Friday, March 22, 2019

Bear's cat rapping show hits the road, part 2

In our last post, Bear's cat rapping show hits the road, Bear's not feeling well and Momma decides to take him to the vet. While at the vet, Bear puts on a first class show for the veterinarian and vet tech. They aren't sure about an encore from the crapper (cat rapper) - but Bear won't be denied. The post ended with Momma leaving Bear at the vet's office for an hour - for what Bear thought was a private show - but what ended up being blood tests and an x-ray. In this post, we find out what's wrong fantastic about Bear and what Momma needs to do about it.

BC: Bear Cat Kat
MK: Momma Kat
EM: Ellie Mae Kat
Vet tech/Veterinarian
The Boy: Momma's fiance

BC: HELP! Call the police! HELP! Call a lawyer! HELP! I'm going to tell my Momma what you did! I'm about to be dog snax! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP! 
MK: {running through the front door after hearing Bear from outside} Has he been doing that for the last hour?
Vet tech: No. It started with him meowing about crapping ... so we put him in a litter box ... that's now all over the floor ...
BC: HELP! HELP! The aliens got me! If you stick me again with that needle, I'm going to shove it so far up your business that it'll never be found!
Vet tech: Then he started talking about "Tees" and pulled out a baseball cap.
BC: This is the LAST TIME I give you all a FREE private show! The ...
MK: Bear?
BC: Momma? They beamed you up too?
MK: Umm ...
BC: What would they want YOU for? I don't feel so special if they're letting the peasants in here now.
MK: Great. I heard you've been ... interesting.
BC: WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP LOOKING AT ME AND SAYING "INTERESTING?"
MK: {sigh}.
BC: They said they wanted a private crap show! They kept me here under false pretenses! And by the way, it's 'Ties! As in TORTIES. Not tees! Like the shirt! Moron!

MK: Bear, the vet never said anything about a private show ... but he did mention blood tests and an x-ray.
BC: HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT'S NOT A EUPHEMISM?! I thought they wanted a private show! 
MK: Oh, Bear.
BC: Phht. BLOOD TEST. I gave THEM a blood test! Hahaha. THEIRS. They donated more blood than I did.
MK: I know how that goes.
BC: Then they put me in solitary!
MK: Were you antagonizing the dogs again from the safety of inside your carrier?
BC: Err ... no?
{Pause}
BC: THEY STARTED IT!
MK: What did they do to you?
BC: ARE YOU PAYING ATTENTION? They tested my blood and ...
MK: NO! What did the dogs do to you?
BC: They're here! And they tried to drown out my crap.
MK: {snickering} And here I thought they ate it.
BC: WHAT?!
MK: Crap ... dogs eat ... 
{Pause}
MK: Never mind.
BC: Do I get out early for good behavior?
Vet tech: Take him! PLEASE?!?
BC: YEAH! Take me home!

MK: Don't we have to talk to the vet first?
{A person with two cats walks in}
BC: RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNN! They'll kill you! And they'll make it painful! Save yourself while you still can! HELP! HELP! Pussies united! 
Vet tech: HUH?
MK: He means PUSSY CATS united.
Vet tech: I'll put you two in an exam room until the veterinarian is ready to talk to you.
BC: {whispering} PSST! Momma! Now's our chance! Let's make a run for it!
MK: Bear, I need to talk to the vet!
BC: FINE! Shove me back in the carrier and make a run for it!
Vet: {walking into the room} It's not bad news.
BC: RATS!
Vet: You wanted bad news?
BC: NO! I wanted to get out of here!
Vet: In just a minute ...
BC: THAT'S WHAT YOU SAID AN HOUR AGO!
Vet: Interesting.
BC: INTERESTING? Why does everyone keep saying that? I mean, I could understand if you were talking about my stupid sister - that'd be a nice way of saying she's a ...
{Pause}
BC: WAIT A MINUTE! That's a nice way of saying that I'm ...

MK: So what did you find?
BC: Some lint ... a mousie ...
MK: NO! Not you! The vet!
BC: I don't have to find the vet. He's right here! I told him to go to hell ... but just like all humans, he doesn't listen.
Vet: Interesting.
BC: Stop saying that or I'll ensure hell's where you end up.
MK: BEAR!
Vet: The x-ray was clear and the blood tests were normal - except for the pancreas screen. He has pancreatitis. 
BC: THAT'S NOT A NICE THING TO CALL MY MOMMA!
MK: Oh.
Vet: It's okay. It's not bad news - relax. He'll be fine. We'll give him a shot of Covenia as an antibiotic and Cerenia for the nausea - those should last two weeks.
MK: Okay.
Vet: You look like your puppy was run over.
BC: PUPPY?! Momma has a puppy?! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? And where are you hiding him? I thought The Boy was bad! You've never heard, "Who let the dogs in. WHO? WHO? WHO?"
Vet: Inter ... err ... I suggest we try to manage Bear's pancreatitis with diet changes. We have XXX food here that should be easier for him to digest. 
BC: I'm onto you, vet! This is DIET food! You're tricking me again! I won't go for it! No way. No how. NOT eating this food. Especially not after the crack about me not missing any meals.

