the way you are but if you feel change is necessary that's completely up to you! So glad Bear is doing better. And can I tell you how much I admire you that you do your own taxes???

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  11. I have so many thoughts, and the first is that I think taxes sound way more fun with a cat to help! Sam has no interest in watching the printer. :) The barfing thing reminds me of a funny story...but I'm going to be too wordy here as it is! :)
    As far as your posts, I do find the length of them tough at times. But I'm a blogger and we all know how much time we spend at that, so it's just harder for me to find the time to sit down and read a long post. That's why I'm sometimes behind in reading yours, because I need to find the right time. However, I agree with some of the comments above....you should do what works for you! I write long posts sometimes too; though I try to only write one long one per week, and keep the rest short. But, you can't please everyone, so you might as well please yourself! And I'll be here reading, even if I'm just a bit behind. While it would be easier for me to read multiple shorter posts, I'll be here either way. Your stories are fun and entertaining, though I do also agree with Marg that I'd like to read more personal stuff...I worried about Bear when we didn't know what was going on with his health.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bear's doing much better - at least for now. Of course, now that I've said that ...
      I didn't even consider that I could do both - maybe one long post and two short ones or something like that. Actually, I love that idea! Thank you!

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  12. This is a tough question to answer. You have to do what works for you; if you feel too constrained by trying to give readers what you think they want, you won't enjoy it as much. Personally I would prefer somewhat shorter posts but I'm here anyway! I just have to pick my moments so I have enough time. I like that the cat blogosphere has all kinds of styles.

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    Replies
    1. What really strikes me is that if I stopped by a blog with identical posts - I wouldn't read all of them. I feel like I must but it turns more into a feeling of obligation than wanting to. I don't want to put other people in that same situation.

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    2. No way. (to your comment above) And if I had a gun to my head, I'd say go on the way you are and for pete sake . The pictures are excellent. Yours blogs have meat on the bones. I have the appetizer type of blog. Yours are the meal. No one would want me to write longer unless there is a matter that needs their attention. I will do that on occasion but usually they are shorter and deal with Katie's precious sweetness. People have been kind to her and to me. But you...it's like after school time with the kids , and night time after supper and before bed. Keep on Girl. (my vote) 😻

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    3. You humble me with your comments. Both formats have a place and value. You might be right that trying to put myself in the shorter format box is destroying what makes me unique. Thank you.

      Delete
  13. Taxes suck, don't they? Thanks for making us smile in spite of it being "the season." :)

    We are not sure we'd change your format, Kat. It's what makes your blog unique! We'll still visit and read no matter what you decide, though!

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  14. No matter your decision ...after all it is what works best for you and your time frame...I think you are right on any given day someone might not have time to read it in total. Maybe broken down into two parts would work.

    Hugs Cecilia

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  15. You kitties need to get yourself a dog because dogs are like little garbage trucks - they follow us around and clean up anything (and I mean ANYTHING) that we kitties leave behind. Ruby is like my own personal barf housekeeper. Feel better Bear! Sorry about all that barf on your stuff Ellie. XOXO, Rosie

    About your question, I like having your stories all in one post. Realistically, I only get around to commenting once a week (and sometimes I miss a week or two) so I would probably miss part of the story if it were spread out between posts. Here's an idea (which is probably super complicated and not at all what you asked for help with) what about offering each post in long form story (as you have been doing) for those who like to read AND also add a short video version which tells the story through photos and only uses a few lines of text for those with short attention spans. I have thought about doing this with my longer posts as I know some people like to read and others just want to skim.

    P.S: Hope to see you at Cat Writers next month. I'm going - yay!

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    Replies
    1. I can't wait to see you! I like your idea ... I just need to think about how to execute it ...

      Delete
  16. guys.....itz knot how long yur postz iz; for us it dee pendz on how much time
    we can spend sneekin round blog land; matterz knot de day; coz de food gurl sneekz
    round de web frum werk ;) we due knot haza PC at home; we due haz de eye pad but
    limited use time and de weekendz we iz off line on purpoze N it will stay that
    way... ya gotta go with yur gutz we say ☺☺♥♥

    N bear we hope ta cod yur doin 10000000000000
    purrcent better %%%% =^..^=

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. There never seems to be enough hours in the day!

      Delete
  17. I agree with everyone who said it's your blog so you do what you want...but........for me...because I have a super short attention span with OLD eyes (the type is small), I like them a bit shorter...we have A LOT of extended family issues going on right now that will be continuing for quite some time, and I just don't have the time to blog much myself, let alone read blogs. But.......ultimately you have your OWN creative process and have to do what works for you!!!

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    Replies
    1. Good points - I will keep them in mind. I hope the extended family issues work themselves out peacefully and with little stress. Of course, the world doesn't work that way - but it's a nice thought!

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  18. Cats and taxes do not mix is the moral if the story! I definitely enjoy your pictures. I think they look great, but also, I don’t care about picture quality when looking at social media. I’m on Blogger less and less and haven’t done a post on my blog in about s month. I just don’t know if it’s the right medium for me anymore. I’m not looking to sell things or earn awards or do reviews, so I feel that something like FB may be better for what I do, which is more just sharing photos and a small snippet of life. Anyway, sorry for the tangent. I always enjoy your stories!

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    Replies
    1. No apologies! I see what you're saying. I thought about quitting blogging entirely ... and I still might.

      Delete
  19. Ugh, taxes! As many have said, this is your blog, so you should do whatever you feel works for you. As you know, my blog has definitely morphed over the years - and it's morphed in a way that will keep me motivated. You should do whatever will keep you blogging, no matter the format. You could always change it up and see how you feel in a couple of months.

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    Replies
    1. Great idea! I'm feeling burned out a bit too - so I like the idea of motivating myself through the format.

      Delete
  20. Oh no! Bear was sick? We didn't know. :( Purrs and kisses to you, Bear. Our blog has changed over the years, and you need to do what inspires you.

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    Replies
    1. Pancreatitis. Things are looking up right now - but we're far from being in the clear.

      Delete
  21. In Bear's defense, he was sick-although he probably did enjoy ruining your stuff. :)

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  22. We're sendin' purrayers fur you Bear. It's not fun bein' sick Ellie. And trust me, hurlin' all over the place all the time isn't any fun either. We do hope things get better soon. As fur your postin' question...We asked a similar question when we got started and again a couple years back. The thing is, there are peeps who will read your bloggy no matter how long or short or what furmat you use. And then there are those who skim it and only show up occassionally. At the end of the day, you should write fur yourself, and ifin you do and are happy with it, others will come and read it too. Big hugs

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

    ReplyDelete

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