Friday, April 19, 2019

Crazy 'R Us!

There's a household emergency ... and surprisingly, the emergency is not the broken bathtub faucet that can't be turned off - though that's an emergency of an entirely different nature. Momma's losing her sanity! Where do you think she lost it? And can you guess the cause?! You can be sure the cats don't mind hastening Momma's breakdown! ! Please note: No cats were hurt, scared or got wet to inspire this post; that part is entirely fiction.

BC: Bear Cat Kat
MK: Momma Kat
EM: Ellie Mae Kat

BC: Momma's in the shower!
EM: Weird. It seems so barbaric to stand under a whoosh of water.
BC: She chose you. And The Boy. So her taste is somewhat questionable. I mean, if I were human, I'd only eat Cheez-its and brownies - but she loves ... PHHT ... VEGETABLES. 
{Pause}
BC: And she gives us a hard time for licking our butts - like that indicates some shortcoming in taste!
EM: She doesn't give me a hard time about licking my ...
BC: Yeah. I guess she just expects it of you.
EM: Now wait a minute ... she gives you a hard time about licking MY butt.
BC: So what game should we play?
EM: Play? {Looking around} With ME?
BC: DUH. Who else do I play with?
EM: I didn't know you played with me.
BC: Dodge sparkle ball? Wrestling? Tag?
EM: Pole dancing?
BC: You and your scratchers.
EM: Daddy says it's not pole dancing to use a scratching post. And he should know ...

BC: Know what? He doesn't even know which end is his butt!
EM: About what qualifies as pole dancing!
BC: And he also said it's not your fault ...
EM: And something about blessing my heart. Does that mean I'm sick? Or am I going to die? Why else would he bless my heart?
BC: Hmm ... Want to play chicken with the blinds? Hide the mousie?
EM: I'm not falling for that one again! Besides, the mousie won't fit up there.
BC: I'd love to try again ...
EM: Dream on.
BC: We better be quick. Momma will be out of the shower soon!
EM: I just want to play with my sparkle balls. I like my sparkle balls. And they are fun to play with - at least until they get stuck under the furniture. But you can't play with my sparkle balls. As Momma said, you couldn't hang on to your own balls, so you shouldn't be trusted with anyone else's.

BC: It's not like I misplaced them! I'd be a totally different boy if I had my balls.
EM: And yet ... you'd still be a jerk.
BC: You be the look out this time!
EM: Look out? Like the window?
BC: NO! Watch for Momma coming!
EM: Why?
BC: SO WE CAN MISBEHAVE!
MK: Oh?
BC: RATS! SMELLIE! You should've told me she was coming up behind me. You're fired!
EM: Awww. And I was just starting to love our relationship. It wasn't my fault! I didn't want to interrupt you! That'd be rude.
BC: Why's the water still on? Did you forget to turn it off? Because you seem to be forgetting a lot lately. Like the other night when you put the clothes in the dryer and then forgot to turn it on? Or last night when you put the pot on the stove and you forgot to turn on the burner?

MK: I guess you should be happy I haven't forgotten to feed you.
EM: {GASP} That's not even funny to joke about!
BC: See? You already forgot the water's on!
MK: The faucet broke. I can't turn it off.
BC: Usually you have no problem turning things off.
MK: Don't worry. I won't forget you said that.
BC: Daddy says ... err ... I mean SMELLIE'S Daddy says that women never forget anything a guy says.
EM: I'm not going to get wet, am I? Because I really hate getting wet.
MK: No. The water should stay in the tub.
EM: I'm not going anywhere near that tub!
BC: Don't you want to see?
EM: Last time you asked me that about watching the toilet flush, you pushed me in!
BC: RATS! I'm running out of tricks.

EM: Maybe I'm just getting smarter-er so I don't fall for them!
{Silence}
{Bear chuckles}
EM: Oh, SHUT YOUR TRAP!
BC: There might be tuna in there.
EM: TUNAS? Really?!?
MK: {sigh} Bear!
BC: What? Smellie could use a bath. 
EM: I hate baths! But one with tunas ... 
BC: SEE?!
MK: But there aren't any tunas!
EM: Oh, fine. I see how it is. You keep the tasty whole chickens away from Bear and you deprive me of your stock of tasty tuna!
BC: It's not really a STOCK ...
EM: YOU'VE MET THE TUNAS?

BC: Well, I don't like to brag ... but Mary, Carrie and I go WAY back.
EM: THAT'S IT! Momma's hiding the tunas in water because she knows I won't go near water ... I'm going to be brave and march into the bathroom and seize my tunas!
BC: Nope. Still got it.
EM: Still got what? Tunas?
BC: Make sure you get on the very edge of the tub!
MK: BEAR!
EM: HMPH! Don't get mad at Bear for telling me about the tunas! He's a GOOD brother!
MK: Oh, brother.
EM: EXACTLY!
MK: The longer you're here, the more Bear rubs off on you!
EM: We're cats! That's what we do! Rub our scent off on stuff!
MK: No. I wasn't referring to scenting ... oh, never mind. You might just want to think about what Bear says.
EM: DUH! I'm going to go get my tunas!
MK: Ellie, how many times does Bear tell you the truth?
EM: Well, he said I make a good idiot the other day ...