MK: Err ... my cats have tried that ... and they wouldn't eat it.
Vet: You can always return it if they won't eat it.
MK: And this diet change will be enough to fix the problem?
BC: PHHT. Some things can't be fixed. Like The Boy. Or my sister ...
MK: And you're sure this will work? What do I need to look for in terms of him needing vet care? What might I look for to take him to the emergency vet?
BC: WHAT?!? There's a vet that's a vet only in emergencies? What is he the rest of the time? And why would you take me to a vet that's only a vet in emerg ...
{Pause}
BC: ARE YOU A REAL VET?
Vet: Yes!
BC: Are you sure?
Vet: YES!!
BC: Where did you go to vet school? When did you graduate? How do I know you're qualified?
Vet: Interesting.
MK: Thank you. I'll take him home now.
BC: The Boy and my stupid sister say that my Momma's an enabler. Phht. I dare a person to NOT enable me! Still, I don't know what she enables because all I hear is a bunch of NO! And I'm grounded for the rest of my nine lives. How's that fair?
Vet: {under his breath} Finally. Peace and quiet again.
BC: WHAT DID YOU SAY?
Vet: Nothing!
{Pause}
Vet: {as he walks away} Interesting.
Vet tech: That will be $XXX.XX. 
BC: WHAT?!? I could buy a tasty whole chicken farm with that money! Or a tank! Or BOTH! This is highway robbery! Well, without the highway.

MK: SHHHH! You had two shots, several blood tests, and an x-ray.
BC: IF YOU HAVE THAT KIND OF MONEY, WHY DON'T I HAVE A FERRARI? 
MK: You saved my life. You're worth it.
BC: Oh. I get it! I'm worth blood tests and an x-ray - but a tank is too much? And you leave me here? With these vampires?! If I lost my soul, it's all your fault!
{Momma and Bear continue to discuss this on the car ride home}
{As Momma walks in, The Boy is on the phone. She lets Bear out and then goes back to the car to carry in the rest of the goods}
The Boy: {running out the front door to find Momma} Oh, my gosh! Where's Bear? He's not in the carrier! Did they keep him overnight? What's wrong? He's not ... GONE is he?
BC: {sitting around the corner} This is the perfect opportunity ... they're both outside ... without keys ...
{Pause}
BC: Nah. I'd be stuck with Smellie. That's a whole new kind of torture.
EM: What's going on? I heard my name! And why do you smell like ... like ... the vet?

MK: {coming back inside} I set him down when I came in and opened the carrier.
The Boy: Oh. So he's here?
BC: I could say it's good to see you ... but I'm not so I won't. Dumb-nuts.
The Boy: Hi, BuddyBear.
BC: Go away.
MK: BEAR!
The Boy: So what's going on?
MK: Bear has pancreatitis.
EM: Pan-cre-a-teen-us? Pank-rea-titties?
BC: PANCREATITIS!
EM: {GASP} Is it contagious?
BC: You mean like the WORMS you gave me?
EM: You never had worms!
BC: Close enough.
EM: I'm pretty sure you either have worms or you don't.
MK: Don't worry, Ellie. It's not contagious.
BC: RATS!
MK: BEAR! That's not very nice! You wouldn't want your sister to be sick too, would you?
BC: I don't want a sister. PERIOD.
The Boy: So how do we treat it?
BC: WE don't do anything.
MK: We got new food.
EM: Is it diet? Because it's just like a Momma to trick us.

BC: HA! I told you!
MK: It's not diet food!
EM: It says "Diet" right here on the package!
BC: {GASP} You lied!
MK: NO! That's part of the brand name.
BC: Why would anyone name their brand "diet?"
EM: It'd be like calling a brand idiot.
BC: I just call her Smellie.
EM: Oh, shut up!
BC: You shut up! I just had the most harrowing and demeaning experience of my life! I deserve some sympathy. Momma left me at the vet's for an hour!
EM: Let me guess ... until they called Momma and begged her to come back to get you?
BC: WHAT?! NO! If anyone should've been worried, it's them! That carrier wouldn't protect them.
EM: You annoyed them until they kicked you out?
BC: NO!
{Pause}
BC: YES! I'm just that much of a bad-@$$. You have to be pretty bad-@$$ to be kicked out of prison. OH! A new song idea about my time in the slammer! Bye. Hold my calls. I'm busy.
EM: I'M NOT YOUR SECRETARY!
BC: Well, you should be good for something!
EM: {under her breath} Yeah. To kick your dumb @$$ ...

