Cray cray with the camera

Bear's feeling more like himself and Momma can't help but make a big deal about EVERYTHING. Plus Bear spills the beans on the "treats" in Ellie's puzzle feeder, Ellie gives Bear a taste of his own medicine, and Momma goes a bit cray cray with the camera.

BC: Bear Cat Kat 
MK: Momma Kat 
EM: Ellie Mae Kat 
The Boy: Momma's fiance 

MK: {seeing Ellie on the top perch of the cat tree out of the side of her eye} Do you know where your brother is? It's time for his insulin shot.
{Silence}
MK: What the ... wait a minute ... there's a THIN tail up there.
EM: {from the loveseat} HA! I TOLD you your tail is like a string!
BC: Oh, shut up.
MK: BEAR?
BC: I didn't do it.
MK: But you ARE on top of the cat tree right?
BC: The Boy's genius is rubbing off on you.
MK: WOW! You haven't gotten up there in the last ... EIGHT MONTHS! Last time you got on the next highest perch, you tripped on the way down. I figured you were trying to tell me something by not getting up there.
BC: I was!
MK: What? That you're not feeling good?
BC: NO! I was telling you THAT I DON'T WANT TO NAP ON THE TOP PERCH OF THE CAT TREE!
MK: Oh.
BC: You humans make a lot out of nothing.
{Pause as Momma takes picture after picture of Bear}
BC: {sigh} It's a good thing I can't not poop for eight months. The first time I pooped again, you'd get pictures of me pooping and the poop itself!
{Pause as Momma KEEPS taking pictures}
BC: Oh, for ... I'M TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOU KEEP TAKING PICTURES OF ME! I don't get up here to give Smellie dirty looks. Err ... I mean, I don't JUST get up here to give Smellie dirty looks.

EM: WHAT?
MK: I'm just so happy you're up there again! I know how much you love your cat tree!
EM: Well, TECHNICALLY, since I was the only one sleeping on it, it was MY cat tree ...
BC: Phht. Hardly. You missed the rights of ownership in perpetuity.
EM: Ummm ... the who what per tooty?
BC: By the way, Momma, can you wash this bed? It smells a bit Smellie if you know what I mean.
EM: I didn't smell anything on it!
BC: Exactly.
EM: Umm ... what?
MK: It's time for your shot.
BC: You mean it's time for YOUR shot.
MK: No. We're not doing that this time.
BC: I'm not coming down.
MK: Okay. I'll climb on the loveseat.
EM: {who IS laying on the loveseat} Uh oh! I better get off the loveseat just in case there's an ... err ... accident! Momma has a way of falling off things ...
BC: Make no mistake. If Momma falls, it's because I PUSHED her.
EM: Well, that's not very nice. I think I'll sit over here by my puzzle feeder.
{Pause as Momma and Bear face off}
EM: Err ... I'll just leave you two alone and drown my loneliness in treats.
BC: I dare you to make my day.
MK: I'm not scared of you.
BC: You should be.

MK: Bring it, kitty cat!
BC: I'm not your Grandmama's kitty cat.
MK: No. You're MY kitty cat.
BC: I am not! I'm a free agent! I am the owner of my own destiny. And when you stick a needle in my destiny, you'll be sorry.
MK: Tell your destiny to shut up.
BC: Up yours! You're not so tough without your blanket to throw over my face.
MK: You're not so tough without your fangs.
BC: My fangs have your name on them.
MK: Oh, ...
EM: HEY! This ... this ... BALL ... is broken!!!
MK: What?
EM: This thing you call a puzzle feeder! I keep whacking the crap out of it and no food comes out! It's not sharing!
BC: HEY! Momma and I were doing our showdown at high ... err ...

MK: Seven AM?
BC: YEAH!
EM: BUT THERE'S NO FOOD! I'm doing the exercise and being SCREWED!
MK: Ellie, you're rolling the ball two inches. I don't think that counts as exercise.
BC: Says the person who considers getting the mail exercise!
MK: HEY! It's UPHILL!
BC: Both ways?
MK: I only said that once!
EM: I HATE THIS STUPID THIN ...
{WHACK!!!!}
EM: FOOD! FOOD! FOOD!
BC: Don't tell her there are two full bowls of kibble and a plate of wet food just waiting for her to eat it. NOOOOO. She's got to work for her food like a chump.
MK: So you admit the food bowls are full?
EM: I mean business, Bluey! I'm going to whap you silly until you give me all your food!
BC: Err ... You reached Bear. I'm not listening. BEEP!
MK: You've reached Momma. You're BUSTED! BEEP!
EM: HA! Take that! {crunch crunch} And THAT! {crunch crunch}
BC: You've reached Bear. I'd tell you to bite me, but I'll bite you first. BEEP!
{Rattling as Ellie whacks the puzzle feeder again}
EM: FOOD!

