Friday, April 26, 2019

The indignities of the Momma Kat Household

If you missed the last two posts about our plumbing calamity, you may read about them here: Crazy 'R Us! and The secret in Momma's closet. Our bathtub faucet is finally fixed - though that fact is overlooked when Bear tells The Boy that Momma had another boy over! And the cats are appreciating their long awaited peace - by complaining about Momma and disturbing the peace as only cats do.

BC: Bear Cat Kat 
EM: Ellie Mae Kat 
MK: Momma Kat 
The Boy: Momma's fiance 

BC: So, anyway ... You would not believe the indignity of what Momma did to me last week! So there I was enjoying the peace and quiet with a good nap while Momma went grocery shopping and you picked your nose.
EM: I don't pick my nose! Well, not in front of people or cats. How did you know?
BC: GROSS! I didn't actually think you did! I was just trying to be funny.
EM: What's funny about picking your nose?

BC: Never mind. Anyway. All of a sudden, I hear shrieking and see Momma jumping up and down all excited about something. 
EM: {GASP} Momma saw me picking my nose?!?
BC: NO! I was going back to my story about my nap. As far as I could tell, the house wasn't on fire.
EM: It's like a Momma thing to squeal because we're cute. I don't know why she thinks YOU'RE cute ... 
BC: Oh, shut up! I know this insanity of acting like a five year old because I'm so adorable ... and knew the camera couldn't be far behind. 
EM: Someone was taking a picture of Momma's behind?
BC: Don't be ridiculous! To fit Momma's behind all in one shot, we'd have to take a picture from the moon.
EM: That's not very nice. But if the pants fit ...
BC: Then ... THEN!!!! Momma cut my ear off in the picture. Thank goodness she doesn't have any weapons ... her aim SUCKS! I at least had the presence of mind to stick my tongue out at her in the pictures! 

EM: That's not very nice.
BC: Or wait ... maybe my tongue was already sticking out and that's what she was making the big deal about ... I shouldn't speculate because I don't understand that woman at all! You know my Momma ... that woman makes a big deal out of nothing. 
EM: She's MY Momma too!
BC: Only on days that end with "x."
EM: "X?" Is that like at the end of the day when she takes her pants off to go to bed?
BC: STOP interrupting! NO! She's your Momma on days whose name ends in "x."
EM: Well, that seems fair.
BC: Thursday doesn't end in "x" so she's not your Momma today.
EM: Awww. What's tomorrow?
BC: Friday.
EM: Does that end in "x?"
BC: No.
EM: Awww ... I really need a lap! And some ear rubs. And some adoring squeals about how adorable and beautiful I am. I guess there's always Daddy ...
{Pause}
EM: How soon is a day whose name ends in "x?"

BC: I thought I told you to stop interrupting! I'm not going to tell you the rest of the story if you keep interrupting.
EM: Okay. I don't really want to listen anyway. It's time for my 4:43 snack and 4:46 nap.
BC: It's 4:34!
EM: I know. I don't like to be late. It throws my whole schedule off.
BC: Sit down and listen to the rest of the story!
EM: But you said ...
BC: I KNOW WHAT I SAID. Now sit down and shut up!

EM: Well, that's not very ... {seeing Bear's grumpy face} ... Go on.
BC: So Momma took a ton of pictures - but when she checked out her shoddy photography skills, she came back and disturbed me A SECOND TIME, begging me to stick my tongue out again like I'm some dolt of a dog.  I swear. That woman would miss the broad side of a barn with a camera. Wait. She would miss YOUR butt too! Hahaha.
EM: Like you have any room to talk about aim. You barf on my scratchers!
BC: Exactly.
EM: You hit them ON PURPOSE?
BC: We really should find someone to take Momma! I mean, she's housebroken [mostly] and chews slippers ... But I'd give her - for free - to a good ... err ... any home! Oh, and take Momma and you get a bonus black cat with low mileage and a double-bonus boy! No refunds.

EM: What black cat are you talking about?
BC: You wouldn't know her.
EM: The boy in your offer ... that's not Daddy is it? Because I like Daddy.
BC: Don't worry. I'd never separate you two.
EM: Yay. And they say you're not nice!
BC: THEY? They WHO?
EM: Like everyone! Can you believe what happened last night? Since the water was running in the bathtub and there was no way to turn it off or adjust the temperature, Momma used the kitchen sink to clean. Water was flying EVERYWHERE!
BC: Good thing I stayed away!
EM: I know, she was dumping water on herself! What's wrong with her? Talk about undignified.
MK: {walking into the room} You two have been in here chatting for hours!
{Silence}
BC: We're comparing notes.
EM: And Bear's complaining ...

MK: At least you're getting along.
BC: If Smellie would shut up ...
EM: If you weren't a jerk ...
MK: I'll just leave you to it ...
BC: FINALLY!
EM: Did you see what happened yesterday? I kept jumping up on Momma's desk for her to pet me and she kept setting me on the floor! Why do humans play hard to get? She was screeching about work but why would she want to work when I'm around?

BC: I guess I have you to thank for deleting Momma's post.
EM: I didn't actually delete it! There's an undo button in Blogger so Momma could get it back. You'd think a keyboard would have a big red key that says, "DANGER! Delete!" How was I supposed to know? I just stood on her keyboard so she couldn't ignore me!