© 2019 Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat - Published by K. Kern. 
All text, pictures, images, and other content are original and copyright by Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat [K. Kern]. No part of my post may be used without my written permission. If you see this post posted on a site that isn't Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat, please contact mommakatandherbearcat@gmail.com.


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43 comments:

  1. I hope that shot gets you all better Bear. My specialty Vet says the only ones who like that "specialty" food is the Vets who make money from it.

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  2. Sounds like your vet visit was more of a nightmare for them than you, Bear.
    Anything that has diet in the name doesn't sound good, but if you want to feel better you have to be a big tough mancat and eat it.

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    1. YUK! Smellie can have it. She'll eat anything ;) ~Bear Cat

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  3. I hope you're feeling better soon. You need to take your crapper show on the road. You don't want to keep your fans waiting too long.

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  4. AMARULA: PANCREATITIS!??? What the heck is that? Have you been wearing your jeans too tight again Bear!! You better stay healthy you rapping genius you!! Us torties need you alive and well mon amour!

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    1. My stripeyp-ants might be too small? Did Smellie put you up to that? Of course not. You have better taste - me! ~Bear Cat

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  5. We didn't even know cats could get pancreatitis too, we had only heard of it in dogs. We hope that Bear will eat the food and that he gets better soon! ♥

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    1. I'm afraid it's much more common than most people think!

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  6. Ouch Bear! I hope this treatment works well for you.

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    1. Us too! I don't want to have to go back to the vet! ~Bear Cat

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  7. We’re sorry Bear isn’t feeling well. The mom says if you want, you could reach out to her for advice about treating the pancreatitis. She has lots of experience with it since Wally had it.

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    1. We've seen her comments in the Cats with pancreatitis group. Momma's slowly starting to think about asking advice now that she's finally processed the diagnosis (don't ask me what takes so long!) ~Bear Cat

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  8. So sorry you're not feeling well, Bear. We hope this new diet works soon.

    Purrs xx
    Athena and Marie

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  9. Sure hope the food improves your health, Bear. Feel better soon.

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  10. Yes, The Island Cats's mom knows a lot about pancreatitis! Bear, we want you to eat, so I hope the shots helped.

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  11. I want to be Bear's roadie and I want a hat just like his
    hugs Cecilia

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  12. I'm sorry about Bear not feeling well and having pancreatitis. I sure hope he eats very soon and the shots help and make this a thing of the past. That sure was a doozy of a vet visit!

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    Replies
    1. If I have to take him back ... no one will forgive me!

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  13. Oh no, I hope the shots are helping Bear to feel better. And I agree, who puts the word "diet" in the name of their food. Sheesh!

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  14. Well, we hope that special food helps you get better, Bear. Because no kitty wants to have to go back to the Vet!

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  15. We're sorry to hear you have pancreatitis, Bear ! We cross our paws and hope the drugs and that special food help you get better ! Purrs

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  16. We hope you feel better soon, BearCat💗Healing Pawkisses are on the way💗💗💗

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  17. Bear, I hope thinking about me made you feel better while you were at the vet! I sure hope you're back to feeling 100% quickly. Your wonderful mama is going to take excellent care of you! --Mudpie

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  18. Sorry I am so late visiting. I hope you are feeling better now. XO

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  19. Ugh poor Bear, that isn't fun to have. I didn't catch the brand of food, hoping it isn't Hills (aka Science Diet), if so........run for the hills and don't use it!

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  20. Tee hee hee. Wowy, it is hard to pick just one fav photo here, 'cause they're all fun. But if I had to pick one, it would be "I'm making biscuits" photo featuring Ellie and Bear together. I make biscuits occasionally, but I'm much more of a purr-er. Winks.

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    1. I have to remember it could be worse ... I could have a doggy sister! UGH! ~Bear Cat

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  21. Uh oh, my previous comment should've gone with your April 26 post, but Mom screwed up. (She can be such a ditz sometimes.) Anyway, thank the heavens that you survived the alien experiments. I have been worried about you and wondering if I should call in rebel forces to attack their mother ship and come to your rescue. Tee hee hee.

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