Friday, March 15, 2019

What's going on around here?

Bear's back to telling his sister lies - but it doesn't exactly go as he planned. And The Boy's in trouble; what did he do this time?

BC: Bear Cat Kat
EM: Ellie Mae Kat 
MK: Momma Kat 
The Boy: Momma's fiance

BC: PSST!
EM: {looking around} Me?
BC: PSST! YOU!
EM: Is this some kind of trick? Are you going to fart on me when I get close to you? Or are you going to whap me?
BC: SHHHHHHHHHHHH! You make me sound mean! I don't remember ...
{Pause}
BC: Oh. Yeah.
EM: You want to share a secret with me?
BC: YES!
EM: Really? We'll share a secret? Like best friends?
BC: That's going a little far. I have a secret. Well, actually, it's not my secret - but I thought you'd like to know.
EM: Daddy's leaving?
BC: He is?
EM: No. I was just wondering if that was the secret.
BC: RATS!
EM: Momma's pregnant?
BC: SHE IS? And she got us fixed so that wouldn't happen to us!
EM: I was broken?

BC: Will you stop talking? I can't tell you the secret if you keep trying to guess it.
EM: Okay.
{Pause}
EM: They're getting us a sister! OH! This is the best day ever! I'll have a best friend and we'll braid each others' fur and talk about boys and have private jokes and make fun of you and she'll take my side when you want to fight ...
BC: What did I JUST say?
EM: I'M GETTING A SISTER!
BC: That's not the secret!
EM: Not YOUR secret. I AM getting a sister though?
BC: Women. Just like Momma, this one never shuts up. NO! You're NOT getting a sister!
EM: Oh. And I was so excited! 
BC: Do you know where Momma and The Boy saved you from?
EM: I'm not falling for this! You already told me they got me from the circus freak show! That was a mean trick!
BC: No. See ...
EM: And you already told me they stole me from a dolphin show. Did you think I'd forget that I'm not a dolphin after that swim in the toilet? I HATE WATER! I'm not believing another thing you say!
BC: Well, you don't exactly make sense as a cat either ... and you are a woman ... making sense doesn't even occur to you. Or at least that's what The Boy says.

EM: He does not!
BC: Ask him!
EM: Oh, shut up!
BC: Really? You don't want to know the secret?
EM: Is it a real secret? Not something you made up?
BC: It's the truth! I've learned the error of my ways.
EM: Okay.
BC: Momma and The Boy rescued you from a Kit Cat factory.
EM: A WHAT?
BC: See, every year, all the reject cats get sent to a factory to make kits of the cats.
EM: It's true! I heard Momma and The Boy talking about Kit Cats! Daddy asked Momma if he could have her Kit Cats! So that's not a you-femism for something else? There really are Kit Cats?
BC: EUPHEMISM. And no. Momma and The Boy saved you at just the last moment! 
EM: That's scary!
BC: The Boy wanted another cat ... one that looked like me ... but you know, Momma's the boss and everything.
EM: Daddy didn't want me? Aww. I wasn't his first choice!
BC: I figured you'd be used to it by now.
EM: WHAT?! That's mean! Just kick a girl while she's down.

BC: Okay.
EM: OWW! What'd you kick me for?
{Pause}
EM: Wait a ... does this mean I'm adopted?
BC: Ummm ... YEAH!
EM: So Momma's not my real Mom and The Boy isn't my real Dad?
BC: You're a smart one.
EM: But I thought I had the family resemblance!
BC: Sorry. But you know what that means, right?
EM: I'M AN ORPHAN!
BC: Oh, yeah. That too.
EM: This is a disaster! I don't know who my real parents are and my entire life has been a lie!
BC: When Momma or The Boy tell you not to do something, you can argue with them and tell them they're not your real parents!
EM: But I don't get in trouble!
BC: It's never too late.
EM: I could never do any of the things you do. 
BC: We could be partners in crime!
EM: Is that like friends?
BC: It means we have fun together. 
EM: Fun? That sounds harmless.
BC: And conspire together ...
EM: Like private jokes?
BC: I dare you! Go whap that glass off the table. I swear! I won't tell on you!