MK: CAN'T WE JUST BE NORMAL?
EM: {crunching} Ifth noth sureth whath youth talketh abouth.
MK: Ellie, if you get all the treats out now, there won't be any for later.
EM: Why?
MK: Because I'm not going to keep filling the puzzle feeder with treats!
EM: YOU fill Bluey?
BC: PSST! Tell her you fill it with our regular kibble!
MK: SHH! How else do you think Bluey gets food ... err ... treats?
EM: There's not a treat fairy?
MK: No.
EM: And Bluey doesn't make the treats?
MK: No.
EM: Why can't we have our bowls full of those treats instead of our regular kibble? Those treats are MUCH better than our regular kibble!
BC: IT ...
MK: SHuuuushhhh! I seem to remember a cat that thought the SAME KIBBLE in a new bowl didn't taste as good as the SAME KIBBLE in the usual bowl.
BC: You've reached Bear! THE "TREATS" IN THE BLUE BALL ARE THE SAME AS THE KIBBLE IN OUR FOOD BOWLS ...
MK: BEEEEEP!
{Pause}
EM: I want to play the answering machine game!
BC: And I have selective hearing?
{Pause}
EM: HIIIII-II! It's Ellie Mae. I like laps and tuna and braiding fur and I want to be your best friend! Thanks! BEEP!
BC: And now I want to vomit. No, wait, that's been a kind of perpetual thing since Smellie moved in.
EM: Don't worry, Bear! There's still plenty of treats left in the puzzle feeder. You know, for when you get those post-barf munchies.

BC: I ...
MK: NOPE!
BC: But I didn't ...
MK: I saw the look in your eyes.
BC: What's the fun of having a sister if you can't make fun of her?
EM: Having a sister is fun?
MK: Ellie, don't listen ...
EM: I'm going to jump up there and give you a hug!
BC: Remember? The NO TOUCHING rule?
EM: Oh, yeah. That's right after the no looking at you rule and right before the no talking to you ...
{Pause}
EM: Oops.
MK: Ellie, you don't have to listen to Bear's rules!
EM: I don't?
MK: NO! You can make your own rules.
BC: Phht. Because that works for you.
MK: Then again, Bear won't follow them so ...
BC: I'm just an outlaw.
MK: Oh, here we go.
BC: Bad to the bone.
MK: Yes, yes, every tortie EVERYWHERE knows you're a bad boy.
EM: REALLY? Wow.
BC: What can I say? Torties like me! I'm on every "WANTED" tortie poster in the world.
{Pause}
EM: Haha. Bear's a BAD boy! Bear, you're a BAD boy! Hahaha.
BC: Leave it to her to ruin everything.
EM: GO TO YOUR CLOSET! Hahahahaha. GO TO YOUR SHELF!

BC: OWWWWWWW! What's wrong with you?
MK: Ellie distracted you. I gave you your shot.
BC: Sisters ruin everything!
{Pause}
BC: HEY! Smell ...
MK: Nope.
BC: WHAT?
MK: I saw that look.
EM: {crunching more treats} Wfths goingth onth?
BC: Momma's censoring me!
EM: {crunching more treats} Welfth youth dooth geth inth troubth.
BC: What?
EM: {finishes chewing} When you get in trouble, you get censured.
BC: CEN-SORED!
EM: That's what I said!
BC: UGH! I hate talking to you!
EM: I HATE TALKING TO YOU TOO!
BC: Momma lied! The "treats" you get from the ball? They're REGULAR kibble you can get from our food bowl without having to do any work!
EM: But to get to the food bowl, we have to walk down the hall. Isn't that exercise?
BC: NO!
{Pause}
BC: YES!
{Pause}
BC: Hmmm ...
EM: Besides, I'm smart! I know you lie about everything!