{Bear chuckles}
EM: But that's not true!
MK: Uh huh.
BC: Yeah. You make a BAD idiot. Hahahahaha.
MK: BEAR!
EM: Thank you, Bear! That's the nicest ...
{Bear chuckles}
EM: Wait a minute ...
BC: You better run and grab those tunas before they're all gone!
EM: OH! RIGHT! Good idea! I better get on that!
{Momma sighs}
EM: You're so unfair to Bear! He's a good brother!
MK: Uh huh. Where have I heard THAT before?
EM: I'm going in! Past this curtain ... {climbing on the edge of the bathtub} this is kind of slippery!
{Pause}
EM: Well, wait a minute ... all I see is white! I'm dead! Death by tuna! I see the light! I see the light! I knew water was going to be the end of me!

BC: That's the second shower curtain, you idiot! You have to look around it!
EM: So I'm not dead?
BC: Not yet. Hehehehehe.
EM: Oh! Now I see the water! But there aren't any tunas!

BC: Look closer!
EM: Wait a minute ... that's what you said last time when you pushed me ...
{Pause as Bear whaps Ellie on her butt}
BC: {running off the rim of the tub} BYE!
EM: Uh oh! I can't quite hold on .. oop ... {splash}.

{Pause}
EM: I'M WET! I'M WET! BEAR PUSHED ME IN THE WATER!
BC: Again.
EM: HELP! HELP! I need the lifeguard! Call 911! I can't swim! I can't ... 
MK: Put your feet down!
EM: Oh, wait. There's not enough water to sink into.
BC: It's just too easy ...
EM: {looking like a mad wet hen} BEAR! I've had enough of your games!
BC: What are you talking about?
EM: You pushed me in the water!
BC: NO! I was trying to show you where the tuna are!
EM: There WAS tuna in there?
BC: Of course! Have I ever lied to you?

{Momma coughs}
EM: OH! I'll go back and look again!
MK: THAT'S IT! NO CAT IS GOING NEAR THE WATER! NO CAT IS GOING IN THE WATER! NO CAT IS PUSHING OR BEING PUSHED! NO CATS IN THE BATHROOM! 
EM: But ... what if you're sitting in the bathroom and I need pets? You know I like to rub up against you and jump on your lap while I have a captive audience!
MK: You are both grounded from the bathroom!
EM: COOL! I'm finally grounded! I have street cred! Ha! I'm a bad-@$$ just like my brother! That's right ... who wants to be right when you can be so wrong!
{Pause as Ellie thinks}
EM: But what about the tunas?
MK: THERE AREN'T ANY TUNAS!
EM: But ... you mean there aren't any tunas like there aren't tasty whole chickens behind closed doors? I get your drift. Wink. Wink.
MK: NO! THERE REALLY AREN'T ANY TUNAS!
EM: You say that to Bear too!
BC: No. She lied and said there weren't any tasty whole chickens behind the closed door. She didn't say anything about stupid tuna.
EM: Tunas aren't stupid! Tasty whole chickens are stupid! Brothers are stupid! Mommas depriving SWEET LITTLE KITTY CATS of tunas is stupid!
MK: ARG! BECAUSE BOTH OF THOSE THINGS ARE TRUE! THERE AREN'T ANY TASTY WHOLE CHICKENS AND THERE AREN'T ANY TUNA! NO ONE'S BEING DEPRIVED OF ANYTHING ... EXCEPT ME! I'm being robbed of my sanity! I need a drink! Or ten! I need a massage. I need some peace and quiet! I ... I ...
EM: Sheesh. What's HER problem?
BC: She's a woman. Like I have any idea. You see The Boy trying to figure her out all the time.
EM: It's useless.
BC: Well, he's a bit ... special as it is.
EM: I'm special!
BC: Yes. Yes, you are.
EM: Wait a ...

© 2019 Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat - Published by K. Kern.
All text, pictures, images, and other content are original and copyright by Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat [K. Kern]. No part of my post may be used without my written permission. If you see this post posted on a site that isn't Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat, please contact mommakatandherbearcat@gmail.com.

44 comments:

  1. Oh no, not real wet water, yikes! I hope you both have a dry weekend!!!

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  2. YIKES...we don't like getting our furs WET! We wonder where the tunas went?

    The Florida Furkids

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  3. Wet furs? That is worthy of MK stepping up to admonish whomever caused that to happen. Right? Right? Ellie?

