Tuesday, March 5, 2019

Bear's tanks and tuna

Momma's still sick and the cats are creating their own fun ... added to the excitement of Momma and The Boy going at it.

EM: Ellie Mae Kat 
BC: Bear Cat Kat
MK: Momma Kat
The Boy: Momma's fiance

EM: Bear? What are you doing?
BC: Nothing.
EM: Momma said you're not supposed to be on the computer.
BC: I'm NOT on the computer! I'm sitting in Momma's chair!
EM: You're on the computer in that you're using it!
BC: It's none of your bee's wax.
EM: I have bee's wax? Isn't the bee going to miss it?
BC: Are you following me around just to tell me when I'm doing something I shouldn't be?
EM: What do you mean?
BC: Five minutes ago you told me I shouldn't touch Momma's sticky notes. So either you're a tattle tale or you're just trying to annoy me.
EM: It's not MY fault you're misbehaving. I'm just watching you. If you didn't misbehave, we wouldn't have a problem.
BC: If you weren't my sister ...
EM: This house would be like the Wild West?
BC: What?!?
EM: Like it was before I got here.
BC: You think you're keeping me in line? Phht. Not even Momma can do that. And she knows all my tricks.
EM: Line? No. Keeping you in a furry meatloaf? Yeah.
BC: Do you mind? I'm busy!
EM: Doing what?
BC: Nothing.
EM: Then what are you typing?
{Pause as Ellie looks over Bear's shoulder}
EM: A FULL-SIZED TANK COLLECTION? How can you afford ...

BC: I'm working on it.
EM: But ...
BC: Free to a good home!
EM: That's kind of suspicious.
BC: Well, I have to register the tanks online with Momma's credit card. One hundred dollars for each tank. 
EM: Umm ...
BC: But WHAT a bargain! Remember? The last time I looked at tanks, they cost almost a hundred thousand dollars! Even MOMMA would be impressed with THAT deal.
EM: You know what they say ...
BC: A tasty whole chicken in the paw is worth two tasty whole chickens in the bush.
EM: Well, no ... but ...
BC: Keep your tanks close, but your bazookas closer?
EM: But ... hmmmm.
BC: And you think I'm all brawn! I have deep thoughts!
EM: Like how big of a hole can you dig?
BC: What ... well, with a tank ... I already imagine how big of a hole I'd need for you or The Boy. That's the ONLY reason you're still alive.
EM: How deep of trouble can you get yourself in?
BC: Phht. My mantra for life. Everyday, a new challenge. Then again, with a tank, it will be trouble on steroids.
EM: What I was going to say ... if it's too good to be true ...
BC: It's a sister?
EM: STOP INTERRUPTING ME!
BC: Phht. I know your game. You just admitted that you're too goody-goody to be true ...
EM: In case you hadn't noticed, we don't have a lot of extra room.
BC: Phht. You know how it is. Momma's got so much stuff around here - but you never see it! I'm telling you, she brought a blimp in here last week.
{Pause}
BC: No. Wait. It was the SIZE of a blimp. But it was you.
EM: Ha. Ha. Ha. Very funny. NO! BEAR-y funny! Hahahahaha.

BC: All kidding aside, where does she put it all? Surely she could work her magic with a full-sized tank ...
EM: Collection?
BC: Or ten. Momma's up to the task!
EM: That might save on gas.
BC: WHAT?!? That wasn't me!
{Silence}
EM: That would hurt.
BC: What? My iron paw of destruction? My shark?
EM: Well, you know nine out of ten times when Momma opens a closet something falls out - usually hitting her. But a full-sized tank?
BC: Hmmm ... we might need bigger closets. And maybe a helmet for Momma.