EM: I'm not falling for THAT again! Last time you said that, I knocked the glass over and I got wet! I HATE water! AND you told on me.
BC: I already used that one on you?
EM: I'm a NICE cat.
BC: That would explain how you got in the reject pile on your way to the Kit Cat factory.
EM: I'm going to give Daddy a piece of my mind!
BC: That's all you have left, right? Don't spend it all in one place.
EM: They ... umm ... I'M ADOPTED and they let me think otherwise!
BC: To be honest, you're just too stupid to figure the obvious.
EM: {GASP} SHUT UP! You're not my real brother!
BC: Touche.
EM: What do you mean TOO shay? I'm not too shay! You're too shay!
BC: These conversations are just ... painful.
{Momma and The Boy walk into the room}
MK: I got more Kit Kats.
The Boy: You know I'll eat them!
EM: HUH?
{Pause}
EM: I'll ... I ... YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT ... YOU BOTH SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF!

MK: What'd we do?
EM: As if you don't know!
MK: Do you know what she's talking about?
The Boy: No.
EM: I'm too mad to talk to you! HMPH!
BC: Phht. Women. So emotional.
MK: So you didn't "help" this emotional outburst?
BC: NO! I have no idea what's wrong! Women are cray-cray. Just going off for no reason!
The Boy: Ain't THAT the truth!
MK: EXCUSE ME?
The Boy: Err ... I meant other females.
EM: WHAT?!
The Boy: And not you either, Ellie.
MK: BEAR! I know you had something to do with this! Why's your sister upset?
BC: So much for Momma not being cray-cray and just going off.
{The Boy chuckles}
MK: Do you find this funny?
The Boy: Err ... no. Not really.
MK: You're encouraging him!
BC: Encourage me! Encourage me!
The Boy: BEAR! Go to your shelf!
BC: You're not my real father!
EM: You're adopted too?
BC: SHH! Stay out of this.
EM: PSST! Does it ever work?
MK: Bear, you're in big trouble!
EM: Guess not.
BC: What? I didn't do anything! I'm on my shelf!

MK: Why is Ellie upset?
BC: Like I know. WOMEN.
{The Boy chuckles}
MK: {turning to The Boy} Oh, REALLY?
The Boy: Err ... I'm going to get the mail.
MK: Ellie, what did Bear tell you?
EM: It's too ... too ... traumatic to even speak of!
MK: BEAR!
BC: Why do I get blamed for everything?
{Silence}
BC: Oh, yeah. Right.
MK: Did he tell you we rescued you from a curtain factory again?
EM: I forgot about that one!
MK: Furniture factory? Rug factory?
EM: Wait a minute ... YOU LIED TO ME! AGAIN!

BC: It's not my fault you keep falling for what I'm selling. I've missed my calling. If I were a salesperson, I'd be rich and have a chain of tasty whole chicken farms! Maybe a bazooka ... a tank ... a castle ... you know, the good life.
MK: As if you don't have a good life now?
BC: Ask The Boy! He's the one that used the "back when I had a good life ..."
MK: Yeah. I'm still mad at him for that.
The Boy: HUH?
BC: Steel trap that one.
The Boy: Women are just one big steel trap.
MK: You do realize you're not helping?
BC: Phht. He's a not-the-Momma. He's not supposed to help. He's supposed to sit around and tell you what to do and tell you when to get back in the kitchen.
MK: {toward The Boy} WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN TELLING HIM?
BC: He also said women should be seen and not heard.
The Boy: Now, wait a minute ...
MK: NO KIT KATS FOR YOU!
The Boy: I was kidding!  
MK: I'm not.
The Boy: I think I forgot some of the mail in the box.
EM: Don't get any ideas! I'm not going back to the Kit Cat factory!
MK: So that's what he told you.
BC: No ...
{Pause}
BC: Maybe?
MK: BEAR!
BC: Does this mean I'm grounded? Because that could add to my street cred.
MK: Ellie, don't believe ANYTHING Bear says. NOT ONE THING.
BC: I'm going to beat her up.
EM: Err ...
MK: Well, except for that. 
EM: He might try ...
BC: Phht. You're a GIRL! I'm not scared of you!
MK: BEAR!
BC: But I AM scared of you.
MK: That's what I thought.
EM: YEAH! Take THAT!