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    Replies
    1. Hmph. I think it's only fair that Bear get a bath! ~Ellie Mae

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  4. Ellie, stick to your sparkle ball toys, and you'll stay out of trouble! Actually, you need to learn how to throw your sparkle balls AT Bear...that way, you are happy and you are making him made, so it's a win-win situation!

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    Replies
    1. Whose side are you on, anyway?!? Don't give her ideas! ~Bear Cat

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  5. Your poor momma and her sanity! Sounds like someone needs a vacation (and no, it's not you, Bear).

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    Replies
    1. Why would Momma need a vacation from us? We make her life wonderful! ~Bear Cat

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  6. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh no not wet furs. Angel Madi was evidently missing the do not like water gene.
    She loved walking in the shower after the water was turned off, she loved nearly standing on her head in the sink to get a sip and she loved dropping toys in her water bowl then slapping at them.
    Happy Weekend Hugs Cecilia

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bear used to drop all kinds of stuff in his water bowl and then make a mess trying to get them out. He also stood out in the pouring rain just to dare me to come get him :) He's okay with water when it suits his purposes!

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  7. AMARULA: Bear you are a genius! I wonder if I could get Frodo and Zulu to "fish" for tuna in the toilet or bathtub!!?

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    Replies
    1. Hehehehehehe. We bet Frodo would fall for it! ~Bear Cat

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  8. Bear, if you still had *those*...us torties sure would be in trouble! MOL --Mudpie

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  9. I hope you get that fixed soon. And Ellie, sweet Ellie, never believe your brofur.

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    Replies
    1. We finally did get it fixed when our land-lady felt like it!

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  10. Oh no! We hope you guys got dried off quickly! We don't like wet furs!

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    Replies
    1. Blech! I HATE water! Well, except for the water in my bowl ... ~Ellie Mae

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  11. HAH! What a doofus! Played right into your paws or should I say right into the water.

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  12. Ellie, I thought for sure somehow Bear would end up wet too. You're such a sweetheart. You always want to believe in your brother.

    By the way, it seems that Bear is doing better. I sure hope so. I really hope he's eating and not throwing up and feeling well.

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    Replies
    1. He's doing well for the most part. I felt a whole lot better a week ago when he finished his wet food treat and then started eating Ellie's. But it's still going to be up and down - at least for a little while.

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  13. Water! That is so mean even if it is just a little. Have a wonderful Easter- I hope you get a tasty whole chicken. XO

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    Replies
    1. I'm starting to wonder about bunnies ... they sound tasty too. ~Bear Cat

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  14. Some cats really do like water! When Sam was younger she used to love to climb into the sink or tub and drink right out of the faucet. I always wondered if she'd swim if given the chance!

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    Replies
    1. Bear used to play in his water bowl. And he used to get out in the pouring rain and dare me to come get him. He just wants it on his own terms!

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  15. You guys need to be nicer to your mama. Trust us, insane mamas are not fun.
    Your fur-iends,
    Sam & Elsa 🐾

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  16. Wet fur, yuck ! We hope you dried fast ! Purrs

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  17. Eeek! Wet fur!!! Um..............we already knew that there was "cray-cray" going on there...........MOL!

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  18. Sparkle balls and boy cats...giggle.
    Hope your plumbing problem was resolved!
    xxoo

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  19. Bw! Haa!! Haaa!!! You sure made my Mom laugh! (and she really needed it). We have company, Mom brought Dad and Cinnamon back with her. I, Marvelous have been hiding ever since. Dad will be here until the end of the month as he is pretty sore from his fall).
    We had a magnificent Easter though! Ninja and I got freeze Dried Chicken! And the Horrible Beast (Cinnamon) got Duck Jerky (we like that too)
    Happy Easter to you 2 and your Peeps!
    Purrs
    Marv, Ninja and Mom

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    Replies
    1. Sounds like it was mostly a good Easter. If you need a break, you are always welcome here, Marv!

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  20. Wait, you got wet, Ellie? As in for real wet water in the tub wet? And no tuna??? Ugh. We sure hope you got that plumbing stuff taken care of!

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  21. Ellie Mae, I'll give you a tip. You can tell Bear is lying if his lips are moving. ;)

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  22. So ya'll have tunas in your tub? Wonder ifin we'll have any in our new tub when we get back home? Furankly, we'd purrfur some of those chickens, but right now, we're up fur almost anythin'. MOL Ellie, the water's not really all that bad. We like a good shower now and then. Ya' know it makes things innerestin'. Ya' get all wet and the go and roll on the bed or your mommy's clean clothes. Wanna see your mommy turn red? It works every time. MOL Sorry you're losin' it awnty Kat. Mommy says you can join her at the corner of nuts and almost sane. Big hugs

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

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    Replies
    1. The rolling thing is what Bear told me to do! He used to get outside just to prove he could - and would dare Momma to come and get him in the pouring rain. Once she got him back in, he'd roll all over her lap. Sounds fun ... well, minus the water. ~Ellie Mae

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