BC: You should step on her "delete" button more often.
EM: But then she'll have even less time to love on me!
The Boy: I'm home!
EM: Huh. He wasn't kidding. He IS gone all day! I had a busy day of cuddling with my Momma ...
BC: {AHEM}.
EM: Err ... Bear's Momma. But I made sure to check a few times that you weren't here! You ARE gone during the day!
The Boy: Thank you for noticing!
EM: Guess what! I found another box. I'm an artiste! There's a box under the sink in the bathroom and I taught it a lesson like my other box! It isn't nearly as fun as chewing the other box though. 

BC: That's because you just ripped the tape off and didn't do anything to the box.
EM: YEAH, I did! Err ... wait ... that explains why it wasn't nearly as satisfying ...
BC: Smellie picks her nose!
EM: SHHHHHHHH! I wasn't done telling Daddy about my day!
BC: She picked her nose.
EM: You don't want me to spill your secrets, do you?
BC: Momma had another boy here!

The Boy: What?
EM: BEAR!
BC: Oh, shut it. You just liked him because he threw your sparkle balls for you to chase. Like a dog!
MK: I seem to remember a certain boy-cat playing fetch awhile ago.
EM: REALLY? Who?
The Boy: What's been going on around here today?
BC: Is it my imagination or is she getting stupider?

EM: Is it my imagination or are you getting jerkier?
BC: That's not even a word!
EM: MORE JERKY equals jerkier!
The Boy: What's been going on around here today?
EM: Well, if you didn't abandon us all day ...
The Boy: I HAVE A JOB! What boy?!?
BC: He and Momma took a shower together.
The Boy: Excuse me?
MK: That's not what happened! He's talking about the plumber who fixed the bathtub faucet so it doesn't run constantly.
BC: Throw some water around ... VOILA! A shower!
EM: So undignified!
The Boy: I kind of thought it seemed quiet around here!
EM: Like Bear's EVER quiet!
BC: Because you have room to talk, Smellie!
EM: Oh, shut up!
BC: You shut up!
The Boy: I spoke too soon.

© 2019 Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat - Published by K. Kern.
All text, pictures, images, and other content are original and copyright by Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat [K. Kern]. No part of my post may be used without my written permission. If you see this post posted on a site that isn't Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat, please contact mommakatandherbearcat@gmail.com.

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34 comments:

  1. Thank goodness the leaky tap was fixed. Now you guys can hear yourself have constructive active discussions. On the other hand, it means you get to hear all those little background sounds......like your staff working, or the sound of the Boy not being there.
    Maybe you need a tape recording to play of your favourite sounds?
    Purrs
    ERin

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The tap wasn't leaky ... but stuck on full steam ahead! It made ME nervous ... and the cats!

      Delete
  2. I sure am glad that faucet got fixed, water spraying everywhere is never a good thing!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Bear, Woodrow sticks his tongue out a lot and it's so cute! I can see why your momma wanted to capture that moment perfectly.

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    Replies
    1. He used to stick his tongue out like that when he slept years ago. I haven't seen it for over ten years! But it was worth the wait!

      Delete
  4. BC, you do have a unique storytelling style.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You mean I don't chatter on inanely like my stupid sister? ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  5. Bear...whew. Jimmy gee. Ellie Mae...maybe you'd better come on thru over here again.

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    Replies
    1. Maybe I can move in? I can bring catnip and a scratcher or two! ~Ellie Mae

      Delete
    2. Ellie, in the interests of full disclosure,I am known to hork on my scratchers occasionally. Preferably when mom has spent 15 $ on a wide one. (I'm not sure why she chooses wide...I think I need to show displeasure! BUT it does give me room to wallow on it).

      Delete
  6. Hey, we’ve got a leaky faucet too. Do you think you could come over here and fix it??

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The tap wasn't leaky ... but stuck on full steam ahead! It made ME nervous ... and the cats! I don't think you want me to try to fix it. I got the fixture apart ... but it was all Greek to me after that!

      Delete
  7. Well, glad the faucet got fixed. That is a plus. You all have a terrific weekend.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! We waited too long to get it taken care of!

      Delete
  8. Whoa! Another boy! Do tell more. I love scandals. We could put out a newspaper or something.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Isn't it still a bit cool for sandals? ~Ellie Mae
      {SCANDALS you moron!} ~Bear Cat
      I stand corrected. ~Ellie Mae

      Delete
  9. We're glad your faucet got fixed finally ! Purrs

    ReplyDelete
  10. Other boy or not, we sure are glad that leak got fixed! Throwing water around the kitchen .., that would kinda be our limit, too. :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. A leaky faucet is worse than squabbling siblings. Glad you got it fixed. Now about those squabbles...😇LOL

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  12. Bwa! Haa!! Haaa!!! My Mom just read about your Mom's calamity and I gotta tell you...she was laughing so hard that her coffee came out her nose! I LOVE it when that happens!!!
    Sorry about the calamity though.
    Purrs
    Marv
    PS Ellie, if you step on the delete key 2 times - your human can't get the stuff back!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Don't give her any ideas!!!! We're glad to bring so much joy to your day :)

      Delete
  13. You girls are so worth dropping by to overhear!!! Oh and Bear too.

    I'm glad the shower was fixed (what must the boy have thought!)

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  14. Ellie, I love you, but you need to get over the Bear barfing on your scratcher already :) Glad your shower is fixed. And I am sure your momma's butt is not big.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If you met Momma, you might revise that ;) ~Bear Cat
      But ... but ... it just makes me so MAD! I put up with a lot from Bear! ~Ellie Mae

      Delete
  15. You two always make us laugh.

    Glad your shower got fixed.

    Purrs xx
    Athena and Marie

    ReplyDelete