EM: What are you ...
BC: GENIUS! Are you sure you don't know how to use Momma's camera? Because if we got a video ...
EM: I don't really think this is a good idea ... Momma said ...
BC: Oh, look! One of the tanks comes filled with tuna!
EM: No way! Let me see that!
BC: It was on one of the other pages ... not sure which one.
EM: But it said one of the tanks comes full of tuna?
BC: Yep.
EM: Maybe we don't have to tell Momma about the arrangement right away ... surely she wouldn't make us get rid of the stuff if we already had it ...
{Pause}
EM: Wait a minute ... a tank filled with tuna? Who's giving it away? Another cat? Because tuna and tanks are kind of an odd combination.
BC: The founder of tanks and tunas.
EM: Who?
BC: The guy who created tanks and tuna!

EM: But haven't tanks been around since the early 1900s? That guy would have to be really old!
BC: I'm sure Mr. Tank would be offended.
EM: Mr. Tank designed tanks?
BC: No. Mr. Potato Head.
EM: REALLY?!? Mr. Potato Head and tanks sounds like mashed potatoes?
BC: What's his name say? TANK!
EM: But he created tuna too? Wouldn't that be Mr. Tuna?
BC: Phht. There was already a tank so they couldn't very well name both items after Mr. Tank.
EM: But if he invented tuna ... I'd love to shake his hand.
BC: Paw?
EM: Oh,whatever! What's his first name?
BC: Err ...
EM: Ernie?
BC: See! You're not as dumb as you look!
EM: Err ... thanks?
BC: No! It's ERNIE TANK. His last name isn't ThANKs! And he doesn't like being called, "Err."
EM: No, that's not what I'm ...
MK: I'm not feeling so good. I'm having problems breathing and I'm getting dizzy at the slightest exertion. I think the cold's in my chest now. It's bad enough that I don't want to wait for tomorrow for my regular doctor.
The Boy: Maybe you should sit ... umm ... over there.
MK: Oh. I see how it is.
BC: QUICK! Even if you know how to use Momma's flashy box a little ... because I'm thinking if we get this smackdown on video ... at ten dollars per view ...
EM: Umm ... Momma? I know this isn't really the time ... but I thought you'd like to know ... Bear's on your computer.
BC: HEY! No tuna for you!

MK: {without stopping glaring at The Boy} BEAR! Stop sitting on my computer!
EM: Maybe I should define, "on."
BC: Huh. They argue. I get away with whatever I want because no one notices! That could work. Well, except for Miss Tattle-tale here.
The Boy: Don't get too close! I have to work tomorrow!
MK: EXCUSE ME? As if you didn't give me this cold!
The Boy: I don't want it back!
MK: That's fine. I won't make your lunch for tomorrow or make your dinner or anything else that could pass on my germs.
The Boy: OH! Good idea!
BC: And I thought his comment last week, "you're not as hot as you were yesterday," was bad. It's like watching a lamb on the way to the slaughter ... you know its head is going to be chopped off - but you can't help but watch.
The Boy: Do you think sleeping in the same ... I mean ... just for a few ...
{THWACK!}
BC: And the whacky smacky paws have started! If Momma hisses, I'm running for cover! But this is getting good!
EM: I guess Daddy's moving back into the dog house. Ummm ... Momma?
BC: SHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I'm trying to listen to the colossal smack-down happening in our living room! This is even better than ... err ... last night! And last week! And the week before! YOU TELL HIM, MOMMA!
EM: Ummm .... Momma? You told me to tell you when ...
MK: How about you move out? Then you won't catch my germs.
The Boy: That's not necessary ...
{Pause}
The Boy: Oh. You were being sarcastic.
BC: She gets me with that all the time! And I'm definitely smarter than The Boy!
MK: Maybe you didn't get this ... but the only reason I'm sick is because YOU gave it to me! I didn't blame you or hold it against you and now you're treating me like a leper.
EM: What's so bad about being treated like a leopard?
BC: LEPER! It's an illness!
EM: How do you catch leopard? Are its spots like chicken pox?
BC: Chicken pox ... is that like chicken pot pie? Or chicken in a box?
MK: I don't want to be sick either!
BC: YEAH! No one treats my Momma like a leper!