BC: I'm a Momma's boy! I think you should really be mad at The Boy. You know, he told ME a secret and if you're a nice Momma I'll tell you what it was!
EM: Momma, you told me not to a believe a word Bear says!
MK: Tell me the secret!
{Whispering ... until The Boy walks in and Momma and the two cats are staring at him}
The Boy: Err ... I must have the wrong house. I'll just ...
EM: Bear told Momma your secret!
The Boy: Secret? What secret?
BC: Did you hear that, Momma? WHAT secret! Like he has more than one!
The Boy: Now wait a ...
BC: Don't let the door hit you on the ... GET HIM, MOMMA! Tell him who's boss.
EM: It's pretty evil, Daddy. How could you?
The Boy: I don't even know what's going on!
BC: Because THAT'S new.
{Silence as Momma and the two cats stare at The Boy}
The Boy: WHAT?! What did I do?
BC: Pack your bags, dumbnuts. BYE!
The Boy: Kat? What's he talking about?
MK: Oh, he lied to me and told me some nonsense about what you do while I'm not home.
BC: WHAT?!?! You KNEW I lied?!?! And you pretended otherwise?
EM: It's not my fault you fall for what she's selling.

BC: WHAT?!?! I was being PUNKED?!
The Boy: So ... umm ... you're NOT mad at me?
{Silence}
The Boy: Ellie? Kat?
{More silence}
The Boy: So you don't believe what Bear said, right?
{Even more silence}
The Boy: HELLO?!?!
BC: I guess it's just you and me.
The Boy: Uh oh.
BC: So what exactly are your intentions with my Momma?
The Boy: Err ... well ... 
BC: YOU'RE FIRED!
The Boy: I'm pretty sure it's not up to ...
BC: MOMMA! The Boy's being mean to me! He told me I was fired!
The Boy: Now wait a minute ...
EM: Daddy, go back to the doghouse!

© 2019 Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat - Published by K. Kern.
All text, pictures, images, and other content are original and copyright by Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat [K. Kern]. No part of my post may be used without my written permission. If you see this post posted on a site that isn't Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat, please contact mommakatandherbearcat@gmail.com.


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34 comments:

  1. Ellie, never believe Bear! He's just a born fibber .

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  2. It sounds like the dog house is gonna be a bit crowded!

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  3. Ellie, you have to stop believing anything from Bear! I'm not saying it's your fault for believing him, though, because you're such a nice kitty. But he's just gonna keep at it!

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    1. He's just mean! Then again, I might not help matters ;) ~Ellie Mae

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  4. Bear, you are sooooo mean to your poor gullible sister.

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  5. Poor Ellie :( Ask Bear if he would be okay with you getting a sister if she were a tortie? ;)

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    1. I couldn't keep my paws to myself. ~Bear Cat
      Isn't that what you do now? ~Ellie Mae

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  6. MOL! Our 3 boys have been known to stretch the truth but Jasmine and I are having none of it. Stay strong Ellie!
    Purrs & Head Bonks,
    Lily

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  7. Ellie, there is one sure way that you can tell if Bear is lying. If his lips are moving, he's lying. Bear would make a good politician. ;)

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    1. I would, wouldn't I? I'm a natural in front of the camera! ~Bear Cat

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  8. It's never good when it's boys against girls. But when the boys start to turn on each other, it really gets interesting! Can't wait to hear what's next!
    Jan & the crew at Wag 'n Woof Pets

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  9. Poor Ellie, you really need to be nicer to her Bear.

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  10. Bear, that was mean ! Poor Ellie ! Purrs

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  11. Ellie, we're starting to think that if Bear's mouth is moving, he's probably trying to trick you! Beware!

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  12. Bear is not a cat he is a monkey in disguise! He is such a tease too!

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  13. Is there a big enough doghouse for offenders around your home cuz it sounds like it might be a bit crowded for a while.

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  14. I think I"m glad I don't have a brother. My sister is enough to put up with!

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  15. The doghouse is zactly where most boys belong. MOL We finally saw those kit kat things on teevee one day. They must be purretty tasty ifin everypawdy wants 'em. Mommy would purrfur to stick with those donuts your mommy likes so well. Tell her to have one fur mommy the next time she does. big hugs

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

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    Replies
    1. I've even seen a few doughnut shops who make Kit Kat doughnuts!!!

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  16. Bear, me thinks what you need is a vacation.....a long one on the beach, with waiter service. Or may day trips out other than to the vets, say, to a cat shop? It could mean getting your very on transport device, in stripy pants colour, or better still, tortie colour! Maybe as an alternative you could get dressed up in a nice smart harness and do a walking holiday or tour, but I am sure you'd love the attention. Maybe your staff could forego their holiday to take you? I know mine would—but then again I do pay her wages ;)
    Purrs
    ERin

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    1. A vacation? TO a tasty whole chicken farm! BRILLIANT! ~Bear Cat

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  17. Ellie, you might check to see if Bear has his toes crossed behind his back. If he does, it means he's making up stuffs. Tee hee hee. Winks.

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