BC: {looking at Momma} This is YOUR fault.
MK: I'm not the one who told her she was a dolphin so she could swim in the toilet. Maybe if you hadn't lied to her all the time, she'd believe you!
BC: UNBELIEVABLE! 
EM: {crunching treats} Yefth, youth areth!
BC: NO! I mean it's unbelievable that one of the few times I tell the truth, you won't believe me!
EM: You don't tell the truth!
BC: Momma's butt is big.
EM: Okay. Fine. You don't ALWAYS tell the truth.
MK: HEY! You two deserve each other!
BC and EM: {at the same time} HEY!
MK: I'm going to do my work.
BC: Chump.
MK: I heard that!
{Momma focuses on work ... and hour passes and Momma checks on Bear on the cat tree and notices he's not there anymore}
MK: OH NO! Where's Bear? Bear? BEAR?! BEAR?!?!?! Are you okay? Did you get hurt on the way down? He tripped last time he got on one of the lower perches.
{Momma jumps up in panic to make sure Bear isn't laying on the floor underneath the cat tree hurt}
MK: How did I not notice that he got down? What if he got hurt? Oh no!
{Momma sees no sign of Bear}
MK: I hope he's not hiding because he's hurt. {Momma frantically searches the house} Bear?! BEAR? BEAR?!?!?!?!?!?! Oh, please let him be okay ... BEAR?!?! Are you okay?
BC: {in his window} What's a cat gotta do to get some sleep around here?

{Pause}
BC: As if the breathing checks aren't bad enough! I'm a cat! I jump! Maybe she won't ...
MK: BEAR!
BC: AH!
MK: Are you okay? Did you hurt yourself? Can I feel you to make sure nothing's broken?
BC: No.
MK: Something's broken?
BC: MY PEACE OF MIND!
MK: Wait ... YOU'RE IN YOUR WINDOW!
BC: Genius.
MK: You haven't been in your window in MONTHS! I'm going to go get the camera!
BC: Hmmm ... maybe if I shoved it up her butt, she'd always have it when she feels like ruining my peace and quiet.
MK: I'm back! I've got the camera!
BC: Great.

MK: SMILE!
BC: Cats don't smile.
MK: I'm in such a good mood! You're doing your regular cat stuff again! I missed this! I hope it's because you're feeling better!
BC: Ugh.
MK: I still want to feel you to make sure nothing's broken.
BC: Your face.
MK: I just can't get enough pictures! Awww! So ADORABLE!
BC: How long is this going to last? How could it possibly get worse?
EM: HIIII--III!!!
BC: And there you go.
EM: What's going on?
MK: Bear's in his window!
EM: So?
MK: This is HUGE! Climbing the cat tree, his window ...
EM: I do that stuff every day and you don't make a big fuss about it!
BC: Wanna trade?
EM: OKAY!
BC: Momma can follow YOU around taking pictures.
EM: Ummm ... never mind.
BC: No take backs.
EM: Erm ...
BC: {thinking to himself} Momma and Smellie aren't here ... Momma and Smellie aren't here ...

{Pause}
BC: {opening his eyes slowly} WHOA! They're gone! Now, that's power!
EM: HIIIII-II!
BC: RATS!
EM: Momma's coming back to drag you out of the window and feel you for injuries. You might want to hide.
BC: Oh. Thanks! You haven't seen me!
EM: Who?
BC: {taking off down the hall} Exactly.
MK: BEAR! You're out of the window! I couldn't imagine dragging you out, but now that you're out ... I can feel you for injuries!
BC: ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGG! SMELLIE NEIGH, YOU'LL BE SORRY!!
EM: Ha! MY window all to myself. One million eight-hundred twenty thousand and forty-three more lies and we'll be even.

© 2020 Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat - Published by K. Kern. 
All text, pictures, images, and other content are original and copyright by Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat [K. Kern], 2015-2020. No content on Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat may be used without the owner's [K. Kern] written permission. If you see this post posted on a site that isn't Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat, please contact cats@mommakatandherbearcat.com. 

Featured posts:

37 comments

  1. I'm sure glad you are doing okay Bear and you're doing a great job with that food puzzle Ellie!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I like it better when I pretend I don't know how to use it so my humans will roll it for me and I get free treats! ~Ellie Mae

      Delete
  2. Bear what happy Friday news!!
    Mia and Frisco do actually get along nice. She is about 3 years older and Frisco is her goofy brudder from another mother. She often grooms him.
    Hugs and Happy Friday
    Cecilia

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bear and Ellie are pretty good too. But when Bear starts licking her, there's going to be trouble. He hasn't done that lately ... maybe because he realized sitting on her was more effective to get her to move from the spot he wants.

      Delete
  3. If it's in the bowl, then it's a meal. If it comes out of the puzzle ball, it's a treat...that makes sense to me!