EM: {AHEM}.
BC: Err ... except for me! When it suits my purposes anyway. You try to live with Miss Grabby Hands!
{Momma and The Boy continue to argue in the background}
EM: Well, I ....
BC: You're right. You wouldn't understand. It's almost painful to be this awesome.
EM: Not exactly the word I'd use ...
BC: Handsome?
EM: Err ...
BC: Distinguished?
EM: Uh ...
BC: Debonair? Fabulous? Tabby-licious? Babe?
EM: Who are we talking about again?
BC: Very funny.
{Pause}
BC: Wait a ... how many assigned parking spots do we have?
EM: Phht. First come, first serve. And seeing as how you sleep around ...
BC: Not ME and cat beds, you moron! I mean for cars in the parking lot.
EM: Maybe we should try to assign spots in here.
BC: And disturb my mojo?
EM: Your what?
BC: I'm the wanderer.

EM: Good for you. Maybe you can wonder over there.
BC: W-A-nder ... not wonder!
EM: Whatever.
BC: {to the tune of Dion's "The Wanderer."}
Oh well, I'm the type of guy who will never settle down.
Where comfy beds are, well, you know I sleep around.
I warm 'em and I love 'em 'cause to me they're all the same.
I warm 'em and I fill 'em they don't even know my name.

{Pause}
BC: They call me the wanderer.
Yeah, the wanderer.
I sleep around, around, around.

EM: Why would you care about parking spots? You can't drive!
BC: I could if I wanted to. But I was thinking our assigned spots could house a couple tanks. No one would mess with us! Talk about walk softly with a big stick!
EM: Are we still talking about tanks?
BC: {seeing The Boy and Momma cuddling} GROSS! Get a room! That's how you got sick, Momma! Don't give up! Throw the library at him! Tell him who's boss! Hmmm ... I'm getting sleepy. Maybe I'll just take a short nap before I foment the rebellion.
EM: Rebellion? Is that why you want the tanks?
BC: Phht. No.
{Pause}
BC: But that's a good idea!
EM: Ummm ... but I get the tuna-filled tank first, before the rebellion, right?

BC: CATS RULE!
EM: Uh oh.
BC: We'll call it Bear's tanks and tuna.
EM: A TANK of Bear?! Sheesh. I can barely deal with the pint-sized edition.
{Pause}
EM: But you're sure it comes with tuna?
BC: Of course! 
EM: Talk about giving tanks. Get it? Because the tank guy would be giving us tanks? Giving THANKS?
{Snoring is heard}
EM: Well, that was a bit rude!
{Pause}
EM: {looking at the computer} It says nothing about tuna! I can't believe he lied to me!
{Pause}
EM: Never mind. I don't remember the last time he DIDN'T lie to me.
{Pause}
EM: But a tank full of tuna? It couldn't hurt to see how much that would cost ... and he does already have Momma's credit card out ...

© 2019 Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat - Published by K. Kern.
 All text, pictures, images, and other content are original and copyright by Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat [K. Kern]. No part of my post may be used without my written permission. If you see this post posted on a site that isn't Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat, please contact mommakatandherbearcat@gmail.com.



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46 comments:

  1. Hmm, I wonder how much the postage would be on those tanks? The thought occurs that having a tank full of tuna, who may want to get even or start their own revolution, possibly isn't a good thing to have parked in your closet, or even bathroom!
    Purrs
    ERin

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  2. Tanks for the memories Bear! I hope the leopard feels all better soon.

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  3. Typical male; when he's sick, he needs care 24/7, but when YOU get sick, it's "don't get your germs on me!"
    Hope you feel better!

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  4. We think your mom should either buy or build you a cardboard tank. You'd look pretty cool!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. She's been looking into it! There are some really great ideas out there!

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  5. If you get a tank filled with tuna make sure you order it in the winter. It could be a bit pongy if you order it when the weather is hot. I wonder if it would come wrapped in brown paper. I hope MK is soon feeling better.

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    Replies
    1. Ewww ... I just lost my dinner thinking about rancid tuna! The smell alone ...

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  6. We had a tank on the kitchen counter. It had one fish. A beta named Hellboy cuz he was red. He lived for years. Mom cried when he went OTRB. Moms are weird. Fish is for nomming. That is all.

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    Replies
    1. You also made my day with this comment same as BC made my day with his posting. Well, EM too.

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    2. We can only imagine how you kitties would've reacted to the fish ... then again, maybe that's why he crossed OTRB ;)

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  7. BC, I definitely see a tank in your future. I also think that Ellie will want something too, that may be a match for the Tank. No way of telling at this time. Wait. I'll ask her. Ellie, can you step over here for a minute?

    And MK...I sure hope you are feeling better now. XX

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    Replies
    1. I want a bazooka. Not to attack anyone ... but to keep Bear from annoying me! ~Ellie Mae

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  8. guyz.....tankz... tuna... N trout.... now yur talkin....N we hope MK getz ta feelin better
    sooooper quik :) ♥♥

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    Replies
    1. Bear's version is tiaras, tanks, and tasty whole chickens ;)

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  9. AMARULA: Bear the fact that you still don't have your own battalion of tanks --filled with tuna or not--is a crime!! How oh how do you deal with all the injustice Bear!!

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    Replies
    1. I know! Wouldn't I make the perfect tank battalion commander!? ~Bear Cat

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  10. Replies
    1. Don't worry. We're "helping." Or that's what Bear calls it. ~Ellie Mae

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  11. Ellie, I hope you get that Tina filled tank. I’m pulling for you!

    I really hope your momma gets better!

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  12. Tanks and tuna. What could possibly go wrong with that combo?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Our unofficial tagline: "Tiaras, tanks, and tasty whole chickens ... what could possibly go wrong?"

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  13. Oh, we can't wait to see how Ellie makes out with this one. She's the last one standing, right? :)
    Jan & the crew at Wag 'n Woof Pets

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    Replies
    1. I'm grounded! It was all Bear's idea! I swear! ~Ellie Mae

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  14. So Bear, we so hope you get your tanks and hope they are filled with tuna. Should be interesting. We want to see all this. Have a good week.

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  15. Bear, somehow I don't think those tanks are quite what you think, not at that price.

    I hope your mom does see the Dr soon. Sounds like it might be heading into flu territory.

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    Replies
    1. She did see the doctor. Bronchitis. She's feeling a bit better after a couple days of steroids and antibiotics.

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  16. Tanks and mojo and beeswax, geeze, you really do have deep thoughts! MOL!

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    Replies
    1. Not as deep as I'd like The Boy to have ... but murder is kind of against the law and I'm already in enough trouble from Momma! ~Bear Cat

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  17. I've heard tanks are really big things. That means they could hold lots and lots of tuna fishes! I'm on my way over right now to your house, Bear! Hugs for you Momma Kat and I hope get over that bug that "The Boy" gave you. Dad sometimes brings home colds and then my mom gets them. It takes her like furr-ever to get over bugs.

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  18. Man, tuna is a big seller here. Now a tank full of tuna would be very welcome here. Shoko'd like a tank og cow...perferably dead cow. We would never wander with this kind of food. I always enjoy the BC and EM's conversations....sounds just like home.

    Tyebe

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    Replies
    1. We imagine Shoko has a lot to say to you, Tyebe ... probably LOUDLY.

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  19. If you find out how much that tank full of tuna costs, Olive would like to know. I wonder if it would be free two-day delivery.

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  20. Bear, don't put your tasty whole chickens in a bush-they will get bugs.

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    Replies
    1. Ewwww! Bugs are gross! I know. I've eaten my fair share! ~Bear Cat

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  21. Um Bear? We were meowin' and we think sleepin' 'round might mean a little somethin' different than you might mean. Least it does here in the South. And you wouldn't want kitty girls thinkin' your a cad, now would ya'? --Can't wait to see your tanks. MOL Hope your mommy gets better real soon. Big hugs

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

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    Replies
    1. What else could it mean?! A cad? Is that like cod? ~Bear Cat

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  22. SOrry you got the wrong kind of tank- you know humans are not too bright so you need to be very specific. :)

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    Replies
    1. Humans are liars just looking to keep us kitties down! ~Bear Cat

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