    ReplyDelete
  4. It is good to hear you are doing so well, Bear.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Dear Bear Kat,
    I hear ya! The Female Human put a cat tree in my "apartment". Then, when she sees me on the top of it she freaks out. Sheesh, I have kidney disease, I'm not an invalid! Wasn't the whole idea of giving us felines cat condos to give us some exercise and a place to get away??!! And, as far as the shots go, I feel ya. I get the stabby, stabby every other night, what a hassle. And Ellie Mae..Girl, why are you letting the humans make you work for your treats??!! Bear Kat needs to provide some counseling to you.

    Well, gotta' go hide, it's a stabby night. BC, I'm purring with happiness that you are doing better!
    Purrs & Head Bonks,
    Jasmine

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Actually, I'm training the humans. I found if I sit next to the puzzle feeder and look confused, Momma will roll the ball across the room for me. SCORE! And Bear says I'm dumb! ~Ellie Mae

      Delete
  6. We humans do tend to overreact, don't we? Maybe you kitties should stop stressing us out!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahahaha {seeing Bear} err ... I have NO idea what you're talking about! ;)

      Delete
  7. Bear, you act like you are being prevailed upon, but we think deep down you want to show your Mama you are feeling better.
    We love how there is never a dull moment around your place!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, TECHNICALLY, there are lots of dull moments ... only they all involve Smellie ... because she is dull. ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  8. Bear, I am happy you are feeling better and wanted to get up there. XO

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It IS my rightful spot as king overlord of my castle ... ~Bear Cat

      Delete
    2. King.....overlo.....HAHAHAHAHAHAHA Bear, the cat afraid of the birds outside.

      Delete
    3. I'm the king overlord of your shoes ... just remember that. ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  9. Bear, we are so happy you're doing so much better! And we like seeing you and Ellie, so we're good with Momma going cray cray with the camera. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I need to get in contact with my lawyer. I should get paid for this *@(# ... per picture! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  10. Paybacks are annoying, aren't they, Bear?

    ReplyDelete
  11. Glad that Bear is feeling better! Don't you hate those moments when you can't find a cat? For me, it's usually Dexter. He's the only one who doesn't come when called - after a thousand times anyway.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha. I'm blessed. Bear usually comes - at least he used to - of course, he'd stop five feet away and look around like it was just a coincidence he's there - but I know better. Now that he's older, he's not as responsive. Ellie will meow after you call her - if she can see you - and if you call her a second time, she'll come. Unless she's doing her mournful meow when she thinks we've abandoned her. I still can't figure that part out. She MUST know we're in bed or the bathroom ... and there's something about not seeing us that means she won't come. I imagine the rest of your cats are like, "Dexter! DUDE! Just go and see what she wants so she stops calling your name!"

      Delete
  12. We agree with Eastside Cats above ! Purrs

    ReplyDelete
  13. dood....8} mom carez thatz why she freeked y} we iz buzzed happee yur feelin better 4} gram paw dude
    getted hiz foto taken while IN de box.....cod

    EM; 5} thoz puzzlez knead ta bee bigger sew samichez roll outta em C} bee care full what ya wanna trade for 3} mite we say yur lookin my tee gorgeoz two day ♥♥☺☺

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Why, thank you! I'm been grooming my fur a bit differently recently. At least SOMEONE noticed! My Momma's too busy following Bear around with the camera to notice! ~Ellie Mae
      What's next? Taking pictures of my litter box deposits? Oh ... wait ... hmmm. ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  14. Bear, we are so happy to hear you are feeling better. Gotta tell ya, our mom was plenty worried about you. She kept telling us to do healing purrs for you. Our throats are sore, and Dori says her ears are ringing, but you are so worth it. Keep up the good job!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Awww. Who could ask for better friends? See, I usually get snarky in my responses - but your comment just took every bit of snark out of me :) ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  15. Bear, I'm so glad you are doing better!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Glad you're feeling better, Bear. Bet your mom was soooo worried. My mom said the comment about a big butt was rude (but very funny!)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You know what's rude? Sticking a camera in my face every five seconds! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  17. Thank goodness you are feeling better, Bear! Now make sure you keep it up, the getting well bit and keeping your sister occupied.
    Purrs
    ERin

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'll keep Ellie AND Momma occupied ... I promise! ~Bear Cat

      Delete

If you have trouble posting a comment, please let us know by e-mail: cats@mommakatandherbearcat.com. THANK YOU FOR STOPPING BY!